Beginnings - UNCONTROL (14/15)
Title - Beginnings - UNCONTROL (14/15)
Author - unwritten_ideas
Beta - write_my_dreams
Rating - eventual NC-17, this part NC-17
Word Count - 7,206 (69,000ish total)
Pairing - eventual Gackt x You
Characters - Gackt, You, Chacha, Junji, Chirolyn
Disclaimer - don’t own squat and if I did, I’d be posting this with pictures
Breakfast, The Talk and yukata.
Tokyo, August 28th
His bed, You had decided, was very uncomfortable. It was too small, too hard, didn’t have the right thickness of comforter, faced the wrong direction and was far too close to the window that currently insisted on pouring blinding early morning light on him when he all he wanted was the darkness of sleep. Yes, it was very uncomfortable. Or, at least it was when compared to Gackt’s spacious, soft, dimly lit bed with enough comforters and pillows to make a fort out of.
You’s bed was also lacking in one very important feature when compared to Gackt’s bed. It was lacking, well, Gackt.
But, that seemed to be the theme of the last few days. Ever since the last live, when an attempt at The Talk, a discussion so potentially serious that You had mentally given it capital letters, had instead turned into You achieving his best orgasm in recently memory between Gackt’s smooth thighs, he’d barely seen the man. It wasn’t through lack of trying, but Gackt was just so damn busy.
There were the never ending Nemuri Kyoshiro meetings. The meetings with the designers and seamstresses that worked on Gackt’s kimono range. The long distance phone calls with the Bunraku and Toronto Film Festival staff about Gackt’s appearance at the film premier. Hour after hour of scouting locations in Toronto for the calendars. Hour after hour scouting locations in Barcelona for the Dears trip. The continually on-going editing of Platinum Box XI.
In the four days since that last live and that wonderful night spent in Gackt’s fantastic bed with Gackt curled up against him, You hadn’t seen Gackt for more than thirty minutes at any one time. They’d spoken on the phone whenever Gackt’s schedule had given him a spare five minutes, and You was touched that Gackt had thought of him during those snatched moments, but it wasn’t enough.
Everything was still too new, too precious and too easily breakable for You to be comfortable with this degree of separation. He knew and understood that this is how life would be with Gackt as after eleven years of playing by his side, You knew how little free time Gackt had, but he also knew that if they had any hopes of building a long lasting relationship without destroying the one they already had, they needed time together.
They needed to have The Talk.
You was disturbed from his musings by a harsh knock at his front door. There had been no call through to his apartment from the front door of the apartment complex he lived in so he knew it had to be a neighbour. He got out of bed, threw on his house robe, and scowled at the clock that showed that it was still too damn early to deal with the dramas of his neighbours. He didn’t quite know how it had happened, but he’d become the go to guy of the complex for anyone that had ran out of milk, eggs, rice… He had a sneaking suspicion that his neighbours in need, always female, always young, always single, were merely knocking his door in the hope of one day finding Gackt there, but You had never been the kind to ignore the needs of someone else.
Even if he did think they were abusing his good nature just to get to his friend.
Scratch that, his lover.
That would take some getting used to.
You smiled as that one simple word, lover, brought back images of Gackt underneath him, bare skin against bare skin and how it felt to have Gackt completely unravel by his hands alone. He was so lost in his thoughts that he unlocked the door on auto-pilot, completely ignoring the spy hole in his door, and opened it swiftly, his eyes full of visions of endlessly smooth skin and silky black hair.
“Good morning, You-kun! I brought you breakfast.”
You had to blink several times before he trusted his eyes enough to speak. “Gaku?”
Gackt smiled brightly, his eyes hidden by oversized sunglasses and his hands full of what appeared to be breakfast and coffee. “Can I come in? Your breakfast is getting cold.”
You stepped aside and watched in surprised silence as Gackt swiftly walked through to his kitchen and deposited the food and drink on the counter. “You brought me breakfast?”
“I guess it should be breakfast in bed,” Gackt said thoughtfully, “but I thought it’d be rude of me to just walk in and interrupt without knocking first.”
You walked over to the plain, paper bag that Gackt had left on the counter and began to empty out the contents. “You can walk in and interrupt me whenever you want.”
Gackt smiled wickedly. “I’ll remember that.”
You looked through the little containers that now covered his counter space. Miso soup, rice, sashimi, salad and sliced fruit. “Thank Chef Izumi for me.”
“What?” Gackt said, looking slightly offended, “I made all of this…” One look at You’s face showed that he didn’t believe him. “Okay, Izumi made it all, but I supervised.”
“Thank you, Gaku,” You said before leaving a chaste kiss on Gackt’s cheek. “Why are you here anyway? You’ve been a difficult man to track down these past few days.”
Gackt sighed. “I know. Whenever I thought that I’d finally resolved all of the issues with one project, something else was demanding my time. I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have to apologise,” You said, pausing briefly to grab a pair of chopsticks before tucking into the rice, “I know how busy you are.”
“I’d rather have been with you,” Gackt smiled sadly, “if that’s any consolation.”
You smiled back. “It is. So, your schedule is free this morning?”
“The only thing I have scheduled for today is the live later on so I thought I’d bring breakfast.”
“Well,” You said after swallowing down a mouthful of rice, “they say that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.”
Gackt laughed briefly, but quickly turned serious. “This isn’t a bribe, You-kun, it’s sustenance for the discussion we need to have.”
Oh. The Talk. In all of the excitement of finally seeing Gackt again, alone and with food, You had forgotten about The Talk. It had been, alongside more generalised Gackt thoughts, the one thing that had dominated You’s thoughts over the last few days, but yet again, the mere sight of Gackt and the ability to touch him, to run his fingers through Gackt’s unstyled and slightly frizzy hair, just as he was now, had been enough to distract his thoughts.
Gackt removed his sunglasses to reveal his natural brown eyes and placed them on the counter. “I haven’t forgotten about it.”
“I think we should probably move this to the living room. We can relax better there,” You said before picking up the small containers of food, ready to move them to the table there.
“I think you’re forgetting something,” said Gackt, “something important.”
You paused in his movements. “Oh?”
“You haven’t said good morning to me yet.”
You put the containers back onto the counter. “How rude of me. I should do that immediately.”
Gackt chuckled as You’s arms snaked around his waist and a small kiss was placed upon the tip of his nose. “It’s very rude. I can’t stand rude people.”
It was Gackt who initiated the kiss, his hands slipping into You’s sleep mussed hair as he swiftly closed the distance between their lips. He forced You to take a couple of steps back until the edge of the counter top was digging uncomfortably into You’s lower back, but the guitarist didn’t care, not when Gackt was so skilfully mapping out his mouth with his tongue and gently stroking his jawline with the hand that wasn’t wrapped in his hair.
You knew that he could quite easily stay in that small kitchen all day, feasting on the kisses that Gackt was showering him with. Who cares about a live when your whole world consists of touching Gackt, feeling Gackt and tasting Gackt? But now that Gackt had raised the subject, the thoughts of The Talk were back, and You knew they could avoid it no longer.
Reluctantly he broke the kiss and leaned back, effectively removing his lips from striking distance of Gackt’s kisses. It was enough to make Gackt pause, but not enough for Gackt to back away and let You remove himself from the harsh counter that still dug into him. “The Talk, Gaku. Remember?”
“Yes, yes,” Gackt said dismissively. “I was just reminding myself what we’re talking about. You grab the food, and I’ll get the coffee.”
It didn’t take long for them to make themselves comfortable in You’s minimalistic living room. The low table in front of the couch was soon full of Chef Izumi’s hard work, and You was happy to see that Gackt had helped himself to a soup bowl in the kitchen and was slowly supping some of the miso soup. It had been years since You had last seen Gackt eat anything during the morning, and even if Gackt was eating it through reasons other than hunger, food always was a great distraction in difficult situations after all, at least he was eating. They sat at opposite ends of the couch but Gackt ensured that there was still contact by sitting sideways and depositing his feet into You’s lap.
You couldn’t help but pick at the red socks that Gackt wore. He was nervous, four days of thinking of nothing else but what he was going to say hadn’t helped, but he knew they couldn’t run from the conversation. He took a deep breath, and rushed right in. “Whenever I’m with you it all seems so easy and I think we don’t need to talk at all, but when I’m alone, all of these problems and doubts begin to surface.”
“Doubts?” Gackt questioned. “Do you doubt me?”
“No, not you,” You quickly clarified, “never you. But… We’ve known each other for seemingly forever. My life is an open book to you, Gaku, you probably know more about me than I can remember myself. Can we move from that to being lovers?”
