(no subject)
such a wonderful picnic yesterday. the one day off we both had this week was a good day, i love him so much, as for Sam, things are getting better, i think i am going to go for the forgive and forget, or at least hide the fact that i care about it anymore for now until i have a reason to, yeah until i have a reason to, its always when i push things to the back of my mind that the worst things happen, tomorrow is Friday the 13th, that should be a good day for me, always is always has been. looking forward tonight, i have been feeling incredibly horrible lately, physically, i really hope i am not getting sick or that something else isn't wrong, it feels like my stomach is in knots and my head is pounding, i need to sleep but i just cant i lay in my bed and wish i could be sleeping but all i see are the blue glowing stars we stuck around my room weeks ago, time is really going fast for me, and i am having mixed emotions about all of it, its like i want to savor one moment but i know if i do i will be taking time from the next, during the day yesterday i felt like i was nothing, like i didn't fit in anymore, i sat in school witting pages of thoughts and feelings, something i haven't done for a while, something i think i had forgotten how to do, to take everything out on a pen and some paper, and in the end feel incredibly better, not quite good yet but so much better, and then seeing him later that afternoon and having our picnic and just being able to be with him and held by him for more than a half an hour was absolutely refreshing the kisses everything, it made me so happy and everything disappeared, right now i am ok school, work and then here now where i am sitting, waiting for something better to do that just sit here i will probably go lay in my bad and attempt to sleep, just to fail, and wait for my goodnite call whenever he gets off...