If you prod me, I might explode...
FYI:
Apparently,
mild sleep deprivation
+ caffeine withdrawal
+ long-term failure to meet a relatively small goal
+ a very small amount of alcohol
= THE WORST MOOD I HAVE BEEN IN SINCE... I DON'T REMEMBER WHEN.
This evening, I have remained calm. Outwardly, at least.
That is the only thing I have accomplished.
It took all my energy.
Apparently, caffeine withdrawal, for me, (coupled with the other factors mentioned above) means that my responses are far more superficial--everything is too close to the surface... I'm being forthright, and saying what I think, and I'm getting upset about things.
These are all very unusual for me.
However, I have not entirely lost control. I have not snapped. I have passed the entire evening without saying out loud "Please leave me alone" or "Actually, you could help by not talking to me."
So that's good. At least I haven't entirely lost it. I still have some ability to utterly refuse to share what I'm thinking.
And I think I'm a little better now. I still kind of hate my brain. I still don't want to answer questions (though of course I am answering questions, since the chemical mayhem in my grey matter is making me perversely frank), because lately my housemate has been reminding me of things that apparently I said weeks or months ago, things which she interprets as commitments to making road trips and etc, and I don't even remember the conversations.
So, thanks for asking, but could you bring that up again when I'm sane?
But, right, I was pointing out how I'm better now... I have mostly given up on trying to keep myself calm and do something, so I'm just going to go to bed and try to remove at least one of the factors making me crazy.
Unfortunately, the caffeine withdrawal and ongoing failure will still be there to mock me in the morning.
Yaaay.
Apparently,
mild sleep deprivation
+ caffeine withdrawal
+ long-term failure to meet a relatively small goal
+ a very small amount of alcohol
= THE WORST MOOD I HAVE BEEN IN SINCE... I DON'T REMEMBER WHEN.
This evening, I have remained calm. Outwardly, at least.
That is the only thing I have accomplished.
It took all my energy.
Apparently, caffeine withdrawal, for me, (coupled with the other factors mentioned above) means that my responses are far more superficial--everything is too close to the surface... I'm being forthright, and saying what I think, and I'm getting upset about things.
These are all very unusual for me.
However, I have not entirely lost control. I have not snapped. I have passed the entire evening without saying out loud "Please leave me alone" or "Actually, you could help by not talking to me."
So that's good. At least I haven't entirely lost it. I still have some ability to utterly refuse to share what I'm thinking.
And I think I'm a little better now. I still kind of hate my brain. I still don't want to answer questions (though of course I am answering questions, since the chemical mayhem in my grey matter is making me perversely frank), because lately my housemate has been reminding me of things that apparently I said weeks or months ago, things which she interprets as commitments to making road trips and etc, and I don't even remember the conversations.
So, thanks for asking, but could you bring that up again when I'm sane?
But, right, I was pointing out how I'm better now... I have mostly given up on trying to keep myself calm and do something, so I'm just going to go to bed and try to remove at least one of the factors making me crazy.
Unfortunately, the caffeine withdrawal and ongoing failure will still be there to mock me in the morning.
Yaaay.