Beginnings - FLOWER (12/15)
Title - Beginnings - FLOWER (12/15)
Author - unwritten_ideas
Beta - write_my_dreams
Rating - eventual NC-17, this part PG-13
Word Count - 5,414 (69,000ish total)
Pairing - eventual Gackt x You
Characters - Gackt, You, Chacha, Junji, Chirolyn
Disclaimer - don’t own squat and if I did, I’d be posting this with pictures
Summary - Gackt and You are more than friends, closer than brothers and have a relationship that is hard to define. During the YFC tour, that relationship changes forever. Will it make them or break them?
You makes his decision… maybe.
Tokyo, August 23rd
The first of the Tokyo shows was over. The cheering of the crowd was still ringing in Gackt’s ears as crew members hovered around him as he walked off stage. A sound tech gently pulled the tape off his back that held the wires connected to his ear pieces in place, and Gackt handed his microphone to another crew member. He knew that as well as their regular jobs, they all had a second job of watching his every move just in case he stumbled and fell. Usually the crowd of people that always circled around him, waiting to catch his tired body annoyed him, but tonight his mind was too pre-occupied to care.
Let them hover. Let them circle like vultures in the desert, he had more important things to worry about than the weaknesses of his body.
But, Gackt supposed, that was a little harsh on a group of people who did nothing but give him their all. Gackt knew that he was privileged to work with such a dedicated and committed group of people and that he was lucky enough to be able to call some of them friends.
No matter what the situation was, his crew were always professional to the last. It was something he insisted on and something everyone complied to. He’d never been gladder of this professionalism than during the European tour where he knew that not even the most hardcore and avid fan would have been able to recognise the tension and problems that had existed between him and You.
He was thankful for that as he knew that idle gossip about the state of his relationship with You would have killed him.
You was still on stage as tonight it was his turn to entertain the crowd after Uncontrol had finished, and Gackt stealthily watched him from the side of the stage as You led the crowd in a loud “YFC” chant. They’d barely talked all day and had no contact since Sapporo, but it wasn’t due to arguments or anger this time, just the need to give each other space. They’d still greeted each other earlier that morning with the same friendly hug that they had always exchanged and nobody, Gackt thought, had any idea of the issues that stood between him and You.
Nobody apart from maybe Chacha, that is. The lead guitarist had been watching him closely all day, scrutinising his every move and word as he looked for some indication of what was happening between Gackt and You. Gackt wasn’t particularly happy that Chacha seemed to know all of the details of whatever was going on between him and You, but Chacha had always been trustworthy and free with good advice.
Ah, the advantages of being old and experienced.
You walked off stage, the fatigue in his tired limbs obvious to Gackt who not only knew You better than anyone, but also knew the true extent of exactly how drained a live could make you. Gackt quickly moved away and tried to navigate through the crowd of crew members as he didn’t want You to realise he had been watching him, but he couldn’t fight his way through quick enough. The crew were eager to pack up and head home and had no time to allow their singer, their boss, to get to where he wanted to go.
There was a hot and clammy hand closing around his bicep and it froze Gackt to the spot. Soon that hand had Gackt’s arm in a harsh grip and was expertly manoeuvring him though the crowd and to a little corner that was practically obscured from view by a mountain made from the travelling cases that usually housed Junji’s drum kit.
“What are you doing, You?” hissed Gackt at the man who still held his arm so tightly Gackt feared it would bruise.
You loosened his grip slightly, but didn’t let go as he was too worried that the singer would disappear. “We need to talk. Remember?”
Remember? How could Gackt have forgotten? That night in Sapporo where You had kissed him had been on a permanent loop in his mind since it had happened. He’d spent every waking moment wondering what You was thinking and steeling himself for the rejection that he knew was coming.
He was stronger now, Gackt knew. Gackt had spent the entire flight back from Sapporo concentrating on all of the positives of his friendship with You, and how losing it, however temporarily, had nearly destroyed him in Europe. When You rejected him this time, he’d cope.
He had to.
“I remember,” Gackt stated simply.
“So,” You said, “let’s talk.”
“Here?!”
Gackt quickly looked around. Sure, they were hidden from view of most of the crew, but Gackt knew that sound travels, especially in an empty concert venue designed for the best possible acoustics. Gackt also knew that as soon as the crowd had finished leaving, the crew would begin the task of packing away Junji’s drum kit. They may be at the same venue the next night also, but equipment such as a drum kit was far too important to leave open and unprotected on stage overnight. Their hiding place would soon be discovered.
“We can’t talk here,” Gackt said.
“Your dressing room then,” You suggested.
Gackt’s dressing room would give them the privacy they required, but Gackt wasn’t comfortable with that suggestion either. He didn’t like the idea of having to walk out of his dressing room after their conversation had finished to a group of waiting staff members who would all expect him to be his usual, authoritative and pleasant self. No, if Gackt was going to get his heart broken again and quickly work through the pain that came with that, then he needed to do it without an audience.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea either.”
“Where then?” You asked exasperated. It almost sounded as if Gackt didn’t want to have the conversation at all.
Gackt thought for a few moments. “My house. Give me enough time to get home myself and then come over. We won’t be disturbed there.”
You paused. The suggestion didn’t entirely please him, he’d rather discuss things on neutral territory, but he thought that making Gackt comfortable was probably more important than making himself comfortable. It also meant that Gackt couldn’t run out on the conversation.
“Okay. I’ll see you later then,” You said, finally releasing Gackt’s arm before walking away.
Gackt took a few moments to collect himself, his hand subconsciously holding the bicep that You had gripped. His skin still felt warm, but that slightly painful pressure that You had exerted on his weary muscles could no longer be felt. Gackt tightened his grip.
The backstage area was beginning to clear as the staff members began to do their jobs, be they on stage, off stage or in the dressing rooms, and Gackt realised that he’d soon be discovered. That is, if the crew hadn’t already started a search party because he hadn’t returned to his dressing room and they couldn’t find him.
Gackt walked out from behind the orange drum boxes and walked right into the search party.
“There you are.”
It was Chacha, of course, already dressed and showered if his wet hair was any indication. “I wondered if you’d snuck out with the crowd for a ride on the Ferris Wheel next door.”
“I just needed a few moments to myself.”
“Ah,” Chacha said knowingly. “By yourself. So why did You leave that little hiding place only a few moments before you did, looking flustered and thoughtful?”