“Someone told me once that the greatest lover you can have is someone you were friends with before,” Gackt said simply, “and we were, are, the best of friends. Doesn’t that mean we could be the best of lovers too?”
You paused. He didn’t know how Gackt would react to his next words, but he knew he had to say them. “You know everything about me, both good and bad. I know so much about you too… but you hide things from me, Gaku. Your nightmares. Your weaknesses. I don’t think this can work the way we both want it to if you’re hiding from me.”
Gackt closed his eyes. He knew, deep down inside, that You was correct. You had always been his comfort and his security without ever knowing what he was comforting and guarding Gackt from and that had been fine, not ideal, but fine when they were friends. He knew that as lovers, however, it could only work if he was as open and honest as You.
“I’m happy to give you everything I am,” You said softly, “but I don’t think it’s going to work if that’s a one way agreement. We could be so good together, Gaku, but you need to let me in.”
They very fact that they were having this conversation was a sign of how good they could be together. Usually, Gackt was able to hide any weaknesses behind his doll masks and carefully constructed walls, and his usual choice in partner had no desire to throw away those masks or break those walls down. They wanted Gackt the Rockstar and all of his beauty, strength and confidence. But You… You wanted him, he wanted that insecure mess that You had met in a dark live house in Kyoto nearly twenty years ago.
How could Gackt deny his wish?
“I can’t…” Gackt stopped. “You’re right. Of course you’re right. I need time though… I can’t just…”
“It’s okay, Gaku,” You smiled. “We don’t have to do this now, just knowing that you will, someday, is enough.”
Gackt opened his eyes. “I’ve never purposely hid things from you, I just don’t like speaking about them or admitting that…” he sighed, “that I’m weak.”
“You’re the strongest person I know, Gaku,” You said, “and I know the little man of steel that is Chacha. Trust me when I say that there’s nothing you can say that will surprise me or make me think any less of you.”
Four nights ago, when You had taken care of him and they’d fallen asleep together, Gackt had resolved to never doubt You’s words again. As Gackt looked at You now, he realised in an instant that You already knew everything. He didn’t know how, although he suspected that his sister may have been involved somehow, but You knew of his fears of abandonment and of the childhood ghosts that haunted him sometimes. You knew, You accepted it and You still loved him.
It was both humbling and overwhelming.
“I believe you,” Gackt said quietly, “and I won’t hide from you anymore.”
“Good,” You said, before pulling gently on Gackt’s big toe in an attempt to lighten Gackt’s mood. He hadn’t intended for The Talk to get quite this deep or upsetting for Gackt. “What have you been thinking about these past few days?”
Gackt recognised the question for what it was - a way out of a conversation that had quickly turned into something deeper and more upsetting that Gackt had expected to become a part of. The fact that You had realised his discomfort and had purposely steered the conversation away from the subject, content to believe that Gackt really would discuss it at a later date, made Gackt’s heart swell.
“All I’ve thought about the past few days is you and work,” Gackt answered. “The thoughts soon became mixed up and I started thinking about how this, us, would affect our careers.”
Our careers, You noted, not my career as it probably should have been. You was more than aware that the career belonged to Gackt and that he was just along for the ride for as long as it lasted, but Gackt’s willingness to share his success with You would never cease to amaze. “I did wonder how it would affect Job,” You stated.
“We’ve always been very good at keeping our private lives away from work,” Gackt began. “I think we proved that in Europe when we kept our arguments firmly off stage.” Gackt paused. The thought of those arguments in Europe was still raw to him. “We need to continue that and keep our relationship away from the stage and the cameras.”
“Hide it?” You asked.
Gackt shook his head slightly. “Not from those we work with closely, but it should never become a work issue. Just like work should never become an issue between us.”
“There’s a difference?” You asked.
“I’m your boss, You-kun,” Gackt said softly. “If I have to give you a kick in rehearsal, or tell you that you’re doing something wrong, I don’t want you to hold that against me when the working day is over. It’s work. It’s business. It’s not us and it’s not this.”
“I won’t hold that against you,” You began, “as long as if I do something wrong, you don’t hold that against me outside of work either.”
“That’s a fair point,” Gackt conceded. “I was also thinking about something else.”
“Oh?” You asked.
“Work is to be kept completely separate, and I want it to continue as normal. So, I’m not going to stop flirting with people,” Gackt said before adding, “at least not where work is concerned.”
“I think you need to clarify that a little.”
Gackt sighed. “I flirt with interviewers, with photographers, with producers and researchers… other guests… I’m not going to stop doing that. I don’t think I can after so many years of flirting with everyone.”
“But that’s all in front of the camera, or at least, it’s related to being in front of the camera,” You said. “I wouldn’t expect you to change that.”
Gackt didn’t even attempt to hide his surprise. “Oh? I didn’t think you’d like that, especially as most of the time you’re there when I’m flirting.”
“I don’t care what you do on camera or on stage, just what you do away from them,” You said seriously.
Gackt’s back stiffened slightly. He could tell from You’s tone of voice that there was something he wasn’t saying. “I think you need to clarify that.”
You took a deep breath. “It’s like we said earlier, Gaku. I’ve known you for years. That means I know your relationship history and how you behave in relationships.”
“I’m not following you,” Gackt said coolly, placing his now cold miso soup onto the table next to the rest of the forgotten breakfast.
“I’ve seen you cheat on nearly every partner you’ve had. I’ve seen you fuck your way through your fanbase, Gaku,” You stated plainly. “That all stops now. I won’t let you play me the same way you’ve played everybody else these last few years.”
Gackt turned his head away from You and stared into the distance, momentarily unable to look You in the eye. You’s words had angered him. He hadn’t expected to hear them and most certainly hadn’t wanted to hear them. Those relationships of the last few years, regardless of whether they had lasted for a few hours or a few months, were no business of You’s and how dare he suggest that Gackt would “play him”!
Gackt bit down, his teeth tightly clenched and jaw set as his blunt but manicured fingernails began to dig into the flesh of the palm of his hands. He couldn’t believe that You would throw his history at him like that, in doing so the other man was practically accusing him of cheating before there was even enough of a relationship to cheat on.
He was angry. He was livid… and it was all aimed at himself. Not You. All You had done was, after all, spoken a few home truths that Gackt always tried to deny or explain away as the actions of a rock star living up to what was expected of him. Although he hated his weaknesses and failings and tried his best to pretend that they never existed, Gackt was also immensely self aware. Deep down, he knew exactly why he had behaved the way had, and it was nothing to do with living up to an image.
“It’s a bit harsh to accuse me of playing you before I’ve even had a chance, isn’t it?” Gackt asked in a controlled and monotonous voice that instantly made You nervous. It was a tone that was far too detached for such a personal and emotional conversation.
“I wasn’t accusing you of anything,” You responded, “but the reason for this talk is so that we can make sure that we understand each other and know the ground rules. Well, that’s my ground rule. If somebody is with me, then they’re with me exclusively and I won’t change that rule, not even for you.”
“I wouldn’t ask you to,” Gackt said calmly.
“Good,” You replied. “I’m sorry if you felt that I was accusing you, but if the roles were reversed and it was me that had fucked around like you have, wouldn’t you have raised the issue too?”
Gackt scowled at You, but had no reply because he knew, just as much as You did, that he would have raised the issue also. He’d have been a fool not to. It still hurt though, to have You utter those words to him and to so effectively lay out the behaviour that had ultimately led to a string of broken relationships and a completely empty and unfulfilling personal life. No wonder he worked so much.
It was a sad state of affairs, but Gackt knew that the last few days since You had confessed his love had filled him with a happiness and glow that he hadn’t felt in years. He didn’t want to lose that, and he didn’t want to lose You. Gackt closed his eyes and thought back to what he’d promised only a few minutes earlier. “I said I wouldn’t hide from you anymore, didn’t I?”
You was puzzled by the apparent change of conversation topic, but he quickly realised that there had probably been no change at all. “Yes, you did.”
“Sometimes it was my own selfishness,” Gackt began as he opened his eyes and began to stare at the wall again, “I needed sex and didn’t want to either wait until the tour was over and I was with my partner again or find release on my own. Sometimes it was an ego boost, my way of reminding myself of exactly how many people find me attractive and want to fuck me. But sometimes….” his voice trailed off.
You placed his hands on Gackt’s shins and rubbed them gently in a gesture he hoped that Gackt would realise was meant to be reassuring. “Sometimes…?” You prompted.
“I just didn’t want to be alone,” Gackt finished quietly.
