(no subject)

[untwo_trois]

While I was at my mom's for another week I realized how angry I was. How much I really disliked the two of them for doing this to me. & seemingly not care what it was doing to me. I realized that two people so selfish, so inconsiderate could not possibly be worth my time. I asked Britt to wait. I said I needed at least a month, & that was cutting it short, & she said she wouldn't. So I left. I left & I got angry, & then I realized they aren't worth it. If they aren't willing to wait a month, a month out of their entire lives, for me to accept what was going on, for the idea to grow in my head instead of taking it over, then they aren't worth it. If after being in Britt's life for five years, her being in love with me for most of that, isn't worth her waiting a month, then they aren't worth my friendship. I don't want to be friends with people who aren't willing to help their friends out, no matter what they are asking. I don't want to be friends with people who are so selfish & careless. I am a person who thrives on giving to others & I expect that from the people around me. I don't think I asked for too much & it was never given, so I gave up on them.

Now Brittany wants to make it up to me. She begged me to be her friend. I can't do that. I can't be her friend. Not just because of this, but also because I don't want a friendship with her. I want all or nothing. I can't just be her friend because what I want with her right now is so much more than friendship. Even after all of this, I'm still in love with her.

I made her cry, a lot. I am not happy about that. But for once, I am doing something for myself & I am proud of that.