There was a glint in Chacha’s eyes that showed exactly what Chacha thought had happened. Gackt stared at his aching feet. He didn’t want to explain to Chacha what was really happening, not when the man was practically bouncing in his pink Crocs, but he couldn’t leave Chacha believing in something that would never happen.
“It’s not what you think, Cha…”
“Of course it isn’t,” Chacha beamed. “I’m glad the two of you finally pulled your heads out of your asses and saw what you mean to each other.”
“We didn’t…”
There was no stopping Chacha when he was on a roll. “Of course, this should have happened years ago. Now that I think about it, you’ve obviously both been obsessed with each other forever, that’s why You has always stayed single and you’ve fucked anything that moves without ever getting serious….”
“Chacha!” Gackt shouted as loudly as his voice could manage after a concert, “it really isn’t what you think. We were just talking. You still doesn’t want me.”
Chacha placed his hands on his slim hips and stared at Gackt. Something had happened behind those drum boxes. The resigned look in Gackt’s eyes and the tension in You’s naked back as he’d walked away earlier were sure signs of that. Now that Chacha’s mind was clear of all of those romantic notions that he’d almost been carried away by, he remembered that he hadn’t actually seen Gackt and You exchange a single word all day. You had mentioned to him yesterday that he hadn’t spoken to Gackt since Sapporo too.
“Have you been arguing again?” Chacha asked.
“No… It’s complicated.”
“And I’m intelligent, Gakkun. I’m sure I’ll understand so why don’t you try, hmm?”
Gackt recognised that tone of voice. It was Chacha’s no room for argument voice. “Do I have a choice?”
“Nope.”
Gackt took a deep breath. “In Sapporo, You kissed me.” Gackt saw the sparkle return to Chacha’s eyes and quickly moved to quell it. “But, he didn’t know why. He couldn’t explain to me what he wanted or what he felt for me so I told him to take a few days to think about it and tell me today.”
“Oh,” Chacha said softly, “he just told you. You still just wants to be your friend.”
Chacha moved forward, his right arm snaking around Gackt’s waist to rub reassuring circles in the small of Gackt’s back. Gackt’s skin was smooth and warm to his touch, despite the tension and rigidity of his muscles, and Gackt leaned into that comforting hand although he refused to relax.
How could You be so stupid? Chacha had been certain that You was starting to recognise and welcome those feelings for Gackt that Chacha knew that he had. He’d hoped that his cryptic comments to his fellow guitarist in Sendai would have been enough to start the ball rolling and make You realise exactly what Gackt meant to him and how good they could be together.
The notion that maybe he was wrong, that maybe You genuinely didn’t have any feelings for Gackt other than as a friend flashed through Chacha’s mind, but he quickly dismissed it. He wasn’t wrong. He couldn’t be. You had always worn his heart on his sleeve and the truth in his eyes. Chacha had lost count of the number of times he’d seen You’s gaze fall on Gackt during band meetings, mealtimes and movie nights for no reason other than that You wanted to look at the other man. No, Chacha was sure. It was love that he saw in You’s eyes whenever You looked at Gackt.
Definitely.
“He hasn’t said anything to me yet. I said that I didn’t want to discuss it here so he’s coming to my house after we finish getting ready,” Gackt explained. “I know what his answer will be though, and I’m ready for it. I’m not going to lose his friendship like last time.”
Chacha breathed a sigh of relief. “Maybe he’ll say what you want to hear.” You’re as blind as You is.
“I think if he was going to say that, he’d have done so as soon as he saw me. No, this is the rejection, ‘I just want to be your friend’ speech again,” Gackt replied.
“Well, whatever happens you know my phone number, Gakkun,” Chacha said softly, still tracing circles on Gackt’s lower back. “If you need to talk or want me to come over then just call and ask and I’ll be there.”
It was a tempting offer, but one that both Chacha and Gackt knew Gackt would never take up. “Thanks, Cha. You’ve been a great support to me these past few weeks, and I think you have been for You too. Thanks for looking after him.”
Chacha smiled. “Somebody has to try and help you two because damn, you don’t help yourselves do you”?
“I’ve never been one for an easy life,” Gackt said wistfully. “I should shower and change. I think it’s going to be a long night.”
Gackt leaned into Chacha and gave him a friendly kiss on the temple before walking away. But before Gackt was completely out of sight, Chacha shouted out to him, “remember my offer!”
Gackt raised his hand in acknowledgment and made his way to his dressing room.
*~*~*~
Gackt was seated on one of the luxurious and comfortable couches that decorated his living room. It was soft against his bare calves, supported his aching muscles and had, over the two years it had been a feature in his home, been Gackt’s bed for the night for more times than Gackt wanted to admit to. Usually, it was soothing and relaxing, and Gackt would normally sink into the expensive upholstery as he watched a movie until all of his stresses seemed to belong to another life but this night, while he was waiting for You to arrive, he was just as tense as ever.
He leaned forward and switched off the DVD that was playing, knowing that he wasn’t watching it anyway and that Jack Bauer would just have to save the world on another day when he wasn’t so preoccupied. He’d been at home for thirty minutes and knew that his house, hidden deep within the most exclusive part of Roppongi, was only a twenty-five minute drive from You’s apartment.
He’d asked You to give him enough time to get home before starting out. You should be here any moment.
Gackt stood up from the sofa and started pacing around the room. It was a bad habit of his, to resort to pacing when he was nervous, but it was also one that he couldn’t shake. His body always thrummed with an excess of energy when he was nervous and although it helped him before a live and carried him through that first song that even now, after hundreds if not thousands of successful lives, was still as difficult as those very first ones, it didn’t help off stage. Eneru, the little white fluffball of a dog that had been curled up at Gackt’s feet as he sat was grumpily trotting after Gackt, annoyed that his hot water bottle and pillow, Gackt’s feet, had been taken from him.
Gackt paused in his pacing to pick up the little dog and despite his tension and stress, he couldn’t help but smile when Eneru licked his neck. You loved that dog just as much as Gackt did, and Gackt could still remember a time a couple of years ago, when he was away filming Fuurin Kazan and You volunteered to look after Eneru, only to refuse to give him back when filming had finished. It had taken a day off and Gackt treating You to the best, largest and most expensive parfaits in Tokyo for You to finally relent and give the dog back.
Gackt put Eneru down in the kitchen, ensured the dog had everything he needed, and then shut the door. He didn’t want You to get distracted.