They sat in silence for a few moments, Gackt’s gaze rigidly fixed on the wall and You’s gaze just as rigidly fixed on Gackt. His hands were still massaging Gackt’s shins, but the singer made no signal that he appreciated the gesture or even that he’d noticed it at all. You didn’t stop, however, he thought it was important to keep the contact and to remind Gackt that he was still there, despite his admission, and had no plans on going anywhere.
Finally, it was You who spoke. “Well, you don’t need to worry about having to find someone else on tour when you need sex because I’m at every live you are. If you need an ego boost I can give you that and there are plenty of ways you can get one from the fans without sleeping with them, Gaku.
“And,” You added, “I promise that you’ll never feel lonely ever again because I’ll always be there, standing beside you.”
Finally, Gackt dragged his eyes away from the wall and looked at You. There was nothing hidden in that small but warm smile that decorated You’s lips, there was no deception and no hint that You was holding anything back. All Gackt could see was faith, hope and trust that despite You’s knowledge of Gackt’s track record, things would all be different this time.
For the second time that morning, Gackt felt unbelievably overwhelmed.
“I feel like you’re giving me so much,” hope, trust, a chance “and I’m giving you nothing,” Gackt said softly.
You stopped rubbing Gackt’s shins and gently parted Gackt’s legs before crawling up the couch and settling against Gackt’s chest, his head with its still messy and still unbrushed bed hair tucked neatly underneath Gackt’s chin. Gackt’s arms instantly wrapped around him, pulling him closer to his body, and feather light kisses were reined upon his head.
“You’re giving me you,” You answered, “all of you - even the bad parts. That’s the most precious thing you have and far outweighs anything I can give.”
“Only you could consider my bad parts to be precious,” Gackt chuckled.
“They contribute to the wonderful whole that is my boyfriend so of course they’re precious,” You said.
“It still feels kinda weird to hear you call me that,” Gackt said softly. “Every time I hear you say that, it just reminds me of how we’re putting nearly twenty years of friendship at risk.”
“I don’t think either of us expect this to be an easy transition,” You responded, “that only happens in fiction I think, but we will make this work. The talk this morning has helped, hasn’t it?”
“It has,” Gackt conceded. “I guess that it was because of our friendship that we were able to talk about these things instead of just stumbling blindly into a relationship and hurting each other in the process.”
You closed his eyes and buried his head further into Gackt’s chest. The smell of Platinum Egoist that surrounded him was both familiar and comforting. “Exactly. And we need to keep talking if we want this to work.”
“It will work,” Gackt said firmly. “This is too important to me to fail.”
You smiled and lifted his head so that he could kiss that little space between Gackt’s collarbones. “I have faith in us.”
Gackt placed a hand under You’s chin and lifted his head further so that he could continue those kisses that You had stopped in the kitchen. You sat up slightly and leaned into the kiss, his fingers lightly tracing patterns across Gackt’s face as the kiss deepened and turned from something sweet, to something more.
This time, it was Gackt who pulled away. “As much as I’d love to stay here for the rest of the day, we do have a live and if we’re late for two shows in a row Chacha will skin us both alive.”
“I’m not scared of Cha,” You said before stealing another kiss.
“No?” Gackt asked. “Well, I am. You can protect me.”
You laughed and reluctantly stood up, his good mood dampened slightly when his fingers tried to work through his hair and failed. He desperately needed a hair cut. “I should shower.”
“I have a few errands to do so I’ll see you at the show?” Gackt asked.
“Of course,” You replied. “But aren’t you forgetting something?”
Gackt stood up, a puzzled look crossing his face. “Am I?”
“You haven’t said goodbye to me yet.”
Gackt smiled. “How rude of me. I should do that immediately.”
The repetition of the words he had spoken earlier made You laugh as Gackt’s hands reached out to frame his face, but his laughter was soon silenced by hot lips pressing against his own. Every time Gackt kissed him it was like being kissed for the very first time. It was new, exciting and always something he’d never felt before.
Gackt was still holding his face as the kiss deepened, and the gentleness in his touch made You feel treasured. It was as if he was a priceless antique that Gackt didn’t want to damage with rough handling. In fact, You thought, Gackt had touched him with nothing but reverence and tenderness since this had all started. There had been passion, of course, the low growls in Gackt’s throat and his inability to stop kissing You were signs of that, but it was always restrained behind this softness that You hadn’t expected to feel from Gackt.
Gackt was strength and he was fire, drive and impulsiveness. You wanted to feel that.
But not now.
“I think that may be the best goodbye I’ve ever had,” You said after Gackt finally broke the kiss.
“Really?” Gackt asked. “You should see how I say goodnight.”
“I’ll add it to the list of things I need to do with you,” You mused. “What are these errands you need to do? I thought your schedule was clear for today.”
Gackt made his way to the entrance hall of You’s apartment and slipped on his shoes. “It is clear… The errand is for the live. I have a surprise for everyone.”
A surprise? You was about to question Gackt further when he suddenly realised that tonight’s live was the show where the fans were expected to wear three layers of clothing. A slight feeling of nervousness erupted in the pit of his stomach when he also realised that due to his mind being clouded by thoughts of Gackt, he had no idea what he would be expected to wear and hadn’t even asked.
“What are we wearing?” You asked.
Gackt chuckled. “I thought you would have asked before now. Junji has been sending me emails every hour, on the hour for the last three days asking that question.”
“And you haven’t told him,” You surmised.
“Of course not,” Gackt said with a wicked grin. “I told you - it’s a surprise. See you at the venue and don’t be late!”
*~*~*~
“You threw your thong to the crowd.”
Gackt had been searching through the assorted bottles that cluttered the make up table in his dressing room, his spirits and energy surprisingly high despite the live only finishing ten minutes before, but the sound of You’s loud and excited voice drew him away from the lotions and potions in front of him. “Hmm?”
“You threw your thong to the audience. You reached into your yukata and threw a thong. A pink thong,” You exclaimed.
“I think it was nearer to red than pink,” Gackt clarified.
“That’s not the point!” You squealed, “you threw one of your thongs… wait…” You paused. “It wasn’t the one you were wearing, was it?”
Gackt laughed. The live had been a stressful one. Various circumstances out of Gackt’s usually iron clad control had meant the live had been cancelled, only to be reinstated later and it had caused Gackt to receive numerous angry emails from fans who felt that they had been mistreated. The announcement that the fans were expected to wear three layers of clothing to a live during one of the hottest summers on record, one that claimed many lives due to the unrelenting heat, had caused another stream of equally angry emails. Ticket sales had been sluggish and Gackt had, at one point, been a few seconds away from cancelling the whole live and trying to forget it had ever happened. But he wasn’t a quitter. As long as some fans were happy and wanted to see him, then the show would go on.
Gackt had learned many years ago that you can’t please all of the people all of the time. Some days, he thought, he’d settle just for pleasing some people some of the time.
As a way of making things right with the fans who were there, and because it also conveniently filled some of the space left by the poor ticket sales, a walkway had been added to the stage set. It meant more fans could get close to the band and also served as a great way to advertise his new yukata line that the band had wore.
The band had all been pleasantly surprised with that choice of clothing, and Gackt himself thought it was rather inspired of him to choose yukata for the band, especially as You looked particularly stunning in the blue yukata that he still wore.
Gackt leaned against the table behind him. “Do you think I’d throw the thong I was wearing?”
You paused. “I didn’t think you’d throw one at all.”
“Well,” Gackt said with a seductive smile. You did look hotter than the blazing sun outside. “You could always check if it was the one I was wearing.”
It took You a few seconds to realise the inference behind Gackt’s words, but once understood, he approached the singer with smooth but determined strides. Gackt always looked good in whatever he wore, no matter how tight, bright or leopard skin it might be, but there was something about him in traditional Japanese dress that was always so much more. The black yukata hung on Gackt’s slender but muscular body perfectly and hinted at what lay beneath in a way no other clothes could.
You’s mouth felt dry. “You want me to check?”
“No,” Gackt shook his head. “You want to check. I’m just letting you.”
You smiled and stepped closer to Gackt, the material of his own yukata feeling so smooth against his legs. He slipped his arms around Gackt’s waist, took hold of the bow at the back of the obi Gackt wore, and with the aid of the mirror behind Gackt and those impromptu obi tying lessons he’d had earlier from the staff when he was bored, You was able to quickly untie and remove Gackt’s obi. You stood back and with eager and sure hands, opened Gackt’s yukata to reveal a firm and sweaty chest, those same muscular thighs he now knew so well…
…and a black thong.
“I tucked the pink one underneath the straps on this one,” Gackt explained. “I wouldn’t throw a worn one.”
You lightly ran the back of his hand over Gackt’s stomach, loving the little gasp of pleasure the gesture brought from Gackt’s lips. “I thought you said the thong was red.”
