293
but now there's nothing left to do but waste my time. I never knew where to move on, i never knew what to rely upon.
Words undermine you as a person sometimes. I think sometimes it's better not to say anything at all, because then all of those snap judgments people make - they wouldn’t be able to pin it on you. Anyway, I always end up saying the wrong things, despite the huge effort I put into finding the right words. In everything I've ever said, and looked back on, I've always wished I've done it differently. And it's just not with that...it's with everything. I always second guess myself and it has led me to fucking up so many things that could have been good..because of assumptions gone wrong and the poorly made decisions that stemmed from that...and I don't even know how it's gotten to this point, where I can easily write about and openly admit to my flaws, fervently hoping that none of it's bad enough to turn you away. I guess this is my attempt at being completely honest, for once, and it's a fucked sense of logic, but it's all I've got.
I wish I knew what you think when you read this, or whatever else I write. Or about me, from the things that you've read. I wish I knew what compels you to check this thing, time and time again - I know it sounds incredibly presumptuous of me to say all of this, but it's true, I know some people read this -- although they are few and far between -- at least, once in awhile...and I don't know. I just can't help but wonder, although I guess I'll never know the answer to any of these since a) I can't read minds b) Doubtful that anyone's ever gonna speak up about any of it.
Words undermine you as a person sometimes. I think sometimes it's better not to say anything at all, because then all of those snap judgments people make - they wouldn’t be able to pin it on you. Anyway, I always end up saying the wrong things, despite the huge effort I put into finding the right words. In everything I've ever said, and looked back on, I've always wished I've done it differently. And it's just not with that...it's with everything. I always second guess myself and it has led me to fucking up so many things that could have been good..because of assumptions gone wrong and the poorly made decisions that stemmed from that...and I don't even know how it's gotten to this point, where I can easily write about and openly admit to my flaws, fervently hoping that none of it's bad enough to turn you away. I guess this is my attempt at being completely honest, for once, and it's a fucked sense of logic, but it's all I've got.
I wish I knew what you think when you read this, or whatever else I write. Or about me, from the things that you've read. I wish I knew what compels you to check this thing, time and time again - I know it sounds incredibly presumptuous of me to say all of this, but it's true, I know some people read this -- although they are few and far between -- at least, once in awhile...and I don't know. I just can't help but wonder, although I guess I'll never know the answer to any of these since a) I can't read minds b) Doubtful that anyone's ever gonna speak up about any of it.