He hoped You would give his answer quickly. Gackt didn’t want a prolonged discussion full of apologies and explanations. He wanted You to come in, break his heart and go. No chatting, no discussion… Just straight to the point honesty. You would always pull off his band aids a bit at a time, spreading the pain out over a longer period of time, but Gackt had always been the type of kid who would grit his teeth and yank them from his skin in one smooth but violent motion. He hoped the conversation would be just as fast.
Gackt looked at his watch again. He’d been home forty-five minutes now. What was keeping You? He should have been here by now. Maybe he wasn’t coming. Maybe You didn’t feel comfortable speaking in Gackt’s home and would talk to him tomorrow, on more neutral ground. Gackt’s heart sank. He could still remember when the converted apartment building that had been made into Gackt’s home had been as much You’s home as his. If he looked around the living area that he stood in, he could still see so many things that You had suggested or had bought. Gackt knew that every room in the house was the same, even his master bedroom had a hint of You in it’s décor.
You was everywhere, and even now that You had his own apartment and actually lived there instead of just paying the bills and living at Gackt’s, he still treated Gackt’s home as his. You would always tease that he must be the only person in the world whose second home was bigger and more expensive than his first home and that Gackt was merely renting it from him. Gackt would simply smile and agree.
He didn’t want that to change. He wanted You to still feel as if his home was You’s home. He didn’t want to lose those days where he’d emerge from his dojo after several hours of training only to find You sprawled on his sofa, DVD remote in one hand and bag of chips in the other as the guitarist still had a key and liked Gackt’s far too big TV screen more than his own.
Fifty minutes. Where the hell was he?
The buzzing of Gackt’s doorbell suggested that You had finally arrived. He quickly glanced at the video intercom to confirm it was You and opened the door wordlessly before walking back to the living area, safe in the knowledge that You would follow him without prompt.
Gackt sat back down on the same couch as before and was a little disappointed to see that You sat on the couch opposite and not next to him, the glass coffee table and expensive chess set in-between them. Gackt’s poetic soul that saw connections, metaphors and coincidence everywhere he looked thought that it was probably fitting that a chess set sat before them as he felt like he was in the middle of the most difficult and stressful chess game he’d ever played. He knew that a few words from You, and he’d be in checkmate.
“Um… how are you?” You asked hesitantly. “Did the live tire you…”
“I’m fine,” Gackt said quickly.
“Good, good…” You replied.
Gackt closed his eyes. So much for ripping the band aid off quickly, You was so nervous that he could barely string a sentence together. “You, you don’t need to sugar coat what you want to say. If you’re struggling to explain things then I always find the best thing to do is to not explain at all, just say what you think and work from there.”
If only it was that easy, You thought. At the venue, earlier, he’d known exactly what he was going to say. He’d psyched himself up for the discussion, was still high on the testosterone and adrenaline that only a live could provide and was ready to explain everything to Gackt. But, Gackt had ensured that he didn’t have the chance, and the moment was lost. Ever since then, from the ride from the venue to his apartment, the thirty minutes spent sprawled face down on his bed and punching his pillows, to the drive over to Gackt’s, he’d been formulating the perfect thing to say and had then realised that the well rehearsed speech that he was going to give at the venue was completely wrong.
The more he’d thought and the more sentences and approaches that had ran through his mind during that drive to Gackt’s, the more nervous he’d become until he’d become so nervous that he’d barely been able to press Gackt’s front door buzzer without his fingers missing the button due to the nervous shake that had struck them.
Now that he sat before Gackt, the other man surveying him with those unusually hardened brown eyes and a firm set of his jaw that quite plainly stated ‘tell me immediately or get out’, You’s nerves had increased ten fold. He knew that Gackt deserved an answer. He knew that Gackt deserved a quick answer. He just couldn’t find the words.
Of course Gackt knew You well enough to recognise how much anxiety was coursing through You’s veins, and on any other occasion he’d do everything in his power to relieve some of that anxiety but now… he just wanted his answer. “You kissed me, You. Why did you do that?”
You sighed. Gackt was determined to drag the answer out of him, somehow. He couldn’t decide if being interrogated by Gackt was a bad thing or a good thing. At least this way, he didn’t have to worry about what to say and when to say it, he just needed to be honest. “I did it because at the time, I wanted to.”
“Why did you want to?”
“I don’t know,” You shrugged, “I know that’s not the answer you want, but it’s the truth. I wasn’t really thinking anything when I kissed you other than that I wanted to do it.”
“You’re right,” Gackt said, the harshness leaving his voice, “that’s not what I wanted to hear.”
You took a deep breath. “I don’t know where to start.”
“Just start at the beginning and speak from the heart, You,” Gackt said, “you don’t need fancy, rehearsed words.”
You knew that Gackt was right. He needed to stop over thinking things and just talk. The words were already there, inside of him, they were just being caged by his nerves and fear of saying the wrong thing again. He took a deep breath and tried again.
“Do you remember when we first met, Gaku? How much we disliked each other instantly for no reason? I knew back then that it was wrong to hate you and that I was missing out on something with you. Ren always told me that underneath the ego, anger and selfishness that you were a good guy, and I really wanted to see that, but you did everything you could to hide it from me.”
“I was a kid,” Gackt said, “I didn’t know what was good for me.”
“And you know now?” You asked. Gackt didn’t reply, but the question had been rhetorical anyway. “When I did finally see that good guy that you’d hidden, I was amazed at how easy everything was. We clicked so easily. I’ve never grown that close to someone so quickly.”
Gackt stared at the floor. It was exactly as he feared, You was giving him the big rejection speech, but trying to let him down gently by reminding him of their friendship. Gackt already knew all of this, didn’t need to be told again and just wanted You to get to the point. As much as he wanted to beg You to reach the end of his speech as quickly as possible, he also wanted to hear the words to remind himself that You did care for him, even loved him, just not in the way Gackt desired.
“You know, in those early days in Kyoto when we were still finding ourselves and were both just punks with a crazy dream, I had the biggest crush on you.”
“You did?” Gackt asked, not even attempting to hide the shock and surprise in his voice.
“I did,” You confirmed. You didn’t know why he was raking over this ancient history. But now that he’d started talking, he found that his mind had no control over what was being said. “You were dangerous, crazy and everything my parents had warned me against, but underneath all of that bravado, was a kid with a good heart who would die for his friends. You really haven’t changed that much have you?”
I’ve changed enough for your crush to end. Gackt remained silent. You seemed determined to speak of whatever was on his mind, and Gackt was too interested and too in awe of the passion and fire in You’s voice and eyes to stop him.