“Does it matter?” Gackt asked, his voice hitching slightly when You’s hand moved lower and brushed over his thong covered cock.
“I guess not,” You mused before adding in a quiet voice, “I locked the door when I came in.”
Gackt quickly grabbed You’s wrists and using his superior strength and the element of surprise was able to push You against the nearest wall before the guitarist had time to blink. “Have I told you today how much I love you?”
You’s obi was on the floor and his yukata was ripped open in record time. “Yes,” You replied, “but feel free to tell me again.”
Gackt kissed him harshly, the force of the action causing You’s back to hit the wall behind him as Gackt pressed against his front. Warm hands were soon inside his yukata and roaming over his lower back, tracing You’s smooth skin before moving lower and skirting over the clinging material of You’s tight boxer shorts.
There was no clothing between them other than their underwear as their yukatas had both been pushed aside by Gackt’s eager hands. It was skin against skin as Gackt’s lips continued to move against You’s own, and You wrapped his arms around Gackt’s neck, his hands slipping down to rub across Gackt’s shoulder blades and, in the process, causing the yukata to slip from Gackt’s shoulders.
Gackt moved his hands back around to You’s front and in one swift motion, pulled You’s boxers down until they hit the floor.
“I love you,” Gackt muttered between kisses. “Lie down.”
Gackt’s voice, deepened slightly by lust and desire, left no room for argument although You had no fight in him anyway. Those kisses of Gackt’s, the feel of the other man pressed against him and the strength in that body that was smaller than his own yet still more powerful, was more than enough to make You comply with any wish that Gackt had. He trusted Gackt to take care of him and make things good, just as he had done for Gackt four nights previously, so You decided to give into the fire coursing through his veins and simply do as he was asked.
The sight of You, gloriously nude yet still draped in a yukata that he had designed, was almost too much for Gackt to bear. You was lying down on the couch in the dressing room, his legs crossed at the ankles, arms behind his head and his body glistening slightly as the too strong artificial lights that had been hurting Gackt’s eyes caught the sweat that still clung to You’s skin. Gackt had been meaning to turn the lights off. Now, he wanted them even brighter.
You was watching him, his eyes full of darkness and promise as Gackt slowly approached the couch. “Did you think I’d take my thong off for anyone other than you?” Gackt asked.
“I hoped you wouldn’t,” You said. “I’m also hoping that because it’s just you and me, you’ll take if off now.”
Gackt smirked. “How could I ever say no to you?”
You watched silently as Gackt ran his fingertips down the side of his stomach, his yukata falling slightly off his shoulders again due to the movement, until they reached the top of his thong. He hooked his fingers inside the thin straps either side and in one confident and smooth motion, he pulled the thong down and allowed it to slide down his legs before pooling at his feet.
You’s fingers itched to touch. His tongue wanted to lick, his mouth wanted to suck and his skin wanted to feel all of Gackt pressed against him. It was a breath stealing sight to see Gackt draped in one of his expensive yukatas, a traditional Japanese beauty, yet nude at the same time. Gackt had such natural confidence as he stood there, simply waiting for You to have his fill of looking at him, although You thought that he could stare at Gackt all day and it wouldn’t be enough, and it was a confidence that You was slightly envious of.
“You’re beautiful,” You whispered.
Gackt smiled. “Not compared to you.”
Finally, You got his wish. Gackt climbed on top of You, chest to chest, hip to hip and cock to cock and kissed him. You was drowning in the sensations of Gackt’s kisses and the feel of his body stretched out on top of his own. His hands were in Gackt’s hair, avoiding the braids in favour of the damp, loose strands that wrapped so easily around his fingers. Gackt grunted into the kiss when You accidentally tugged on his hair and moaned in bliss when You did it on purpose.
Gackt was all over him. His kisses were all consuming and bruising, his hands seemed to be everywhere at once, and Gackt’s hips had started to move, their rhythm jerky, but enough to cause their hardened cocks to rub so blissfully against each other.
This is what You had expected. This was the strength, fire, drive and impulsiveness that he had wanted to feel.
Gackt was thrusting against him in a fierce and quick manner now, and You parted his legs more, allowing Gackt to settle more comfortably between them. The new position turned those rough movements into a steady, but equally powerful thrust that made You’s skin tingle.
Imagine that rhythm… that strength… buried deep inside… You moaned, breaking the kiss as he did so.
Gackt didn’t seem to care and instead feasted on You’s neck. He wanted nothing more than to sink his teeth into You’s flesh and mark him as his own, but even in his lust induced haze, Gackt had the self control to satisfy himself with light nips and never in the same place twice. There was a televised live tomorrow after all.
The friction of You’s erect cock against his own was delightful. After You had told him that he’d locked the door, Gackt had expected the night to have ended with him inside You. Or You inside him….. either way was good. But this friction, the hardness against his cock and the body beneath him was more than enough for Gackt. There were so many ways to have sex and pleasure your partner, and from the steady stream of groans that spilled from You’s mouth, it was most certainly very pleasing.
A hand clasped around both his cock and Gackt’s, and You arched his back in pleasure, his chest bumping against the firmness of the body above him. Gackt’s strokes were long and controlled, designed to merely add to the pleasure instead of bringing it to an end, and You found that all he could do was wrap his arms around Gackt’s neck and hold on. He kissed any part of Gackt that he could reach, his mouth tasting Gackt’s hair more often than his skin, but he didn’t care. He just needed to touch the man that owned his body with every movement of his hips.
You hadn’t expected the night to end like this, but again, he had no complaints. His hands grabbed onto Gackt’s yukata, the black of Gackt’s yukata mixing with the blue of his own and pooling at their sides. There was something exciting about being pleasured like this, still half dressed in something so old fashioned and pure and especially when it had been designed by the hand of the man above him.
You’s moans of pleasure were sweet music to Gackt’s ears. He wanted to hear more of them, but he knew that things wouldn’t last much longer. He quickened the pace of his hands and his hips, pouring all of the strength in his body into his movements. He wanted You so much. He wanted to feel him unravel and hear his sweet voice break with bliss.
He didn’t have to wait much longer.
You’s back arched and he threw his head back as the combination of Gackt’s skilful hand and the friction from his velvety cock finally drove You over the edge. He groaned Gackt’s name and buried his face in Gackt’s hair as he rode out the waves that crashed through his body. A couple of short, sharp thrusts later and Gackt collapsed on top of him, his head pressed against You’s collar bone, body totally spent and with a sly smile on his face.
It was You that spoke first. “That was… I don’t know… I think you killed me.”
Gackt laughed. “I think I killed me.”
Gackt pulled away from You slightly and nudged You’s body to the side so that he could slip behind him on the couch, his yukata bunching uncomfortably around his legs until he was able to kick it loose. His fingers were covered in a mixture of both his cum and You’s, and Gackt nearly lost it again when You took a firm grip of his wrist, pulled Gackt’s hand to his mouth, and licked those cum covered fingers.
“Jeez, You-kun,” Gackt said, “you really are trying to kill me.”
You smiled. “We taste so good together.”
Gackt cocked a well plucked eyebrow. “Really? I should try.” You watched in rapt silence as Gackt lowered his head to You’s stomach and licked away the few drops that his fingers hadn’t caught. “You’re right, we taste delicious.”
Once finished, Gackt lay back down beside You and placed his head on You’s shoulder, his eyes slipping shut in contentment when You kissed his brow. This was bliss. His body was still slightly buzzing from the combination of a good live and good sex, and now here he was, lying in the arms of the person he loved the most.
“It’s been a strange day,” You said, breaking the silence, “even by our usual standards.”
“Hmm?” Gackt asked. He was listening and interested, but was far too content and comfortable to say anything more.
“We stated the day with a heavy talk,” You said, running his fingers across Gackt’s lips and smiling gently when Gackt kissed his digits, “we did a live in yukatas, you threw a thong to the audience and then we had amazing sex.”
“And still, you can’t let the thong go,” Gackt smiled. “It’s been a good day though, hasn’t it?”
“The best,” You said softly.
“Good,” Gackt said, closing his eyes. “I promise we’ll have many more days like it.”
As they lay there in silence, their breathing slowing and bodies cooling, You knew that Gackt was right. He couldn’t wait to see what tomorrow would bring.
TBC...
Notes
1) Jeez, that was long. When these boys get talking, they do not want to stop. FYI - the final part is slightly longer.
2) The details about the live - the changes, the cancellation, the multiple layers dress code, the yukata and the thong throwing are all true. It was all too interesting and too crazy to not make an appearance in the story
3) Only one part left *sniff* The swimsuit live...
