(no subject)
i'm a bit emo right now
i feel like i dont have an identity... i dont know what i'm good at, or who i am. i'm stuck in this rut of wanting to grow up and be respectible, and wanting to live the rest of my childhood to the fullest and be crazy. i miss my love for music, i can feel it fading...i miss playing guitar for a few hours every night, i miss gymnastics, i miss my friends from gymnastics. i feel like i dont have any friends...i have a handful here...but everyone else seems to know so many people...and i have my handful i hang out with. it's almost like i'm afraid to make anymore friends...like its alot of work that just ends with pain and heartache. i dont know who i want to be, or what i want to do with my life... i'm a guitarist...but not good enough to play in a band. i can sing, but i dont have a voice that people pay to hear. i can take pictures, but its nothing worth being proud of. i'm decent looking, but i dont have the face or body to be a model. i love Jesus, but i dont have the gift of using that. i like hair, but dont know enough about that. i like acting..but once again..not skinny or pretty enough (or tall enough). lets see...gymnastics! yeah..i sucked at that, but i loved it...cant do anything with that. who am i? what is my purpose? maybe i'm meant to spend the rest of my life getting paid 8 bucks an hour to bill people in a law firm. at least i was good at that. bored me to tears...but whatever. i can't pay for school, i'd do anything for a scholarship...heck, i can be a lesbian bipolar druggie if that works. i'm going to be forever in debt. fun. life really is meaningless. good points, bad points, but overall meaningless. ecclesiastes was right. dang the Bible knows everything. at least i have my virginity...excites me that i can save that for someone special. and wow...i have so much saved up for him...it's going to be amazing. i like hugs too. so i can give away hugs now, and save the rest for later.
ok...i think thats enough for megan's super crazy emo entry. i think i got that all out of my system and i can be happy again.
(on a side note...my boyfriend rocks!)
i feel like i dont have an identity... i dont know what i'm good at, or who i am. i'm stuck in this rut of wanting to grow up and be respectible, and wanting to live the rest of my childhood to the fullest and be crazy. i miss my love for music, i can feel it fading...i miss playing guitar for a few hours every night, i miss gymnastics, i miss my friends from gymnastics. i feel like i dont have any friends...i have a handful here...but everyone else seems to know so many people...and i have my handful i hang out with. it's almost like i'm afraid to make anymore friends...like its alot of work that just ends with pain and heartache. i dont know who i want to be, or what i want to do with my life... i'm a guitarist...but not good enough to play in a band. i can sing, but i dont have a voice that people pay to hear. i can take pictures, but its nothing worth being proud of. i'm decent looking, but i dont have the face or body to be a model. i love Jesus, but i dont have the gift of using that. i like hair, but dont know enough about that. i like acting..but once again..not skinny or pretty enough (or tall enough). lets see...gymnastics! yeah..i sucked at that, but i loved it...cant do anything with that. who am i? what is my purpose? maybe i'm meant to spend the rest of my life getting paid 8 bucks an hour to bill people in a law firm. at least i was good at that. bored me to tears...but whatever. i can't pay for school, i'd do anything for a scholarship...heck, i can be a lesbian bipolar druggie if that works. i'm going to be forever in debt. fun. life really is meaningless. good points, bad points, but overall meaningless. ecclesiastes was right. dang the Bible knows everything. at least i have my virginity...excites me that i can save that for someone special. and wow...i have so much saved up for him...it's going to be amazing. i like hugs too. so i can give away hugs now, and save the rest for later.
ok...i think thats enough for megan's super crazy emo entry. i think i got that all out of my system and i can be happy again.
(on a side note...my boyfriend rocks!)