“But, you went to Tokyo, joined Malice Mizer and the real you became harder to find. We both moved on and any crush I had just disappeared. I was surprised when you called me to join your solo band, but I couldn’t say no. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I seem to have a problem with saying no to you most of the time.”
“I had noticed,” Gackt said with a sad smile. “I have trouble saying no to you most of the time too.”
“True,” You said with a nervous laugh. “Those early days were wild weren’t they? We were a successful band from the start thanks to the Mizer fans, but were working on the kind of budget a record label gives to an unknown Visual Kei band that probably won’t stay together for more than six months. We were sharing hotel rooms, flying economy class and I was still buying all of my food at the convenience store because my tiny apartment only had a microwave.”
“We made it work though,” Gackt stated.
“We did. We became one of the biggest things in Japan,” You said before reconsidering. “No, you become one of the biggest things in Japan. A household name, Gaku. Even those that don’t know your songs know your name and face. Me, I was just along for the ride.”
Gackt sighed. “You’ve always been more than that, You.”
“Hmm, I guess I have been. To you at least,” You said, noting the slight flinch and sad look that spread across Gackt’s face as he spoke. “It hasn’t been easy, staying by your side throughout all of this. Most people would have left years ago.”
“Most people have left,” Gackt pointed out. “There’s only you and Chacha left from those who did the first tour.”
“You asked me, once, why I was still here. I’ve been trying to figure out why. Why did I stay friends with you after you took off to Tokyo without even telling me that you were quitting Cains:Feel? Why did I choose joining your solo band over continuing with a business that had been in my family for 300 years? Why did I stick with you during that first year when I was so poor I lived on nothing but instant ramen and the few care packages my sister sent me? Why have I travelled the world with you, watching you destroy yourself with every collapse, listening to your tantrums when things don’t go your way and covering for you whenever you miss a meeting with the record company because you’re entertaining some starry eyed fan?”
Hearing everything laid out like that, in one passionate and forceful speech, made Gackt question it himself. He’d put You through so much over the years. He’d taken over the guitarist’s life with his dreams of fame and fortune, and You had never complained. He’d been that one constant throughout it all, the one thing that had kept Gackt grounded whenever it seemed like the singer would finally become so lost in his own persona and hype that there’d be no way back.
Gackt thought that he owed his career, his sanity and his very life to You. How could he ever have expected You to give him even more?
Gackt was so lost in his thoughts that he hadn’t noticed You getting up from his seat, walking around the chess board and coming to sit next to him. You was smiling at him, and it made Gackt’s heart ache.
“I kept asking myself, why, why, why?” You continued. “And I didn’t realise the answer until I was driving over here tonight. I stay with you and put up with all of your bullshit because I love you, Gaku. I always have. That crush never disappeared, it just turned into love and it’s been with me so long that I never recognised it for what it was.”
Any doubt or confusion that was lingering in Gackt’s mind after hearing You’s words was erased by the gentle caress of You’s lips against his own. You’s lips were warm and teasing, coaxing Gackt’s still slightly stunned lips to open and drowned his senses with sensation. He could feel You’s lips against his, those talented guitarist fingers tracing patterns in his hair and softly touching his face, he could taste the coffee You had drank earlier and that taste that was uniquely You, he could smell You, a mix of light shower gel and tempting spices, he could hear You’s soft groans as the kiss deepened and when they broke apart, both gasping for air, he could see nothing but love reflected in You’s eyes.
“I’m sorry, Gaku,” You said softly. “I’m sorry that I didn’t realise this sooner and caused all of those arguments in Europe.”
You was still playing with his hair, gently running his fingers through the bangs that sometimes covered his face. Gackt smiled at the touch. “I don’t care about that, You-kun. You’re here now and that’s all that matters.”
Gackt showed that he really didn’t care by stealing You’s breath from his lungs. You was sitting down, but he could still feel his legs go weak. Kisses had never felt this intense before. It was as if Gackt was both trying to devour him and worship him at the same time, and You was not at all surprised to find himself lying flat on his back on that too large leather couch as Gackt lay on top of him.
“You’re not going to change your mind, are you?” Gackt asked hesitantly.
You looked up at the man above him, the smooth, pale skin of his face slightly flushed with the heat of their kisses. “We’ve called ourselves friends, brothers and soul mates but none of those labels have really fit have they? We’ve always been something different, but I never realised we were something so much more. Now that I do know, how can I possibly walk away?”
All of Gackt’s eloquence and his way with words that helped him to construct such beautiful lyrics deserted him until only three words were left. “I love you.”
“I love you too,” You replied. The rest of his words were stolen by the sight of Gackt trying to stifle a yawn. “You’re tired, and we have a live tomorrow too. You should get some sleep, Gaku.”
“I’m okay,” Gackt insisted, his words betrayed by another yawn.
You chuckled. “It’s okay, Gaku, I’ll still love you in the morning.”
“Promise?” Gackt asked, not even caring that it made him sound needy.
“Promise,” You confirmed. “I should probably go home and get some sleep too…”
Gackt groaned disappointedly and moved from his position on top of You to lie beside him, trapped on his side between You and the back of the couch. He pulled You against his body, surprised at how easily You fit alongside him despite You’s superior height, You’s head tucked under his and resting on his chest. It was such a natural fit.
“You don’t need to go home, You,” Gackt said. “Stay here.”
“On the couch?” You questioned.
“Too tired to move,” Gackt explained.
“Okay,” You agreed. “But if my back hurts in the morning, you owe me a back rub.”
Gackt chuckled. “I’ll give you a back rub every morning if it means you’ll stay with me every night.”
“How can I refuse an offer like that?” You answered. “Now, go to sleep.”
Gackt’s tiredness, made worse by the stresses of the day and waiting for You, soon overtook him. You savoured the feel of Gackt’s strong arms around him, but soon fell asleep too. Gackt had owned that leather couch for two years and had fallen asleep on it more times than he could count. But, this was the first time he hadn’t slept on it alone.
TBC...
Notes
1) Now that really is progress!
2) I’m pretty sure Gackt didn’t just take off to Tokyo without quitting Cains:Feel or telling You, but this is fiction and it sounded more dramatic than what probably did happen.
