Raked Across the Coals
What a bad mood came over me today! The Hawai'i drama took some time to sink in, but when it did it hurt like hell. A mess of emotion: deep sadness to break connection, anger at him for not wanting to be happy, anger at him for lashing out at me, anger at myself for taking his bullshit for so long and letting him play victim, loneliness and shame. Whew. I made a bad choice with that one, but I move forward knowing I'll never let another man mistreat me.
Two hours on the phone with a good husband today. Singing and reading poems and me crying a little and sitting with the hurt. I needed that love. I'm grateful for it.
And since trianatari asked:
A husband is a man I adore with whom I have an abiding connection. I genuinely love all my husbands, and they all understand that they're not the only men in my life. If they honestly can't handle that, I recommend that they go. They all live in different cities, so that helps to minimize jealousy and awkwardness.
We interact through texting, telephone, email, chat, snail mail, and Skype. My only rule in this regard: it can't just be texting. It's too complicated and a cop-out to boot. I had to call a husband out for this.
I don't have to have been physically entangled with someone for him to be a husband, but I have to want to be! Desire is very important to me.
Husbands check in with me pretty regularly, and vice versa. We help each other out however we can. We have to be able to talk to each other. Almost all of my husbands were my friends first; I've known them anywhere from fourteen years to a few months. I had to check one husband who went overboard with the sex talk; I told him I needed intimacy from him, period. I'm not interested in one night stands right now. I'm interested in connecting and building and growing.
Husbands MUST support my growth as an artist. This works well, as almost all of mine are artistically inclined themselves. They also MUST support my growth as an individual. No compromise, no in-between. They have to love strong women - even the ones who believe in more traditional gender roles. They can NOT be homophobic or racist - preferably they're actively the opposite of both.
My husbands are all gentlemen to me. They're all smart and strong and tender.
No abuse, no hate. Never again.
Two hours on the phone with a good husband today. Singing and reading poems and me crying a little and sitting with the hurt. I needed that love. I'm grateful for it.
And since trianatari asked:
A husband is a man I adore with whom I have an abiding connection. I genuinely love all my husbands, and they all understand that they're not the only men in my life. If they honestly can't handle that, I recommend that they go. They all live in different cities, so that helps to minimize jealousy and awkwardness.
We interact through texting, telephone, email, chat, snail mail, and Skype. My only rule in this regard: it can't just be texting. It's too complicated and a cop-out to boot. I had to call a husband out for this.
I don't have to have been physically entangled with someone for him to be a husband, but I have to want to be! Desire is very important to me.
Husbands check in with me pretty regularly, and vice versa. We help each other out however we can. We have to be able to talk to each other. Almost all of my husbands were my friends first; I've known them anywhere from fourteen years to a few months. I had to check one husband who went overboard with the sex talk; I told him I needed intimacy from him, period. I'm not interested in one night stands right now. I'm interested in connecting and building and growing.
Husbands MUST support my growth as an artist. This works well, as almost all of mine are artistically inclined themselves. They also MUST support my growth as an individual. No compromise, no in-between. They have to love strong women - even the ones who believe in more traditional gender roles. They can NOT be homophobic or racist - preferably they're actively the opposite of both.
My husbands are all gentlemen to me. They're all smart and strong and tender.
No abuse, no hate. Never again.