thinking makes my head hurt
So why then do i do this to my self, am i really as selfish as im thinking that i am.. trying to take time to my self is like tring to kill your self with ny razor or pill(etc) I need something new, i always need something new Im always getting sick of the old but never wanted to leave it to far behind just so that i can have a way to look back and how Ive done been there or the likewise...
I know that my writung really doesnt make sence at all but it does to me it really does, a good friend once told that she loved to read my LJ cuz it was random and just all thoughts and not really anything else... Just the words coming out of my head and going down on this "paper"...
im so draind lately nothing and i mean nothing is helping me not sleep or food or sex are getting me out of this, I need, must have something and im sure someone has or knows what it is, to bad i dont know...
why must life be so differnt for the story books i had when i was younger, cant someone just kiss me an make me a prince, not that that too wouldnt get old fast and then i would need something else to keep my mind off of the never endingness of things in life getting old...
what am i going to do when i get old, when my body is dying (moreso then it is now) when everthing around me seems new and all i want are the old days that i can remember, if i can even think back that far even though Ive always said that once i hit 30 to just kill me cuz theres not going to be anything left for me, i mean damn i lose friends (or just cant keep in touch) faster then i can make them, I have a great guy who is my world but im sure one day that will just walk out the door too...
I cant belive im actully writing in here, its been so long and im sure im not going to get to do this for a long time again but it feels good for once just to sit here and not worry about what someone might say, thats spelt wrong,(and what not) i need to get a journal and keep it with me at all times cuz i think that writing down these random though were i can show them or not might be what i need... well im actully really sleepy now and im going to pic up a liitle be4 the boy is home
loving my self a little toby
I know that my writung really doesnt make sence at all but it does to me it really does, a good friend once told that she loved to read my LJ cuz it was random and just all thoughts and not really anything else... Just the words coming out of my head and going down on this "paper"...
im so draind lately nothing and i mean nothing is helping me not sleep or food or sex are getting me out of this, I need, must have something and im sure someone has or knows what it is, to bad i dont know...
why must life be so differnt for the story books i had when i was younger, cant someone just kiss me an make me a prince, not that that too wouldnt get old fast and then i would need something else to keep my mind off of the never endingness of things in life getting old...
what am i going to do when i get old, when my body is dying (moreso then it is now) when everthing around me seems new and all i want are the old days that i can remember, if i can even think back that far even though Ive always said that once i hit 30 to just kill me cuz theres not going to be anything left for me, i mean damn i lose friends (or just cant keep in touch) faster then i can make them, I have a great guy who is my world but im sure one day that will just walk out the door too...
I cant belive im actully writing in here, its been so long and im sure im not going to get to do this for a long time again but it feels good for once just to sit here and not worry about what someone might say, thats spelt wrong,(and what not) i need to get a journal and keep it with me at all times cuz i think that writing down these random though were i can show them or not might be what i need... well im actully really sleepy now and im going to pic up a liitle be4 the boy is home
loving my self a little toby