Changes
As some of you may know, I have been dating this guy, Sean, for almost 4 months. Kat, my ex-housemate, was moving out, and Sean needed a place, we needed a roomate, so we decided to have him move in this upcoming weekend. Now that it is so close, I'm having doubts about if him and I are going to work in the long term. I know that we can't live our lives on "what-ifs," however, it is a reality that him and I may not work out in the end; that's a possibility for any couple really.
My sleep has been really erratic lately. I wake up at least 4 or 5 times in the night; less on goodnights, and more on not so good nights. Also, my eating habits have been off, I'll go a day and a half and not be hungry at all, and the next day am starving, just to eat a powerbar and be stuffed again. Maybe I'm worried about Bills and things. I've also been thinking about my father a lot lately. I've been trying to talk to him, and I've been getting no reply really. In the last month and a half, all of our 2 conversations have been less that 5 minutes. He's always got golf, or something else. At the risk of sounding like a blubbering 7 year-old, it would be nice to matter more to him. I have friends that have had no interaction with their father at all, so, one could say that I'm lucky. I don't know which one is worst; not having a dad at all, or having one that is just out of reach. It seems like I have a tendency to be jealous of people being close with the people I care about. In the last few weeks, I have had two really strong jealous reactions to people getting too close to those I care deeply for. I've also discovered that you never stop loving people as deeply as you do at any time. We often assume that with time, and change of interaction, that those feelings will dissapate; interestingly enough, that is not the case. Love is love is love is love; it's as simple as that. Simple <---intresting word choice.
My sleep has been really erratic lately. I wake up at least 4 or 5 times in the night; less on goodnights, and more on not so good nights. Also, my eating habits have been off, I'll go a day and a half and not be hungry at all, and the next day am starving, just to eat a powerbar and be stuffed again. Maybe I'm worried about Bills and things. I've also been thinking about my father a lot lately. I've been trying to talk to him, and I've been getting no reply really. In the last month and a half, all of our 2 conversations have been less that 5 minutes. He's always got golf, or something else. At the risk of sounding like a blubbering 7 year-old, it would be nice to matter more to him. I have friends that have had no interaction with their father at all, so, one could say that I'm lucky. I don't know which one is worst; not having a dad at all, or having one that is just out of reach. It seems like I have a tendency to be jealous of people being close with the people I care about. In the last few weeks, I have had two really strong jealous reactions to people getting too close to those I care deeply for. I've also discovered that you never stop loving people as deeply as you do at any time. We often assume that with time, and change of interaction, that those feelings will dissapate; interestingly enough, that is not the case. Love is love is love is love; it's as simple as that. Simple <---intresting word choice.