3) Roppongi is an area of Tokyo. I remember hearing years ago that Gackt’s house is apparently in Roppongi somewhere, but I have no idea if that is true and honestly don’t care. I just remembered the rumour when writing this and decided to go with it. I just love the sound of the word "Roppongi" XD
4) Only three chapters left now. I wonder when the NC-17 rating will appear…
Previous chapter - JESUS
Next chapter - KAGERO
Author - unwritten_ideas
Beta - write_my_dreams
Rating - eventual NC-17, this part PG-13
Word Count - 5,414 (69,000ish total)
Pairing - eventual Gackt x You
Characters - Gackt, You, Chacha, Junji, Chirolyn
Disclaimer - don’t own squat and if I did, I’d be posting this with pictures
Summary - Gackt and You are more than friends, closer than brothers and have a relationship that is hard to define. During the YFC tour, that relationship changes forever. Will it make them or break them?
You makes his decision… maybe.
Tokyo, August 23rd
The first of the Tokyo shows was over. The cheering of the crowd was still ringing in Gackt’s ears as crew members hovered around him as he walked off stage. A sound tech gently pulled the tape off his back that held the wires connected to his ear pieces in place, and Gackt handed his microphone to another crew member. He knew that as well as their regular jobs, they all had a second job of watching his every move just in case he stumbled and fell. Usually the crowd of people that always circled around him, waiting to catch his tired body annoyed him, but tonight his mind was too pre-occupied to care.
Let them hover. Let them circle like vultures in the desert, he had more important things to worry about than the weaknesses of his body.
But, Gackt supposed, that was a little harsh on a group of people who did nothing but give him their all. Gackt knew that he was privileged to work with such a dedicated and committed group of people and that he was lucky enough to be able to call some of them friends.
No matter what the situation was, his crew were always professional to the last. It was something he insisted on and something everyone complied to. He’d never been gladder of this professionalism than during the European tour where he knew that not even the most hardcore and avid fan would have been able to recognise the tension and problems that had existed between him and You.
He was thankful for that as he knew that idle gossip about the state of his relationship with You would have killed him.
You was still on stage as tonight it was his turn to entertain the crowd after Uncontrol had finished, and Gackt stealthily watched him from the side of the stage as You led the crowd in a loud “YFC” chant. They’d barely talked all day and had no contact since Sapporo, but it wasn’t due to arguments or anger this time, just the need to give each other space. They’d still greeted each other earlier that morning with the same friendly hug that they had always exchanged and nobody, Gackt thought, had any idea of the issues that stood between him and You.
Nobody apart from maybe Chacha, that is. The lead guitarist had been watching him closely all day, scrutinising his every move and word as he looked for some indication of what was happening between Gackt and You. Gackt wasn’t particularly happy that Chacha seemed to know all of the details of whatever was going on between him and You, but Chacha had always been trustworthy and free with good advice.
Ah, the advantages of being old and experienced.
You walked off stage, the fatigue in his tired limbs obvious to Gackt who not only knew You better than anyone, but also knew the true extent of exactly how drained a live could make you. Gackt quickly moved away and tried to navigate through the crowd of crew members as he didn’t want You to realise he had been watching him, but he couldn’t fight his way through quick enough. The crew were eager to pack up and head home and had no time to allow their singer, their boss, to get to where he wanted to go.
There was a hot and clammy hand closing around his bicep and it froze Gackt to the spot. Soon that hand had Gackt’s arm in a harsh grip and was expertly manoeuvring him though the crowd and to a little corner that was practically obscured from view by a mountain made from the travelling cases that usually housed Junji’s drum kit.
“What are you doing, You?” hissed Gackt at the man who still held his arm so tightly Gackt feared it would bruise.
You loosened his grip slightly, but didn’t let go as he was too worried that the singer would disappear. “We need to talk. Remember?”
Remember? How could Gackt have forgotten? That night in Sapporo where You had kissed him had been on a permanent loop in his mind since it had happened. He’d spent every waking moment wondering what You was thinking and steeling himself for the rejection that he knew was coming.
He was stronger now, Gackt knew. Gackt had spent the entire flight back from Sapporo concentrating on all of the positives of his friendship with You, and how losing it, however temporarily, had nearly destroyed him in Europe. When You rejected him this time, he’d cope.
He had to.
“I remember,” Gackt stated simply.
“So,” You said, “let’s talk.”
“Here?!”
Gackt quickly looked around. Sure, they were hidden from view of most of the crew, but Gackt knew that sound travels, especially in an empty concert venue designed for the best possible acoustics. Gackt also knew that as soon as the crowd had finished leaving, the crew would begin the task of packing away Junji’s drum kit. They may be at the same venue the next night also, but equipment such as a drum kit was far too important to leave open and unprotected on stage overnight. Their hiding place would soon be discovered.
“We can’t talk here,” Gackt said.
“Your dressing room then,” You suggested.
Gackt’s dressing room would give them the privacy they required, but Gackt wasn’t comfortable with that suggestion either. He didn’t like the idea of having to walk out of his dressing room after their conversation had finished to a group of waiting staff members who would all expect him to be his usual, authoritative and pleasant self. No, if Gackt was going to get his heart broken again and quickly work through the pain that came with that, then he needed to do it without an audience.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea either.”
“Where then?” You asked exasperated. It almost sounded as if Gackt didn’t want to have the conversation at all.
Gackt thought for a few moments. “My house. Give me enough time to get home myself and then come over. We won’t be disturbed there.”
You paused. The suggestion didn’t entirely please him, he’d rather discuss things on neutral territory, but he thought that making Gackt comfortable was probably more important than making himself comfortable. It also meant that Gackt couldn’t run out on the conversation.
“Okay. I’ll see you later then,” You said, finally releasing Gackt’s arm before walking away.
Gackt took a few moments to collect himself, his hand subconsciously holding the bicep that You had gripped. His skin still felt warm, but that slightly painful pressure that You had exerted on his weary muscles could no longer be felt. Gackt tightened his grip.
The backstage area was beginning to clear as the staff members began to do their jobs, be they on stage, off stage or in the dressing rooms, and Gackt realised that he’d soon be discovered. That is, if the crew hadn’t already started a search party because he hadn’t returned to his dressing room and they couldn’t find him.
Gackt walked out from behind the orange drum boxes and walked right into the search party.
“There you are.”
It was Chacha, of course, already dressed and showered if his wet hair was any indication. “I wondered if you’d snuck out with the crowd for a ride on the Ferris Wheel next door.”
“I just needed a few moments to myself.”
“Ah,” Chacha said knowingly. “By yourself. So why did You leave that little hiding place only a few moments before you did, looking flustered and thoughtful?”
There was a glint in Chacha’s eyes that showed exactly what Chacha thought had happened. Gackt stared at his aching feet. He didn’t want to explain to Chacha what was really happening, not when the man was practically bouncing in his pink Crocs, but he couldn’t leave Chacha believing in something that would never happen.
