HIMYM Fanfic: "Legenfamily" 5/6 B/R
Title: Legenfamily 5/6
Pairing: Barney/Robin
Word Count: 1550
Rating: M
Summary:Three years after their divorce, a night of passion could bind an estranged Barney and Robin together forever.
I do not own HIMYM or anything vaguely related to it. This is my own what-if imagining only.
Part Five
Barney juggled the packages in his arms and rang Robin’s buzzer with his elbow, angling his wrist enough to steal a glance at his watch under the streetlight. Eleven thirty-eight and forty-five seconds. “It’s Barney. Can I come up? Lily knows.”
Robin buzzed him up without a word. She met him at the door to her apartment, five dogs swirling about her slippered feet. “What the hell, Barney? Did you tell Lily?” She crossed her arms under her breasts and glared at him, hard. The Yorkie between her feet drew back one side of its mouth in a snarl. “Inside. Now. Guys, get back.” She shooed the dogs enough to allow Barney to slip through the frenzy of fur. The fawn Greyhound leaned against him, leaving a generous sprinkle of light hair against Barney’s charcoal pant leg.
“She guessed.” He extended his packages en masse, as a peace offering. “Can I put these down? Don’t worry, I covered.”
Robin jabbed a finger toward the coffee table in front of her overstuffed couch. “That’s not encouraging.” She snatched one of the paper bags from him and peeked inside. Her scowl softened by the slightest degree. “Maple brown sugar ice cream gets you one minute to explain. It also gets you the case of LaBatts I bought last week, because I’m sure as hell not going to be drinking it anytime soon.”
“No, I’m good, thanks.” A clear head was what he needed most right now. He set down the pizza box and other two bags on the coffee table, nudging aside a pile of paperback books. “There’s Chinese, pizza, chicken, and you already found the ice cream. I didn’t know what you’d want.”
“What I want is for you to plant it and explain to me what Lily knows and how she knows it.” She made a straight path to the kitchen, dogs trailing in her wake. Her long legs were bare under a familiar pair of navy blue boxers.
Under any other circumstances, he’d have made some crack about her being in his shorts already before he had a chance to sit down. Not now, though. He stepped over the Yorkie and flopped onto the couch. “She guessed. She has super mom powers of intuition. Everybody got to talking about the usual kid stuff, and I may not have reacted with the appropriate disdain.”
From the kitchen, the silverware drawer rattled, then slammed.
“Marshall said Rose saw her first Disney movie, and now their house is buried in princess everything. The phrase, ‘I can’t wait for that’ may have been uttered. Lily zeroed right in on that and asked if I finally knocked up some random skank.”
All five dogs’ ears flattened to their skulls as Robin’s curse split the air. “I am going to kill you.”
“Relax, I told you, I covered. Your name never came up. All I said was that I had not knocked up a random skank.”
“Great.” Robin dropped onto the cushions on the other end of the couch and flipped the lid off the ice cream container. The Yorkie immediately claimed the lid for a prize and dragged it under a nearby chair. “You know she’s not going to let that go. If the woman you knocked up wasn’t a random skank, then it’s somebody you’re actually dating. That kind of information is like blood in the water to a shark. She’s going to want to meet your girlfriend. She’s going to want at least a name, unless you intend to assign sexual partner numbers, which I do not want to know.”
Neither did he. That part of the fearless moral inventory had left him with the cold sweats for weeks. “I said I didn’t want to talk about it, then one of the robots tackled Mexican Wrestler Ted and shorted out. I used the resulting confusion to beat a hasty retreat.”
Panic flashed in Robin’s eyes. “She could have followed you.” She dropped two spoons on top of the books. Two spoons. He’d take that as a good sign.
He shook his head. “I took a circuitous route here, lost Tracy on the subway and the cab that Lily is even now following to Staten Island contains Stanislav, a dancer of my height and build, wearing my overcoat. She won’t be able to grill him, either, because his English is sketchy at best. Unless one of his cousins is still awake and willing to translate. Then we’re screwed.”
“What about Marshall and Ted?”
“Please. They’re headed to their respective homes to relieve the sitters. They won’t have a chance to know anything until the girls fill them in, so you and I have time to get our stories straight.”
Robin jabbed her spoon into the ice cream. “We don’t have stories. We had an accident. We made a mistake.”
“Hey. Our baby is not an accident. A surprise, sure, but not an accident. Being with you was never a mistake.” Barney picked up the second spoon, taking in the title of the book on the top of the pile. “So You’re Having a Baby, Eh?”
Robin shrugged. “It’s Canadian Parenting Monthly’s book of the year. My boss had it messengered over. She thought it might be a good choice for our first book segment.” She paused long enough to stuff a spoonful of ice cream in her mouth and swallow before she made a half turn toward Barney. “Nancy asked if the father was going to be involved.”
“Did my name come up?”
She dashed a drop of ice cream from her lower lip with a flick of her tongue. “Yeah. It did.”
