Eternal Realist
If there is nothing else that can be learned from my life, it is that I hold tightly to a strong sense of realism. I am a realist. The glass is NOT half full. The glass is NOT half empty. In my paradigm, the glass is filled with six ounces of liquid, and how that's used is what's important. Often I'm seen as cold and calculating, that I'm detatched from feelings and emotions. I would like, however to dispel this myth.
To begin, it must be understood that I still have hopes and doubts. It is, however, the degree to which I put belief which makes me a realist. To use the cliche water glass metaphor, I do not "optimistically" view the glass as half full because it potentially gives me false hope that it will quench my thirst. I do not believe that it will fail, but neither do I believe it will succeed. Until it is consumed, I will not know. To me, "half full" implies a hopeful sense of plenty. Similarly I do not believe the glass is, "pessimistically" half empty because this is the approach that appears to believe that the glas is already insufficient. Why would the glass be half empty unless the consumer is conscerned that it won't quench thirst. So here I sit with my six ounces (or however many equals half) of water. If I get my hopes up, I may find myself disappointed because it unknowingly failed to meet my expectation. If I believe it will fail, then even should it work it will only be because I "got lucky" and it won't happen again. My expectations in both cases will affect my perspective on the outcome. However, if I suspend my expectations, then I can still experience surprised joy if it works, and can take the steps necessary to achieve success without needing to mourn the failure.
As another example, suppose that I am a manager who must fire an employee. Going into the meeting I have three options 1) expect things will go well 2) expect them to go miserably or 3) reserve expectations. If I'm optimistic, then I could find myself vastly disappointed, afraid, or confused. If I'm pessimistic, then my expectations may put words or meanings into my head which will create conflict in a situation where there perhaps is none. If I reserve expectations, however, I can objectively react to the reality of the event without the bias influence of my own emotions to steer the course, and I can also enter prepared for the worst as well as without worry.
Perhaps an enlightening experience came during the sixth grade after cross-country practice while waiting for my mother to give me a ride home. The first thing that began the situation was the rightful expectation that my mother would arrive. The second contributing factor is a traumatic childhood event where I was left at the park by my daycare. The third factor is my mother getting caught in a situation with an expectation of my actions. This established, I began waiting for her after practice ended. I sat and watched as my friends were picked up, and turned down offered rides because I expected her to get there. After everyone had gone, I continued to sit there waiting, believing that she would arrive, expecting it. I began to worry, and started to freak out. I checked every door of the high school, which is where practice started and ended, and began to cry. A lady nearby heard me and helped me find a phone to try and get a hold of my mother. When I did, she told me she was held up at a meeting and couldn't get there. Fear gave way to anger. She was SUPPOSED to be there. Of course, the irony is that she expected me to be capable of walking the mile back to the house.
Of course. My expectation blinded me to the fact that I could walk to my house which was so close that I had passed it on my run, which was three times as far and on a route that passed my house. If I could have suspended my emotional response, the fear and anger would not have occurred. Instead, I would have gathered my bag and pleasantly walked home. I knew then that things came up at work which would delay her, and for how late she was, she would have assumed that I had found a way back. My response would have assumed I had found a way back. My response to this event, then, is to adopt a realism paradigm.
Another example comes in the fifth grade. This was about the time of teh presidential election when Clinton and Dole were up as candidates. My friends didn't like Clinton and expressed how the country would go down the "crap shoot" without Dole getting elected. Of course, being a "mature" fifth grader who had great "experience in teh political realm", I created the expectation that the "crap shoot" would, in fact, happen when Clinton got elected. I thought he was a jerk, a fool. I saw all of the negatives. Eight years later, I found that my expectations were false and considered myself a fool for the baseless beliefs I held. Sure, I was just a fifth grader, but my expectations led me to disappointment, which in turn led to pessimism in regards to Clinton's time in office.
The only conclusion I can reach is that reserving my expectations would have led to a more objective view. The unfortunate part is that a false expectation led to eight years of false pessimistic views that I had to rethink. Instead, I could have reserved my expectations and reached objective conclusions.
To begin, it must be understood that I still have hopes and doubts. It is, however, the degree to which I put belief which makes me a realist. To use the cliche water glass metaphor, I do not "optimistically" view the glass as half full because it potentially gives me false hope that it will quench my thirst. I do not believe that it will fail, but neither do I believe it will succeed. Until it is consumed, I will not know. To me, "half full" implies a hopeful sense of plenty. Similarly I do not believe the glass is, "pessimistically" half empty because this is the approach that appears to believe that the glas is already insufficient. Why would the glass be half empty unless the consumer is conscerned that it won't quench thirst. So here I sit with my six ounces (or however many equals half) of water. If I get my hopes up, I may find myself disappointed because it unknowingly failed to meet my expectation. If I believe it will fail, then even should it work it will only be because I "got lucky" and it won't happen again. My expectations in both cases will affect my perspective on the outcome. However, if I suspend my expectations, then I can still experience surprised joy if it works, and can take the steps necessary to achieve success without needing to mourn the failure.
As another example, suppose that I am a manager who must fire an employee. Going into the meeting I have three options 1) expect things will go well 2) expect them to go miserably or 3) reserve expectations. If I'm optimistic, then I could find myself vastly disappointed, afraid, or confused. If I'm pessimistic, then my expectations may put words or meanings into my head which will create conflict in a situation where there perhaps is none. If I reserve expectations, however, I can objectively react to the reality of the event without the bias influence of my own emotions to steer the course, and I can also enter prepared for the worst as well as without worry.
Perhaps an enlightening experience came during the sixth grade after cross-country practice while waiting for my mother to give me a ride home. The first thing that began the situation was the rightful expectation that my mother would arrive. The second contributing factor is a traumatic childhood event where I was left at the park by my daycare. The third factor is my mother getting caught in a situation with an expectation of my actions. This established, I began waiting for her after practice ended. I sat and watched as my friends were picked up, and turned down offered rides because I expected her to get there. After everyone had gone, I continued to sit there waiting, believing that she would arrive, expecting it. I began to worry, and started to freak out. I checked every door of the high school, which is where practice started and ended, and began to cry. A lady nearby heard me and helped me find a phone to try and get a hold of my mother. When I did, she told me she was held up at a meeting and couldn't get there. Fear gave way to anger. She was SUPPOSED to be there. Of course, the irony is that she expected me to be capable of walking the mile back to the house.
Of course. My expectation blinded me to the fact that I could walk to my house which was so close that I had passed it on my run, which was three times as far and on a route that passed my house. If I could have suspended my emotional response, the fear and anger would not have occurred. Instead, I would have gathered my bag and pleasantly walked home. I knew then that things came up at work which would delay her, and for how late she was, she would have assumed that I had found a way back. My response would have assumed I had found a way back. My response to this event, then, is to adopt a realism paradigm.
Another example comes in the fifth grade. This was about the time of teh presidential election when Clinton and Dole were up as candidates. My friends didn't like Clinton and expressed how the country would go down the "crap shoot" without Dole getting elected. Of course, being a "mature" fifth grader who had great "experience in teh political realm", I created the expectation that the "crap shoot" would, in fact, happen when Clinton got elected. I thought he was a jerk, a fool. I saw all of the negatives. Eight years later, I found that my expectations were false and considered myself a fool for the baseless beliefs I held. Sure, I was just a fifth grader, but my expectations led me to disappointment, which in turn led to pessimism in regards to Clinton's time in office.
The only conclusion I can reach is that reserving my expectations would have led to a more objective view. The unfortunate part is that a false expectation led to eight years of false pessimistic views that I had to rethink. Instead, I could have reserved my expectations and reached objective conclusions.