“It’s not what you think, Cha…”
“Of course it isn’t,” Chacha beamed. “I’m glad the two of you finally pulled your heads out of your asses and saw what you mean to each other.”
“We didn’t…”
There was no stopping Chacha when he was on a roll. “Of course, this should have happened years ago. Now that I think about it, you’ve obviously both been obsessed with each other forever, that’s why You has always stayed single and you’ve fucked anything that moves without ever getting serious….”
“Chacha!” Gackt shouted as loudly as his voice could manage after a concert, “it really isn’t what you think. We were just talking. You still doesn’t want me.”
Chacha placed his hands on his slim hips and stared at Gackt. Something had happened behind those drum boxes. The resigned look in Gackt’s eyes and the tension in You’s naked back as he’d walked away earlier were sure signs of that. Now that Chacha’s mind was clear of all of those romantic notions that he’d almost been carried away by, he remembered that he hadn’t actually seen Gackt and You exchange a single word all day. You had mentioned to him yesterday that he hadn’t spoken to Gackt since Sapporo too.
“Have you been arguing again?” Chacha asked.
“No… It’s complicated.”
“And I’m intelligent, Gakkun. I’m sure I’ll understand so why don’t you try, hmm?”
Gackt recognised that tone of voice. It was Chacha’s no room for argument voice. “Do I have a choice?”
“Nope.”
Gackt took a deep breath. “In Sapporo, You kissed me.” Gackt saw the sparkle return to Chacha’s eyes and quickly moved to quell it. “But, he didn’t know why. He couldn’t explain to me what he wanted or what he felt for me so I told him to take a few days to think about it and tell me today.”
“Oh,” Chacha said softly, “he just told you. You still just wants to be your friend.”
Chacha moved forward, his right arm snaking around Gackt’s waist to rub reassuring circles in the small of Gackt’s back. Gackt’s skin was smooth and warm to his touch, despite the tension and rigidity of his muscles, and Gackt leaned into that comforting hand although he refused to relax.
How could You be so stupid? Chacha had been certain that You was starting to recognise and welcome those feelings for Gackt that Chacha knew that he had. He’d hoped that his cryptic comments to his fellow guitarist in Sendai would have been enough to start the ball rolling and make You realise exactly what Gackt meant to him and how good they could be together.
The notion that maybe he was wrong, that maybe You genuinely didn’t have any feelings for Gackt other than as a friend flashed through Chacha’s mind, but he quickly dismissed it. He wasn’t wrong. He couldn’t be. You had always worn his heart on his sleeve and the truth in his eyes. Chacha had lost count of the number of times he’d seen You’s gaze fall on Gackt during band meetings, mealtimes and movie nights for no reason other than that You wanted to look at the other man. No, Chacha was sure. It was love that he saw in You’s eyes whenever You looked at Gackt.
Definitely.
“He hasn’t said anything to me yet. I said that I didn’t want to discuss it here so he’s coming to my house after we finish getting ready,” Gackt explained. “I know what his answer will be though, and I’m ready for it. I’m not going to lose his friendship like last time.”
Chacha breathed a sigh of relief. “Maybe he’ll say what you want to hear.” You’re as blind as You is.
“I think if he was going to say that, he’d have done so as soon as he saw me. No, this is the rejection, ‘I just want to be your friend’ speech again,” Gackt replied.
“Well, whatever happens you know my phone number, Gakkun,” Chacha said softly, still tracing circles on Gackt’s lower back. “If you need to talk or want me to come over then just call and ask and I’ll be there.”
It was a tempting offer, but one that both Chacha and Gackt knew Gackt would never take up. “Thanks, Cha. You’ve been a great support to me these past few weeks, and I think you have been for You too. Thanks for looking after him.”
Chacha smiled. “Somebody has to try and help you two because damn, you don’t help yourselves do you”?
“I’ve never been one for an easy life,” Gackt said wistfully. “I should shower and change. I think it’s going to be a long night.”
Gackt leaned into Chacha and gave him a friendly kiss on the temple before walking away. But before Gackt was completely out of sight, Chacha shouted out to him, “remember my offer!”
Gackt raised his hand in acknowledgment and made his way to his dressing room.
*~*~*~
Gackt was seated on one of the luxurious and comfortable couches that decorated his living room. It was soft against his bare calves, supported his aching muscles and had, over the two years it had been a feature in his home, been Gackt’s bed for the night for more times than Gackt wanted to admit to. Usually, it was soothing and relaxing, and Gackt would normally sink into the expensive upholstery as he watched a movie until all of his stresses seemed to belong to another life but this night, while he was waiting for You to arrive, he was just as tense as ever.
He leaned forward and switched off the DVD that was playing, knowing that he wasn’t watching it anyway and that Jack Bauer would just have to save the world on another day when he wasn’t so preoccupied. He’d been at home for thirty minutes and knew that his house, hidden deep within the most exclusive part of Roppongi, was only a twenty-five minute drive from You’s apartment.
He’d asked You to give him enough time to get home before starting out. You should be here any moment.
Gackt stood up from the sofa and started pacing around the room. It was a bad habit of his, to resort to pacing when he was nervous, but it was also one that he couldn’t shake. His body always thrummed with an excess of energy when he was nervous and although it helped him before a live and carried him through that first song that even now, after hundreds if not thousands of successful lives, was still as difficult as those very first ones, it didn’t help off stage. Eneru, the little white fluffball of a dog that had been curled up at Gackt’s feet as he sat was grumpily trotting after Gackt, annoyed that his hot water bottle and pillow, Gackt’s feet, had been taken from him.
Gackt paused in his pacing to pick up the little dog and despite his tension and stress, he couldn’t help but smile when Eneru licked his neck. You loved that dog just as much as Gackt did, and Gackt could still remember a time a couple of years ago, when he was away filming Fuurin Kazan and You volunteered to look after Eneru, only to refuse to give him back when filming had finished. It had taken a day off and Gackt treating You to the best, largest and most expensive parfaits in Tokyo for You to finally relent and give the dog back.
Gackt put Eneru down in the kitchen, ensured the dog had everything he needed, and then shut the door. He didn’t want You to get distracted.
He hoped You would give his answer quickly. Gackt didn’t want a prolonged discussion full of apologies and explanations. He wanted You to come in, break his heart and go. No chatting, no discussion… Just straight to the point honesty. You would always pull off his band aids a bit at a time, spreading the pain out over a longer period of time, but Gackt had always been the type of kid who would grit his teeth and yank them from his skin in one smooth but violent motion. He hoped the conversation would be just as fast.