Barney pushed past the familiar tightening sensation in his groin. Clear head. “So you can tell your boss, but I can’t tell our friends? I want to tell our friends. I want to tell my mom and my dad and Sam and Cheryl and JJ and Carly. I want to tell everybody.”
Robin launched herself from the couch, ice cream tub still in hand. “That’s different. The network doesn’t care about my personal life. They care about shooting schedules and segment topics. Lily and Tracy and Marshall and Ted are going to want details. They’re going to assume there’s something going on between us.”
Barney scratched the Golden Retriever behind one ear and hauled himself to standing. “There is something between us. No matter what terms you and I use to refer to each other, we’re going to be family for the rest of our lives.”
The Dalmatian and Golden Retriever collided as they attempted to follow Robin’s path back to the kitchen. “We’re not a family. We’re divorced. Divorced parents aren’t a family.” She shoved an impressive spoonful of ice cream into her mouth, her eyes brimming with unshed tears. “We stopped being a family the second you took that off ramp. Nothing you can say will change that.” Her expression crumpled, all the anger dissolving into closed eyes and scarlet blotches on nose and cheeks.
“Hey.” He wove around the big shaggy mutt and wrapped his arms around Robin from behind. “You’re right, I can’t undo the past three years, but I can tell you one very important thing about that off ramp; it doesn’t exist. There are only two off ramps left to us, Sherbatsky; eighteen years and death. That wasn’t an off ramp in Argentina. It was a detour. The only mistake I made was not fighting for us then, but I am here now, and I am not going anywhere.”
Robin turned in his arms. He knew that brave face she struggled to put on for him, knew how much it cost her to even try for it. “Don’t do this. Don’t be nice. Ted is nice. Be Barney.”
It took nothing at all for him to lift the melting ice cream tub from her hand and set it on the kitchen passthrough counter. “This is who I am without all those defense mechanisms in place. I don’t gamble anymore. I don’t smoke. I don’t bang anything in a skirt, nor do I want to, and I am stone cold sober. So, this guy telling you he will do whatever it takes to make your life and our child’s life better, this is me. This is what I’ve always been beneath all of the self doubt and insecurity, stripped down, laid bare, and for once, I do not mean that in a sexual context.” He cupped the back of her head in one hand, his thumb brushing the base of her ponytail. “Please say something.”
Her lips formed shapes, but sound didn’t come. Wet lashes lowered to cast dark shadows on her cheeks. Her throat worked. “How do you mean it?” she asked at last.
Pairing: Barney/Robin
Word Count: 1550
Rating: M
Summary:Three years after their divorce, a night of passion could bind an estranged Barney and Robin together forever.
I do not own HIMYM or anything vaguely related to it. This is my own what-if imagining only.
Part Five
Barney juggled the packages in his arms and rang Robin’s buzzer with his elbow, angling his wrist enough to steal a glance at his watch under the streetlight. Eleven thirty-eight and forty-five seconds. “It’s Barney. Can I come up? Lily knows.”
Robin buzzed him up without a word. She met him at the door to her apartment, five dogs swirling about her slippered feet. “What the hell, Barney? Did you tell Lily?” She crossed her arms under her breasts and glared at him, hard. The Yorkie between her feet drew back one side of its mouth in a snarl. “Inside. Now. Guys, get back.” She shooed the dogs enough to allow Barney to slip through the frenzy of fur. The fawn Greyhound leaned against him, leaving a generous sprinkle of light hair against Barney’s charcoal pant leg.
“She guessed.” He extended his packages en masse, as a peace offering. “Can I put these down? Don’t worry, I covered.”
Robin jabbed a finger toward the coffee table in front of her overstuffed couch. “That’s not encouraging.” She snatched one of the paper bags from him and peeked inside. Her scowl softened by the slightest degree. “Maple brown sugar ice cream gets you one minute to explain. It also gets you the case of LaBatts I bought last week, because I’m sure as hell not going to be drinking it anytime soon.”
“No, I’m good, thanks.” A clear head was what he needed most right now. He set down the pizza box and other two bags on the coffee table, nudging aside a pile of paperback books. “There’s Chinese, pizza, chicken, and you already found the ice cream. I didn’t know what you’d want.”
“What I want is for you to plant it and explain to me what Lily knows and how she knows it.” She made a straight path to the kitchen, dogs trailing in her wake. Her long legs were bare under a familiar pair of navy blue boxers.
Under any other circumstances, he’d have made some crack about her being in his shorts already before he had a chance to sit down. Not now, though. He stepped over the Yorkie and flopped onto the couch. “She guessed. She has super mom powers of intuition. Everybody got to talking about the usual kid stuff, and I may not have reacted with the appropriate disdain.”
From the kitchen, the silverware drawer rattled, then slammed.
