IDKW
I miss everybody.
I miss my girls, so much so I actually feel a little happier talking to them on MSN/skype.
I miss 06S207, although I'll be seeing them tmr. I like how we can crack each other up so easily.
I miss PT0901, because I'm feeling absolutely miserable at clinicals. I can't believe how happy I was to see Shern the other day when she came to SGH for a talk. School days were so much more fun compared to the shit I'm going through right now.
I miss my parents. I don't know why, but I miss them. I feel so homesick all the time when I'm at the hospital and it sucks now 'cos both of them are at church and I'm home alone.
It all sums up to.
I fucking hate clinicals. I'm actually getting phobic of my CE. It's not obvious that I'm failing my clinicals. & my CE told me I'm the weakest among the four of us. I failed my mid-assessment placement and there's only 9 more days to buck up. Plus the inservice presentation is starting to haunt me. I feel so stressed by this placement I feel like giving up so bad. I actually smsed my mom yesterday while I was waiting for my project groupmates telling her that I want to enroll into SIM upon graduating from NYP. That is, if I even survived through. I got so stressed the other day I contemplated calling my mom in the middle of clinicals but I stopped myself 'cos I knew that I'd cry as soon as I hear her voice. Syu was really nice and I really appreciated her cheering me up but I could barely smile. I almost broke down in front of her and it was a painful struggle to hold back my tears. I ended up crying at home, half glad my mother didn't know 'cos I didn't want to explain myself. I wouldn't even know what to explain because I don't know what's wrong with myself. It's just like I have a really heavy rock weighing down on my shoulders/heart and it was really unbearable.
It's not like I didn't try. I tried really hard, but everything seems to be working against me. Is it a lack of interest, I don't know. Then I wonder to myself, is it just my problem? Would changing course make a difference? Would I just end up being stressed and unhappy anyway? Sometimes I watch the KPop groups perform on music shows and I kinda just feel envious. Although there's no reason to be. They've worked hard to get their shot at fame. While I need to work hard to get my certificate.
But it still doesn't stop me from being stressed. Is it just my personality? Of being a worry-wart? I know stress is good, in a way, it motivates one and stuff.. but all it does for me is bring me down. The more stressed I get, the worse I perform. I know I do a post on these kinda stuff really often but I need to get it off my chest. & I really want to talk to my mom right now. I also don't wanna talk to her at the same time because I don't want her to ask me what I want to do with my life now. Because I have no idea what I want to do with my life now. I don't want to make a decision. I want to finish this off but I don't know if I can pull through. And even if I managed to pull through, my GPA's fucked and I can go nowhere. All these talk about securing a job 'cos hospitals are in need of physios.. Why would they want a physio with a shit GPA?
Yes I'm feeling downright miserable right now. I need a hobby. Something to keep my mind off school. But I can't keep my mind off school 'cos clinicals is screwing with me.
I'm so worried now I don't know what to do. I need another good bawl.
I miss my girls, so much so I actually feel a little happier talking to them on MSN/skype.
I miss 06S207, although I'll be seeing them tmr. I like how we can crack each other up so easily.
I miss PT0901, because I'm feeling absolutely miserable at clinicals. I can't believe how happy I was to see Shern the other day when she came to SGH for a talk. School days were so much more fun compared to the shit I'm going through right now.
I miss my parents. I don't know why, but I miss them. I feel so homesick all the time when I'm at the hospital and it sucks now 'cos both of them are at church and I'm home alone.
It all sums up to.
I fucking hate clinicals. I'm actually getting phobic of my CE. It's not obvious that I'm failing my clinicals. & my CE told me I'm the weakest among the four of us. I failed my mid-assessment placement and there's only 9 more days to buck up. Plus the inservice presentation is starting to haunt me. I feel so stressed by this placement I feel like giving up so bad. I actually smsed my mom yesterday while I was waiting for my project groupmates telling her that I want to enroll into SIM upon graduating from NYP. That is, if I even survived through. I got so stressed the other day I contemplated calling my mom in the middle of clinicals but I stopped myself 'cos I knew that I'd cry as soon as I hear her voice. Syu was really nice and I really appreciated her cheering me up but I could barely smile. I almost broke down in front of her and it was a painful struggle to hold back my tears. I ended up crying at home, half glad my mother didn't know 'cos I didn't want to explain myself. I wouldn't even know what to explain because I don't know what's wrong with myself. It's just like I have a really heavy rock weighing down on my shoulders/heart and it was really unbearable.
It's not like I didn't try. I tried really hard, but everything seems to be working against me. Is it a lack of interest, I don't know. Then I wonder to myself, is it just my problem? Would changing course make a difference? Would I just end up being stressed and unhappy anyway? Sometimes I watch the KPop groups perform on music shows and I kinda just feel envious. Although there's no reason to be. They've worked hard to get their shot at fame. While I need to work hard to get my certificate.
But it still doesn't stop me from being stressed. Is it just my personality? Of being a worry-wart? I know stress is good, in a way, it motivates one and stuff.. but all it does for me is bring me down. The more stressed I get, the worse I perform. I know I do a post on these kinda stuff really often but I need to get it off my chest. & I really want to talk to my mom right now. I also don't wanna talk to her at the same time because I don't want her to ask me what I want to do with my life now. Because I have no idea what I want to do with my life now. I don't want to make a decision. I want to finish this off but I don't know if I can pull through. And even if I managed to pull through, my GPA's fucked and I can go nowhere. All these talk about securing a job 'cos hospitals are in need of physios.. Why would they want a physio with a shit GPA?
Yes I'm feeling downright miserable right now. I need a hobby. Something to keep my mind off school. But I can't keep my mind off school 'cos clinicals is screwing with me.
I'm so worried now I don't know what to do. I need another good bawl.