Previous chapter - KAGERO
Next chapter - 小悪魔ヘヴン
Author - unwritten_ideas
Beta - write_my_dreams
Rating - eventual NC-17, this part NC-17
Word Count - 7,206 (69,000ish total)
Pairing - eventual Gackt x You
Characters - Gackt, You, Chacha, Junji, Chirolyn
Disclaimer - don’t own squat and if I did, I’d be posting this with pictures
Breakfast, The Talk and yukata.
Tokyo, August 28th
His bed, You had decided, was very uncomfortable. It was too small, too hard, didn’t have the right thickness of comforter, faced the wrong direction and was far too close to the window that currently insisted on pouring blinding early morning light on him when he all he wanted was the darkness of sleep. Yes, it was very uncomfortable. Or, at least it was when compared to Gackt’s spacious, soft, dimly lit bed with enough comforters and pillows to make a fort out of.
You’s bed was also lacking in one very important feature when compared to Gackt’s bed. It was lacking, well, Gackt.
But, that seemed to be the theme of the last few days. Ever since the last live, when an attempt at The Talk, a discussion so potentially serious that You had mentally given it capital letters, had instead turned into You achieving his best orgasm in recently memory between Gackt’s smooth thighs, he’d barely seen the man. It wasn’t through lack of trying, but Gackt was just so damn busy.
There were the never ending Nemuri Kyoshiro meetings. The meetings with the designers and seamstresses that worked on Gackt’s kimono range. The long distance phone calls with the Bunraku and Toronto Film Festival staff about Gackt’s appearance at the film premier. Hour after hour of scouting locations in Toronto for the calendars. Hour after hour scouting locations in Barcelona for the Dears trip. The continually on-going editing of Platinum Box XI.
In the four days since that last live and that wonderful night spent in Gackt’s fantastic bed with Gackt curled up against him, You hadn’t seen Gackt for more than thirty minutes at any one time. They’d spoken on the phone whenever Gackt’s schedule had given him a spare five minutes, and You was touched that Gackt had thought of him during those snatched moments, but it wasn’t enough.
Everything was still too new, too precious and too easily breakable for You to be comfortable with this degree of separation. He knew and understood that this is how life would be with Gackt as after eleven years of playing by his side, You knew how little free time Gackt had, but he also knew that if they had any hopes of building a long lasting relationship without destroying the one they already had, they needed time together.
They needed to have The Talk.
You was disturbed from his musings by a harsh knock at his front door. There had been no call through to his apartment from the front door of the apartment complex he lived in so he knew it had to be a neighbour. He got out of bed, threw on his house robe, and scowled at the clock that showed that it was still too damn early to deal with the dramas of his neighbours. He didn’t quite know how it had happened, but he’d become the go to guy of the complex for anyone that had ran out of milk, eggs, rice… He had a sneaking suspicion that his neighbours in need, always female, always young, always single, were merely knocking his door in the hope of one day finding Gackt there, but You had never been the kind to ignore the needs of someone else.
Even if he did think they were abusing his good nature just to get to his friend.
Scratch that, his lover.
That would take some getting used to.
You smiled as that one simple word, lover, brought back images of Gackt underneath him, bare skin against bare skin and how it felt to have Gackt completely unravel by his hands alone. He was so lost in his thoughts that he unlocked the door on auto-pilot, completely ignoring the spy hole in his door, and opened it swiftly, his eyes full of visions of endlessly smooth skin and silky black hair.
“Good morning, You-kun! I brought you breakfast.”
You had to blink several times before he trusted his eyes enough to speak. “Gaku?”
Gackt smiled brightly, his eyes hidden by oversized sunglasses and his hands full of what appeared to be breakfast and coffee. “Can I come in? Your breakfast is getting cold.”
You stepped aside and watched in surprised silence as Gackt swiftly walked through to his kitchen and deposited the food and drink on the counter. “You brought me breakfast?”
“I guess it should be breakfast in bed,” Gackt said thoughtfully, “but I thought it’d be rude of me to just walk in and interrupt without knocking first.”
You walked over to the plain, paper bag that Gackt had left on the counter and began to empty out the contents. “You can walk in and interrupt me whenever you want.”
Gackt smiled wickedly. “I’ll remember that.”
You looked through the little containers that now covered his counter space. Miso soup, rice, sashimi, salad and sliced fruit. “Thank Chef Izumi for me.”
“What?” Gackt said, looking slightly offended, “I made all of this…” One look at You’s face showed that he didn’t believe him. “Okay, Izumi made it all, but I supervised.”
“Thank you, Gaku,” You said before leaving a chaste kiss on Gackt’s cheek. “Why are you here anyway? You’ve been a difficult man to track down these past few days.”
Gackt sighed. “I know. Whenever I thought that I’d finally resolved all of the issues with one project, something else was demanding my time. I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have to apologise,” You said, pausing briefly to grab a pair of chopsticks before tucking into the rice, “I know how busy you are.”
“I’d rather have been with you,” Gackt smiled sadly, “if that’s any consolation.”
You smiled back. “It is. So, your schedule is free this morning?”
“The only thing I have scheduled for today is the live later on so I thought I’d bring breakfast.”
“Well,” You said after swallowing down a mouthful of rice, “they say that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.”
Gackt laughed briefly, but quickly turned serious. “This isn’t a bribe, You-kun, it’s sustenance for the discussion we need to have.”
Oh. The Talk. In all of the excitement of finally seeing Gackt again, alone and with food, You had forgotten about The Talk. It had been, alongside more generalised Gackt thoughts, the one thing that had dominated You’s thoughts over the last few days, but yet again, the mere sight of Gackt and the ability to touch him, to run his fingers through Gackt’s unstyled and slightly frizzy hair, just as he was now, had been enough to distract his thoughts.
Gackt removed his sunglasses to reveal his natural brown eyes and placed them on the counter. “I haven’t forgotten about it.”
“I think we should probably move this to the living room. We can relax better there,” You said before picking up the small containers of food, ready to move them to the table there.
“I think you’re forgetting something,” said Gackt, “something important.”
You paused in his movements. “Oh?”
“You haven’t said good morning to me yet.”
You put the containers back onto the counter. “How rude of me. I should do that immediately.”
Gackt chuckled as You’s arms snaked around his waist and a small kiss was placed upon the tip of his nose. “It’s very rude. I can’t stand rude people.”
It was Gackt who initiated the kiss, his hands slipping into You’s sleep mussed hair as he swiftly closed the distance between their lips. He forced You to take a couple of steps back until the edge of the counter top was digging uncomfortably into You’s lower back, but the guitarist didn’t care, not when Gackt was so skilfully mapping out his mouth with his tongue and gently stroking his jawline with the hand that wasn’t wrapped in his hair.
You knew that he could quite easily stay in that small kitchen all day, feasting on the kisses that Gackt was showering him with. Who cares about a live when your whole world consists of touching Gackt, feeling Gackt and tasting Gackt? But now that Gackt had raised the subject, the thoughts of The Talk were back, and You knew they could avoid it no longer.
Reluctantly he broke the kiss and leaned back, effectively removing his lips from striking distance of Gackt’s kisses. It was enough to make Gackt pause, but not enough for Gackt to back away and let You remove himself from the harsh counter that still dug into him. “The Talk, Gaku. Remember?”
“Yes, yes,” Gackt said dismissively. “I was just reminding myself what we’re talking about. You grab the food, and I’ll get the coffee.”
It didn’t take long for them to make themselves comfortable in You’s minimalistic living room. The low table in front of the couch was soon full of Chef Izumi’s hard work, and You was happy to see that Gackt had helped himself to a soup bowl in the kitchen and was slowly supping some of the miso soup. It had been years since You had last seen Gackt eat anything during the morning, and even if Gackt was eating it through reasons other than hunger, food always was a great distraction in difficult situations after all, at least he was eating. They sat at opposite ends of the couch but Gackt ensured that there was still contact by sitting sideways and depositing his feet into You’s lap.
You couldn’t help but pick at the red socks that Gackt wore. He was nervous, four days of thinking of nothing else but what he was going to say hadn’t helped, but he knew they couldn’t run from the conversation. He took a deep breath, and rushed right in. “Whenever I’m with you it all seems so easy and I think we don’t need to talk at all, but when I’m alone, all of these problems and doubts begin to surface.”
“Doubts?” Gackt questioned. “Do you doubt me?”
“No, not you,” You quickly clarified, “never you. But… We’ve known each other for seemingly forever. My life is an open book to you, Gaku, you probably know more about me than I can remember myself. Can we move from that to being lovers?”