“Marshall said Rose saw her first Disney movie, and now their house is buried in princess everything. The phrase, ‘I can’t wait for that’ may have been uttered. Lily zeroed right in on that and asked if I finally knocked up some random skank.”
All five dogs’ ears flattened to their skulls as Robin’s curse split the air. “I am going to kill you.”
“Relax, I told you, I covered. Your name never came up. All I said was that I had not knocked up a random skank.”
“Great.” Robin dropped onto the cushions on the other end of the couch and flipped the lid off the ice cream container. The Yorkie immediately claimed the lid for a prize and dragged it under a nearby chair. “You know she’s not going to let that go. If the woman you knocked up wasn’t a random skank, then it’s somebody you’re actually dating. That kind of information is like blood in the water to a shark. She’s going to want to meet your girlfriend. She’s going to want at least a name, unless you intend to assign sexual partner numbers, which I do not want to know.”
Neither did he. That part of the fearless moral inventory had left him with the cold sweats for weeks. “I said I didn’t want to talk about it, then one of the robots tackled Mexican Wrestler Ted and shorted out. I used the resulting confusion to beat a hasty retreat.”
Panic flashed in Robin’s eyes. “She could have followed you.” She dropped two spoons on top of the books. Two spoons. He’d take that as a good sign.
He shook his head. “I took a circuitous route here, lost Tracy on the subway and the cab that Lily is even now following to Staten Island contains Stanislav, a dancer of my height and build, wearing my overcoat. She won’t be able to grill him, either, because his English is sketchy at best. Unless one of his cousins is still awake and willing to translate. Then we’re screwed.”
“What about Marshall and Ted?”
“Please. They’re headed to their respective homes to relieve the sitters. They won’t have a chance to know anything until the girls fill them in, so you and I have time to get our stories straight.”
Robin jabbed her spoon into the ice cream. “We don’t have stories. We had an accident. We made a mistake.”
“Hey. Our baby is not an accident. A surprise, sure, but not an accident. Being with you was never a mistake.” Barney picked up the second spoon, taking in the title of the book on the top of the pile. “So You’re Having a Baby, Eh?”
Robin shrugged. “It’s Canadian Parenting Monthly’s book of the year. My boss had it messengered over. She thought it might be a good choice for our first book segment.” She paused long enough to stuff a spoonful of ice cream in her mouth and swallow before she made a half turn toward Barney. “Nancy asked if the father was going to be involved.”
“Did my name come up?”
She dashed a drop of ice cream from her lower lip with a flick of her tongue. “Yeah. It did.”
Barney pushed past the familiar tightening sensation in his groin. Clear head. “So you can tell your boss, but I can’t tell our friends? I want to tell our friends. I want to tell my mom and my dad and Sam and Cheryl and JJ and Carly. I want to tell everybody.”
Robin launched herself from the couch, ice cream tub still in hand. “That’s different. The network doesn’t care about my personal life. They care about shooting schedules and segment topics. Lily and Tracy and Marshall and Ted are going to want details. They’re going to assume there’s something going on between us.”
Barney scratched the Golden Retriever behind one ear and hauled himself to standing. “There is something between us. No matter what terms you and I use to refer to each other, we’re going to be family for the rest of our lives.”
The Dalmatian and Golden Retriever collided as they attempted to follow Robin’s path back to the kitchen. “We’re not a family. We’re divorced. Divorced parents aren’t a family.” She shoved an impressive spoonful of ice cream into her mouth, her eyes brimming with unshed tears. “We stopped being a family the second you took that off ramp. Nothing you can say will change that.” Her expression crumpled, all the anger dissolving into closed eyes and scarlet blotches on nose and cheeks.
“Hey.” He wove around the big shaggy mutt and wrapped his arms around Robin from behind. “You’re right, I can’t undo the past three years, but I can tell you one very important thing about that off ramp; it doesn’t exist. There are only two off ramps left to us, Sherbatsky; eighteen years and death. That wasn’t an off ramp in Argentina. It was a detour. The only mistake I made was not fighting for us then, but I am here now, and I am not going anywhere.”
Robin turned in his arms. He knew that brave face she struggled to put on for him, knew how much it cost her to even try for it. “Don’t do this. Don’t be nice. Ted is nice. Be Barney.”
It took nothing at all for him to lift the melting ice cream tub from her hand and set it on the kitchen passthrough counter. “This is who I am without all those defense mechanisms in place. I don’t gamble anymore. I don’t smoke. I don’t bang anything in a skirt, nor do I want to, and I am stone cold sober. So, this guy telling you he will do whatever it takes to make your life and our child’s life better, this is me. This is what I’ve always been beneath all of the self doubt and insecurity, stripped down, laid bare, and for once, I do not mean that in a sexual context.” He cupped the back of her head in one hand, his thumb brushing the base of her ponytail. “Please say something.”
Her lips formed shapes, but sound didn’t come. Wet lashes lowered to cast dark shadows on her cheeks. Her throat worked. “How do you mean it?” she asked at last.