Gackt looked at his watch again. He’d been home forty-five minutes now. What was keeping You? He should have been here by now. Maybe he wasn’t coming. Maybe You didn’t feel comfortable speaking in Gackt’s home and would talk to him tomorrow, on more neutral ground. Gackt’s heart sank. He could still remember when the converted apartment building that had been made into Gackt’s home had been as much You’s home as his. If he looked around the living area that he stood in, he could still see so many things that You had suggested or had bought. Gackt knew that every room in the house was the same, even his master bedroom had a hint of You in it’s décor.
You was everywhere, and even now that You had his own apartment and actually lived there instead of just paying the bills and living at Gackt’s, he still treated Gackt’s home as his. You would always tease that he must be the only person in the world whose second home was bigger and more expensive than his first home and that Gackt was merely renting it from him. Gackt would simply smile and agree.
He didn’t want that to change. He wanted You to still feel as if his home was You’s home. He didn’t want to lose those days where he’d emerge from his dojo after several hours of training only to find You sprawled on his sofa, DVD remote in one hand and bag of chips in the other as the guitarist still had a key and liked Gackt’s far too big TV screen more than his own.
Fifty minutes. Where the hell was he?
The buzzing of Gackt’s doorbell suggested that You had finally arrived. He quickly glanced at the video intercom to confirm it was You and opened the door wordlessly before walking back to the living area, safe in the knowledge that You would follow him without prompt.
Gackt sat back down on the same couch as before and was a little disappointed to see that You sat on the couch opposite and not next to him, the glass coffee table and expensive chess set in-between them. Gackt’s poetic soul that saw connections, metaphors and coincidence everywhere he looked thought that it was probably fitting that a chess set sat before them as he felt like he was in the middle of the most difficult and stressful chess game he’d ever played. He knew that a few words from You, and he’d be in checkmate.
“Um… how are you?” You asked hesitantly. “Did the live tire you…”
“I’m fine,” Gackt said quickly.
“Good, good…” You replied.
Gackt closed his eyes. So much for ripping the band aid off quickly, You was so nervous that he could barely string a sentence together. “You, you don’t need to sugar coat what you want to say. If you’re struggling to explain things then I always find the best thing to do is to not explain at all, just say what you think and work from there.”
If only it was that easy, You thought. At the venue, earlier, he’d known exactly what he was going to say. He’d psyched himself up for the discussion, was still high on the testosterone and adrenaline that only a live could provide and was ready to explain everything to Gackt. But, Gackt had ensured that he didn’t have the chance, and the moment was lost. Ever since then, from the ride from the venue to his apartment, the thirty minutes spent sprawled face down on his bed and punching his pillows, to the drive over to Gackt’s, he’d been formulating the perfect thing to say and had then realised that the well rehearsed speech that he was going to give at the venue was completely wrong.
The more he’d thought and the more sentences and approaches that had ran through his mind during that drive to Gackt’s, the more nervous he’d become until he’d become so nervous that he’d barely been able to press Gackt’s front door buzzer without his fingers missing the button due to the nervous shake that had struck them.
Now that he sat before Gackt, the other man surveying him with those unusually hardened brown eyes and a firm set of his jaw that quite plainly stated ‘tell me immediately or get out’, You’s nerves had increased ten fold. He knew that Gackt deserved an answer. He knew that Gackt deserved a quick answer. He just couldn’t find the words.
Of course Gackt knew You well enough to recognise how much anxiety was coursing through You’s veins, and on any other occasion he’d do everything in his power to relieve some of that anxiety but now… he just wanted his answer. “You kissed me, You. Why did you do that?”
You sighed. Gackt was determined to drag the answer out of him, somehow. He couldn’t decide if being interrogated by Gackt was a bad thing or a good thing. At least this way, he didn’t have to worry about what to say and when to say it, he just needed to be honest. “I did it because at the time, I wanted to.”
“Why did you want to?”
“I don’t know,” You shrugged, “I know that’s not the answer you want, but it’s the truth. I wasn’t really thinking anything when I kissed you other than that I wanted to do it.”
“You’re right,” Gackt said, the harshness leaving his voice, “that’s not what I wanted to hear.”
You took a deep breath. “I don’t know where to start.”
“Just start at the beginning and speak from the heart, You,” Gackt said, “you don’t need fancy, rehearsed words.”
You knew that Gackt was right. He needed to stop over thinking things and just talk. The words were already there, inside of him, they were just being caged by his nerves and fear of saying the wrong thing again. He took a deep breath and tried again.
“Do you remember when we first met, Gaku? How much we disliked each other instantly for no reason? I knew back then that it was wrong to hate you and that I was missing out on something with you. Ren always told me that underneath the ego, anger and selfishness that you were a good guy, and I really wanted to see that, but you did everything you could to hide it from me.”
“I was a kid,” Gackt said, “I didn’t know what was good for me.”
“And you know now?” You asked. Gackt didn’t reply, but the question had been rhetorical anyway. “When I did finally see that good guy that you’d hidden, I was amazed at how easy everything was. We clicked so easily. I’ve never grown that close to someone so quickly.”
Gackt stared at the floor. It was exactly as he feared, You was giving him the big rejection speech, but trying to let him down gently by reminding him of their friendship. Gackt already knew all of this, didn’t need to be told again and just wanted You to get to the point. As much as he wanted to beg You to reach the end of his speech as quickly as possible, he also wanted to hear the words to remind himself that You did care for him, even loved him, just not in the way Gackt desired.
“You know, in those early days in Kyoto when we were still finding ourselves and were both just punks with a crazy dream, I had the biggest crush on you.”
“You did?” Gackt asked, not even attempting to hide the shock and surprise in his voice.
“I did,” You confirmed. You didn’t know why he was raking over this ancient history. But now that he’d started talking, he found that his mind had no control over what was being said. “You were dangerous, crazy and everything my parents had warned me against, but underneath all of that bravado, was a kid with a good heart who would die for his friends. You really haven’t changed that much have you?”
I’ve changed enough for your crush to end. Gackt remained silent. You seemed determined to speak of whatever was on his mind, and Gackt was too interested and too in awe of the passion and fire in You’s voice and eyes to stop him.