“Someone told me once that the greatest lover you can have is someone you were friends with before,” Gackt said simply, “and we were, are, the best of friends. Doesn’t that mean we could be the best of lovers too?”
You paused. He didn’t know how Gackt would react to his next words, but he knew he had to say them. “You know everything about me, both good and bad. I know so much about you too… but you hide things from me, Gaku. Your nightmares. Your weaknesses. I don’t think this can work the way we both want it to if you’re hiding from me.”
Gackt closed his eyes. He knew, deep down inside, that You was correct. You had always been his comfort and his security without ever knowing what he was comforting and guarding Gackt from and that had been fine, not ideal, but fine when they were friends. He knew that as lovers, however, it could only work if he was as open and honest as You.
“I’m happy to give you everything I am,” You said softly, “but I don’t think it’s going to work if that’s a one way agreement. We could be so good together, Gaku, but you need to let me in.”
They very fact that they were having this conversation was a sign of how good they could be together. Usually, Gackt was able to hide any weaknesses behind his doll masks and carefully constructed walls, and his usual choice in partner had no desire to throw away those masks or break those walls down. They wanted Gackt the Rockstar and all of his beauty, strength and confidence. But You… You wanted him, he wanted that insecure mess that You had met in a dark live house in Kyoto nearly twenty years ago.
How could Gackt deny his wish?
“I can’t…” Gackt stopped. “You’re right. Of course you’re right. I need time though… I can’t just…”
“It’s okay, Gaku,” You smiled. “We don’t have to do this now, just knowing that you will, someday, is enough.”
Gackt opened his eyes. “I’ve never purposely hid things from you, I just don’t like speaking about them or admitting that…” he sighed, “that I’m weak.”
“You’re the strongest person I know, Gaku,” You said, “and I know the little man of steel that is Chacha. Trust me when I say that there’s nothing you can say that will surprise me or make me think any less of you.”
Four nights ago, when You had taken care of him and they’d fallen asleep together, Gackt had resolved to never doubt You’s words again. As Gackt looked at You now, he realised in an instant that You already knew everything. He didn’t know how, although he suspected that his sister may have been involved somehow, but You knew of his fears of abandonment and of the childhood ghosts that haunted him sometimes. You knew, You accepted it and You still loved him.
It was both humbling and overwhelming.
“I believe you,” Gackt said quietly, “and I won’t hide from you anymore.”
“Good,” You said, before pulling gently on Gackt’s big toe in an attempt to lighten Gackt’s mood. He hadn’t intended for The Talk to get quite this deep or upsetting for Gackt. “What have you been thinking about these past few days?”
Gackt recognised the question for what it was - a way out of a conversation that had quickly turned into something deeper and more upsetting that Gackt had expected to become a part of. The fact that You had realised his discomfort and had purposely steered the conversation away from the subject, content to believe that Gackt really would discuss it at a later date, made Gackt’s heart swell.
“All I’ve thought about the past few days is you and work,” Gackt answered. “The thoughts soon became mixed up and I started thinking about how this, us, would affect our careers.”
Our careers, You noted, not my career as it probably should have been. You was more than aware that the career belonged to Gackt and that he was just along for the ride for as long as it lasted, but Gackt’s willingness to share his success with You would never cease to amaze. “I did wonder how it would affect Job,” You stated.
“We’ve always been very good at keeping our private lives away from work,” Gackt began. “I think we proved that in Europe when we kept our arguments firmly off stage.” Gackt paused. The thought of those arguments in Europe was still raw to him. “We need to continue that and keep our relationship away from the stage and the cameras.”
“Hide it?” You asked.
Gackt shook his head slightly. “Not from those we work with closely, but it should never become a work issue. Just like work should never become an issue between us.”
“There’s a difference?” You asked.
“I’m your boss, You-kun,” Gackt said softly. “If I have to give you a kick in rehearsal, or tell you that you’re doing something wrong, I don’t want you to hold that against me when the working day is over. It’s work. It’s business. It’s not us and it’s not this.”
“I won’t hold that against you,” You began, “as long as if I do something wrong, you don’t hold that against me outside of work either.”
“That’s a fair point,” Gackt conceded. “I was also thinking about something else.”
“Oh?” You asked.
“Work is to be kept completely separate, and I want it to continue as normal. So, I’m not going to stop flirting with people,” Gackt said before adding, “at least not where work is concerned.”
“I think you need to clarify that a little.”
Gackt sighed. “I flirt with interviewers, with photographers, with producers and researchers… other guests… I’m not going to stop doing that. I don’t think I can after so many years of flirting with everyone.”
“But that’s all in front of the camera, or at least, it’s related to being in front of the camera,” You said. “I wouldn’t expect you to change that.”
Gackt didn’t even attempt to hide his surprise. “Oh? I didn’t think you’d like that, especially as most of the time you’re there when I’m flirting.”
“I don’t care what you do on camera or on stage, just what you do away from them,” You said seriously.
Gackt’s back stiffened slightly. He could tell from You’s tone of voice that there was something he wasn’t saying. “I think you need to clarify that.”
You took a deep breath. “It’s like we said earlier, Gaku. I’ve known you for years. That means I know your relationship history and how you behave in relationships.”
“I’m not following you,” Gackt said coolly, placing his now cold miso soup onto the table next to the rest of the forgotten breakfast.
“I’ve seen you cheat on nearly every partner you’ve had. I’ve seen you fuck your way through your fanbase, Gaku,” You stated plainly. “That all stops now. I won’t let you play me the same way you’ve played everybody else these last few years.”
Gackt turned his head away from You and stared into the distance, momentarily unable to look You in the eye. You’s words had angered him. He hadn’t expected to hear them and most certainly hadn’t wanted to hear them. Those relationships of the last few years, regardless of whether they had lasted for a few hours or a few months, were no business of You’s and how dare he suggest that Gackt would “play him”!
Gackt bit down, his teeth tightly clenched and jaw set as his blunt but manicured fingernails began to dig into the flesh of the palm of his hands. He couldn’t believe that You would throw his history at him like that, in doing so the other man was practically accusing him of cheating before there was even enough of a relationship to cheat on.
He was angry. He was livid… and it was all aimed at himself. Not You. All You had done was, after all, spoken a few home truths that Gackt always tried to deny or explain away as the actions of a rock star living up to what was expected of him. Although he hated his weaknesses and failings and tried his best to pretend that they never existed, Gackt was also immensely self aware. Deep down, he knew exactly why he had behaved the way had, and it was nothing to do with living up to an image.
“It’s a bit harsh to accuse me of playing you before I’ve even had a chance, isn’t it?” Gackt asked in a controlled and monotonous voice that instantly made You nervous. It was a tone that was far too detached for such a personal and emotional conversation.
“I wasn’t accusing you of anything,” You responded, “but the reason for this talk is so that we can make sure that we understand each other and know the ground rules. Well, that’s my ground rule. If somebody is with me, then they’re with me exclusively and I won’t change that rule, not even for you.”
“I wouldn’t ask you to,” Gackt said calmly.
“Good,” You replied. “I’m sorry if you felt that I was accusing you, but if the roles were reversed and it was me that had fucked around like you have, wouldn’t you have raised the issue too?”
Gackt scowled at You, but had no reply because he knew, just as much as You did, that he would have raised the issue also. He’d have been a fool not to. It still hurt though, to have You utter those words to him and to so effectively lay out the behaviour that had ultimately led to a string of broken relationships and a completely empty and unfulfilling personal life. No wonder he worked so much.
It was a sad state of affairs, but Gackt knew that the last few days since You had confessed his love had filled him with a happiness and glow that he hadn’t felt in years. He didn’t want to lose that, and he didn’t want to lose You. Gackt closed his eyes and thought back to what he’d promised only a few minutes earlier. “I said I wouldn’t hide from you anymore, didn’t I?”
You was puzzled by the apparent change of conversation topic, but he quickly realised that there had probably been no change at all. “Yes, you did.”
“Sometimes it was my own selfishness,” Gackt began as he opened his eyes and began to stare at the wall again, “I needed sex and didn’t want to either wait until the tour was over and I was with my partner again or find release on my own. Sometimes it was an ego boost, my way of reminding myself of exactly how many people find me attractive and want to fuck me. But sometimes….” his voice trailed off.
You placed his hands on Gackt’s shins and rubbed them gently in a gesture he hoped that Gackt would realise was meant to be reassuring. “Sometimes…?” You prompted.
“I just didn’t want to be alone,” Gackt finished quietly.
They sat in silence for a few moments, Gackt’s gaze rigidly fixed on the wall and You’s gaze just as rigidly fixed on Gackt. His hands were still massaging Gackt’s shins, but the singer made no signal that he appreciated the gesture or even that he’d noticed it at all. You didn’t stop, however, he thought it was important to keep the contact and to remind Gackt that he was still there, despite his admission, and had no plans on going anywhere.
Finally, it was You who spoke. “Well, you don’t need to worry about having to find someone else on tour when you need sex because I’m at every live you are. If you need an ego boost I can give you that and there are plenty of ways you can get one from the fans without sleeping with them, Gaku.
“And,” You added, “I promise that you’ll never feel lonely ever again because I’ll always be there, standing beside you.”
Finally, Gackt dragged his eyes away from the wall and looked at You. There was nothing hidden in that small but warm smile that decorated You’s lips, there was no deception and no hint that You was holding anything back. All Gackt could see was faith, hope and trust that despite You’s knowledge of Gackt’s track record, things would all be different this time.
For the second time that morning, Gackt felt unbelievably overwhelmed.
“I feel like you’re giving me so much,” hope, trust, a chance “and I’m giving you nothing,” Gackt said softly.
You stopped rubbing Gackt’s shins and gently parted Gackt’s legs before crawling up the couch and settling against Gackt’s chest, his head with its still messy and still unbrushed bed hair tucked neatly underneath Gackt’s chin. Gackt’s arms instantly wrapped around him, pulling him closer to his body, and feather light kisses were reined upon his head.
“You’re giving me you,” You answered, “all of you - even the bad parts. That’s the most precious thing you have and far outweighs anything I can give.”
“Only you could consider my bad parts to be precious,” Gackt chuckled.
“They contribute to the wonderful whole that is my boyfriend so of course they’re precious,” You said.
“It still feels kinda weird to hear you call me that,” Gackt said softly. “Every time I hear you say that, it just reminds me of how we’re putting nearly twenty years of friendship at risk.”
“I don’t think either of us expect this to be an easy transition,” You responded, “that only happens in fiction I think, but we will make this work. The talk this morning has helped, hasn’t it?”
“It has,” Gackt conceded. “I guess that it was because of our friendship that we were able to talk about these things instead of just stumbling blindly into a relationship and hurting each other in the process.”
You closed his eyes and buried his head further into Gackt’s chest. The smell of Platinum Egoist that surrounded him was both familiar and comforting. “Exactly. And we need to keep talking if we want this to work.”
“It will work,” Gackt said firmly. “This is too important to me to fail.”
You smiled and lifted his head so that he could kiss that little space between Gackt’s collarbones. “I have faith in us.”
Gackt placed a hand under You’s chin and lifted his head further so that he could continue those kisses that You had stopped in the kitchen. You sat up slightly and leaned into the kiss, his fingers lightly tracing patterns across Gackt’s face as the kiss deepened and turned from something sweet, to something more.
This time, it was Gackt who pulled away. “As much as I’d love to stay here for the rest of the day, we do have a live and if we’re late for two shows in a row Chacha will skin us both alive.”
“I’m not scared of Cha,” You said before stealing another kiss.
“No?” Gackt asked. “Well, I am. You can protect me.”
You laughed and reluctantly stood up, his good mood dampened slightly when his fingers tried to work through his hair and failed. He desperately needed a hair cut. “I should shower.”
“I have a few errands to do so I’ll see you at the show?” Gackt asked.
“Of course,” You replied. “But aren’t you forgetting something?”
Gackt stood up, a puzzled look crossing his face. “Am I?”
“You haven’t said goodbye to me yet.”
Gackt smiled. “How rude of me. I should do that immediately.”
The repetition of the words he had spoken earlier made You laugh as Gackt’s hands reached out to frame his face, but his laughter was soon silenced by hot lips pressing against his own. Every time Gackt kissed him it was like being kissed for the very first time. It was new, exciting and always something he’d never felt before.
Gackt was still holding his face as the kiss deepened, and the gentleness in his touch made You feel treasured. It was as if he was a priceless antique that Gackt didn’t want to damage with rough handling. In fact, You thought, Gackt had touched him with nothing but reverence and tenderness since this had all started. There had been passion, of course, the low growls in Gackt’s throat and his inability to stop kissing You were signs of that, but it was always restrained behind this softness that You hadn’t expected to feel from Gackt.
Gackt was strength and he was fire, drive and impulsiveness. You wanted to feel that.
But not now.
“I think that may be the best goodbye I’ve ever had,” You said after Gackt finally broke the kiss.
“Really?” Gackt asked. “You should see how I say goodnight.”
“I’ll add it to the list of things I need to do with you,” You mused. “What are these errands you need to do? I thought your schedule was clear for today.”
Gackt made his way to the entrance hall of You’s apartment and slipped on his shoes. “It is clear… The errand is for the live. I have a surprise for everyone.”
A surprise? You was about to question Gackt further when he suddenly realised that tonight’s live was the show where the fans were expected to wear three layers of clothing. A slight feeling of nervousness erupted in the pit of his stomach when he also realised that due to his mind being clouded by thoughts of Gackt, he had no idea what he would be expected to wear and hadn’t even asked.
“What are we wearing?” You asked.
Gackt chuckled. “I thought you would have asked before now. Junji has been sending me emails every hour, on the hour for the last three days asking that question.”
“And you haven’t told him,” You surmised.
“Of course not,” Gackt said with a wicked grin. “I told you - it’s a surprise. See you at the venue and don’t be late!”
*~*~*~
“You threw your thong to the crowd.”
Gackt had been searching through the assorted bottles that cluttered the make up table in his dressing room, his spirits and energy surprisingly high despite the live only finishing ten minutes before, but the sound of You’s loud and excited voice drew him away from the lotions and potions in front of him. “Hmm?”
“You threw your thong to the audience. You reached into your yukata and threw a thong. A pink thong,” You exclaimed.
“I think it was nearer to red than pink,” Gackt clarified.
“That’s not the point!” You squealed, “you threw one of your thongs… wait…” You paused. “It wasn’t the one you were wearing, was it?”
Gackt laughed. The live had been a stressful one. Various circumstances out of Gackt’s usually iron clad control had meant the live had been cancelled, only to be reinstated later and it had caused Gackt to receive numerous angry emails from fans who felt that they had been mistreated. The announcement that the fans were expected to wear three layers of clothing to a live during one of the hottest summers on record, one that claimed many lives due to the unrelenting heat, had caused another stream of equally angry emails. Ticket sales had been sluggish and Gackt had, at one point, been a few seconds away from cancelling the whole live and trying to forget it had ever happened. But he wasn’t a quitter. As long as some fans were happy and wanted to see him, then the show would go on.
Gackt had learned many years ago that you can’t please all of the people all of the time. Some days, he thought, he’d settle just for pleasing some people some of the time.
As a way of making things right with the fans who were there, and because it also conveniently filled some of the space left by the poor ticket sales, a walkway had been added to the stage set. It meant more fans could get close to the band and also served as a great way to advertise his new yukata line that the band had wore.
The band had all been pleasantly surprised with that choice of clothing, and Gackt himself thought it was rather inspired of him to choose yukata for the band, especially as You looked particularly stunning in the blue yukata that he still wore.
Gackt leaned against the table behind him. “Do you think I’d throw the thong I was wearing?”
You paused. “I didn’t think you’d throw one at all.”
“Well,” Gackt said with a seductive smile. You did look hotter than the blazing sun outside. “You could always check if it was the one I was wearing.”
It took You a few seconds to realise the inference behind Gackt’s words, but once understood, he approached the singer with smooth but determined strides. Gackt always looked good in whatever he wore, no matter how tight, bright or leopard skin it might be, but there was something about him in traditional Japanese dress that was always so much more. The black yukata hung on Gackt’s slender but muscular body perfectly and hinted at what lay beneath in a way no other clothes could.
You’s mouth felt dry. “You want me to check?”
“No,” Gackt shook his head. “You want to check. I’m just letting you.”
You smiled and stepped closer to Gackt, the material of his own yukata feeling so smooth against his legs. He slipped his arms around Gackt’s waist, took hold of the bow at the back of the obi Gackt wore, and with the aid of the mirror behind Gackt and those impromptu obi tying lessons he’d had earlier from the staff when he was bored, You was able to quickly untie and remove Gackt’s obi. You stood back and with eager and sure hands, opened Gackt’s yukata to reveal a firm and sweaty chest, those same muscular thighs he now knew so well…
…and a black thong.
“I tucked the pink one underneath the straps on this one,” Gackt explained. “I wouldn’t throw a worn one.”
You lightly ran the back of his hand over Gackt’s stomach, loving the little gasp of pleasure the gesture brought from Gackt’s lips. “I thought you said the thong was red.”