“But, you went to Tokyo, joined Malice Mizer and the real you became harder to find. We both moved on and any crush I had just disappeared. I was surprised when you called me to join your solo band, but I couldn’t say no. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I seem to have a problem with saying no to you most of the time.”
“I had noticed,” Gackt said with a sad smile. “I have trouble saying no to you most of the time too.”
“True,” You said with a nervous laugh. “Those early days were wild weren’t they? We were a successful band from the start thanks to the Mizer fans, but were working on the kind of budget a record label gives to an unknown Visual Kei band that probably won’t stay together for more than six months. We were sharing hotel rooms, flying economy class and I was still buying all of my food at the convenience store because my tiny apartment only had a microwave.”
“We made it work though,” Gackt stated.
“We did. We became one of the biggest things in Japan,” You said before reconsidering. “No, you become one of the biggest things in Japan. A household name, Gaku. Even those that don’t know your songs know your name and face. Me, I was just along for the ride.”
Gackt sighed. “You’ve always been more than that, You.”
“Hmm, I guess I have been. To you at least,” You said, noting the slight flinch and sad look that spread across Gackt’s face as he spoke. “It hasn’t been easy, staying by your side throughout all of this. Most people would have left years ago.”
“Most people have left,” Gackt pointed out. “There’s only you and Chacha left from those who did the first tour.”
“You asked me, once, why I was still here. I’ve been trying to figure out why. Why did I stay friends with you after you took off to Tokyo without even telling me that you were quitting Cains:Feel? Why did I choose joining your solo band over continuing with a business that had been in my family for 300 years? Why did I stick with you during that first year when I was so poor I lived on nothing but instant ramen and the few care packages my sister sent me? Why have I travelled the world with you, watching you destroy yourself with every collapse, listening to your tantrums when things don’t go your way and covering for you whenever you miss a meeting with the record company because you’re entertaining some starry eyed fan?”
Hearing everything laid out like that, in one passionate and forceful speech, made Gackt question it himself. He’d put You through so much over the years. He’d taken over the guitarist’s life with his dreams of fame and fortune, and You had never complained. He’d been that one constant throughout it all, the one thing that had kept Gackt grounded whenever it seemed like the singer would finally become so lost in his own persona and hype that there’d be no way back.
Gackt thought that he owed his career, his sanity and his very life to You. How could he ever have expected You to give him even more?
Gackt was so lost in his thoughts that he hadn’t noticed You getting up from his seat, walking around the chess board and coming to sit next to him. You was smiling at him, and it made Gackt’s heart ache.
“I kept asking myself, why, why, why?” You continued. “And I didn’t realise the answer until I was driving over here tonight. I stay with you and put up with all of your bullshit because I love you, Gaku. I always have. That crush never disappeared, it just turned into love and it’s been with me so long that I never recognised it for what it was.”
Any doubt or confusion that was lingering in Gackt’s mind after hearing You’s words was erased by the gentle caress of You’s lips against his own. You’s lips were warm and teasing, coaxing Gackt’s still slightly stunned lips to open and drowned his senses with sensation. He could feel You’s lips against his, those talented guitarist fingers tracing patterns in his hair and softly touching his face, he could taste the coffee You had drank earlier and that taste that was uniquely You, he could smell You, a mix of light shower gel and tempting spices, he could hear You’s soft groans as the kiss deepened and when they broke apart, both gasping for air, he could see nothing but love reflected in You’s eyes.
“I’m sorry, Gaku,” You said softly. “I’m sorry that I didn’t realise this sooner and caused all of those arguments in Europe.”
You was still playing with his hair, gently running his fingers through the bangs that sometimes covered his face. Gackt smiled at the touch. “I don’t care about that, You-kun. You’re here now and that’s all that matters.”
Gackt showed that he really didn’t care by stealing You’s breath from his lungs. You was sitting down, but he could still feel his legs go weak. Kisses had never felt this intense before. It was as if Gackt was both trying to devour him and worship him at the same time, and You was not at all surprised to find himself lying flat on his back on that too large leather couch as Gackt lay on top of him.
“You’re not going to change your mind, are you?” Gackt asked hesitantly.
You looked up at the man above him, the smooth, pale skin of his face slightly flushed with the heat of their kisses. “We’ve called ourselves friends, brothers and soul mates but none of those labels have really fit have they? We’ve always been something different, but I never realised we were something so much more. Now that I do know, how can I possibly walk away?”
All of Gackt’s eloquence and his way with words that helped him to construct such beautiful lyrics deserted him until only three words were left. “I love you.”
“I love you too,” You replied. The rest of his words were stolen by the sight of Gackt trying to stifle a yawn. “You’re tired, and we have a live tomorrow too. You should get some sleep, Gaku.”
“I’m okay,” Gackt insisted, his words betrayed by another yawn.
You chuckled. “It’s okay, Gaku, I’ll still love you in the morning.”
“Promise?” Gackt asked, not even caring that it made him sound needy.
“Promise,” You confirmed. “I should probably go home and get some sleep too…”
Gackt groaned disappointedly and moved from his position on top of You to lie beside him, trapped on his side between You and the back of the couch. He pulled You against his body, surprised at how easily You fit alongside him despite You’s superior height, You’s head tucked under his and resting on his chest. It was such a natural fit.
“You don’t need to go home, You,” Gackt said. “Stay here.”
“On the couch?” You questioned.
“Too tired to move,” Gackt explained.
“Okay,” You agreed. “But if my back hurts in the morning, you owe me a back rub.”
Gackt chuckled. “I’ll give you a back rub every morning if it means you’ll stay with me every night.”
“How can I refuse an offer like that?” You answered. “Now, go to sleep.”
Gackt’s tiredness, made worse by the stresses of the day and waiting for You, soon overtook him. You savoured the feel of Gackt’s strong arms around him, but soon fell asleep too. Gackt had owned that leather couch for two years and had fallen asleep on it more times than he could count. But, this was the first time he hadn’t slept on it alone.
TBC...
Notes
1) Now that really is progress!
2) I’m pretty sure Gackt didn’t just take off to Tokyo without quitting Cains:Feel or telling You, but this is fiction and it sounded more dramatic than what probably did happen.
3) Roppongi is an area of Tokyo. I remember hearing years ago that Gackt’s house is apparently in Roppongi somewhere, but I have no idea if that is true and honestly don’t care. I just remembered the rumour when writing this and decided to go with it. I just love the sound of the word "Roppongi" XD
4) Only three chapters left now. I wonder when the NC-17 rating will appear…
Previous chapter - JESUS
Next chapter - KAGERO