“Does it matter?” Gackt asked, his voice hitching slightly when You’s hand moved lower and brushed over his thong covered cock.
“I guess not,” You mused before adding in a quiet voice, “I locked the door when I came in.”
Gackt quickly grabbed You’s wrists and using his superior strength and the element of surprise was able to push You against the nearest wall before the guitarist had time to blink. “Have I told you today how much I love you?”
You’s obi was on the floor and his yukata was ripped open in record time. “Yes,” You replied, “but feel free to tell me again.”
Gackt kissed him harshly, the force of the action causing You’s back to hit the wall behind him as Gackt pressed against his front. Warm hands were soon inside his yukata and roaming over his lower back, tracing You’s smooth skin before moving lower and skirting over the clinging material of You’s tight boxer shorts.
There was no clothing between them other than their underwear as their yukatas had both been pushed aside by Gackt’s eager hands. It was skin against skin as Gackt’s lips continued to move against You’s own, and You wrapped his arms around Gackt’s neck, his hands slipping down to rub across Gackt’s shoulder blades and, in the process, causing the yukata to slip from Gackt’s shoulders.
Gackt moved his hands back around to You’s front and in one swift motion, pulled You’s boxers down until they hit the floor.
“I love you,” Gackt muttered between kisses. “Lie down.”
Gackt’s voice, deepened slightly by lust and desire, left no room for argument although You had no fight in him anyway. Those kisses of Gackt’s, the feel of the other man pressed against him and the strength in that body that was smaller than his own yet still more powerful, was more than enough to make You comply with any wish that Gackt had. He trusted Gackt to take care of him and make things good, just as he had done for Gackt four nights previously, so You decided to give into the fire coursing through his veins and simply do as he was asked.
The sight of You, gloriously nude yet still draped in a yukata that he had designed, was almost too much for Gackt to bear. You was lying down on the couch in the dressing room, his legs crossed at the ankles, arms behind his head and his body glistening slightly as the too strong artificial lights that had been hurting Gackt’s eyes caught the sweat that still clung to You’s skin. Gackt had been meaning to turn the lights off. Now, he wanted them even brighter.
You was watching him, his eyes full of darkness and promise as Gackt slowly approached the couch. “Did you think I’d take my thong off for anyone other than you?” Gackt asked.
“I hoped you wouldn’t,” You said. “I’m also hoping that because it’s just you and me, you’ll take if off now.”
Gackt smirked. “How could I ever say no to you?”
You watched silently as Gackt ran his fingertips down the side of his stomach, his yukata falling slightly off his shoulders again due to the movement, until they reached the top of his thong. He hooked his fingers inside the thin straps either side and in one confident and smooth motion, he pulled the thong down and allowed it to slide down his legs before pooling at his feet.
You’s fingers itched to touch. His tongue wanted to lick, his mouth wanted to suck and his skin wanted to feel all of Gackt pressed against him. It was a breath stealing sight to see Gackt draped in one of his expensive yukatas, a traditional Japanese beauty, yet nude at the same time. Gackt had such natural confidence as he stood there, simply waiting for You to have his fill of looking at him, although You thought that he could stare at Gackt all day and it wouldn’t be enough, and it was a confidence that You was slightly envious of.
“You’re beautiful,” You whispered.
Gackt smiled. “Not compared to you.”
Finally, You got his wish. Gackt climbed on top of You, chest to chest, hip to hip and cock to cock and kissed him. You was drowning in the sensations of Gackt’s kisses and the feel of his body stretched out on top of his own. His hands were in Gackt’s hair, avoiding the braids in favour of the damp, loose strands that wrapped so easily around his fingers. Gackt grunted into the kiss when You accidentally tugged on his hair and moaned in bliss when You did it on purpose.
Gackt was all over him. His kisses were all consuming and bruising, his hands seemed to be everywhere at once, and Gackt’s hips had started to move, their rhythm jerky, but enough to cause their hardened cocks to rub so blissfully against each other.
This is what You had expected. This was the strength, fire, drive and impulsiveness that he had wanted to feel.
Gackt was thrusting against him in a fierce and quick manner now, and You parted his legs more, allowing Gackt to settle more comfortably between them. The new position turned those rough movements into a steady, but equally powerful thrust that made You’s skin tingle.
Imagine that rhythm… that strength… buried deep inside… You moaned, breaking the kiss as he did so.
Gackt didn’t seem to care and instead feasted on You’s neck. He wanted nothing more than to sink his teeth into You’s flesh and mark him as his own, but even in his lust induced haze, Gackt had the self control to satisfy himself with light nips and never in the same place twice. There was a televised live tomorrow after all.
The friction of You’s erect cock against his own was delightful. After You had told him that he’d locked the door, Gackt had expected the night to have ended with him inside You. Or You inside him….. either way was good. But this friction, the hardness against his cock and the body beneath him was more than enough for Gackt. There were so many ways to have sex and pleasure your partner, and from the steady stream of groans that spilled from You’s mouth, it was most certainly very pleasing.
A hand clasped around both his cock and Gackt’s, and You arched his back in pleasure, his chest bumping against the firmness of the body above him. Gackt’s strokes were long and controlled, designed to merely add to the pleasure instead of bringing it to an end, and You found that all he could do was wrap his arms around Gackt’s neck and hold on. He kissed any part of Gackt that he could reach, his mouth tasting Gackt’s hair more often than his skin, but he didn’t care. He just needed to touch the man that owned his body with every movement of his hips.
You hadn’t expected the night to end like this, but again, he had no complaints. His hands grabbed onto Gackt’s yukata, the black of Gackt’s yukata mixing with the blue of his own and pooling at their sides. There was something exciting about being pleasured like this, still half dressed in something so old fashioned and pure and especially when it had been designed by the hand of the man above him.
You’s moans of pleasure were sweet music to Gackt’s ears. He wanted to hear more of them, but he knew that things wouldn’t last much longer. He quickened the pace of his hands and his hips, pouring all of the strength in his body into his movements. He wanted You so much. He wanted to feel him unravel and hear his sweet voice break with bliss.
He didn’t have to wait much longer.
You’s back arched and he threw his head back as the combination of Gackt’s skilful hand and the friction from his velvety cock finally drove You over the edge. He groaned Gackt’s name and buried his face in Gackt’s hair as he rode out the waves that crashed through his body. A couple of short, sharp thrusts later and Gackt collapsed on top of him, his head pressed against You’s collar bone, body totally spent and with a sly smile on his face.
It was You that spoke first. “That was… I don’t know… I think you killed me.”
Gackt laughed. “I think I killed me.”
Gackt pulled away from You slightly and nudged You’s body to the side so that he could slip behind him on the couch, his yukata bunching uncomfortably around his legs until he was able to kick it loose. His fingers were covered in a mixture of both his cum and You’s, and Gackt nearly lost it again when You took a firm grip of his wrist, pulled Gackt’s hand to his mouth, and licked those cum covered fingers.
“Jeez, You-kun,” Gackt said, “you really are trying to kill me.”
You smiled. “We taste so good together.”
Gackt cocked a well plucked eyebrow. “Really? I should try.” You watched in rapt silence as Gackt lowered his head to You’s stomach and licked away the few drops that his fingers hadn’t caught. “You’re right, we taste delicious.”
Once finished, Gackt lay back down beside You and placed his head on You’s shoulder, his eyes slipping shut in contentment when You kissed his brow. This was bliss. His body was still slightly buzzing from the combination of a good live and good sex, and now here he was, lying in the arms of the person he loved the most.
“It’s been a strange day,” You said, breaking the silence, “even by our usual standards.”
“Hmm?” Gackt asked. He was listening and interested, but was far too content and comfortable to say anything more.
“We stated the day with a heavy talk,” You said, running his fingers across Gackt’s lips and smiling gently when Gackt kissed his digits, “we did a live in yukatas, you threw a thong to the audience and then we had amazing sex.”
“And still, you can’t let the thong go,” Gackt smiled. “It’s been a good day though, hasn’t it?”
“The best,” You said softly.
“Good,” Gackt said, closing his eyes. “I promise we’ll have many more days like it.”
As they lay there in silence, their breathing slowing and bodies cooling, You knew that Gackt was right. He couldn’t wait to see what tomorrow would bring.
TBC...
Notes
1) Jeez, that was long. When these boys get talking, they do not want to stop. FYI - the final part is slightly longer.
2) The details about the live - the changes, the cancellation, the multiple layers dress code, the yukata and the thong throwing are all true. It was all too interesting and too crazy to not make an appearance in the story
3) Only one part left *sniff* The swimsuit live...
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