First Emotion, then Logic; Lastly, Punctuation.
There is no friendship or respect between us now. All you offer me for appeasement are ideas i no longer want from you. It is meaningless, void; and without progress has become dulled with routine.
All feet, inches and nerve endings of mine ache for how you and i were, but with realization that it can't be forced into that form again. It is my fault for making things worse before i could let it be okay. i still can't figure out if it is okay. How do you erase habit? How do you stop feeling for someone you never thought you could be indifferent towards? i can try and cheat but somehow you know those hopeful feelings are gone so you tuck yourself into the comfort of casual encounters and beg for some flint to make a spark. but still it means nothing.
I know i am not made to work like this. you try to destroy all the things in me that brought you to me. all so you don't feel the guilt of leaving another person who changed you. i tried to change you. why did i try to change you?
How can i let someone else near me now that i've lost myself? How do you relieve two years of hurt? i guess you were the one who has changed me
I consistently blame you for the things i know i could control and undo if i'd only let you go. what is left are questions i don't want to answer and feelings i can't place or put a label on.
There are so many things i wish i could say but i think i've wasted too much time trying to find my own words for you and realizing words never help and only console those who speak them and can own them.
How can i feel i've lost so much since then when i can no longer even remember the time i had it all? Somedays i think i've made it all up in my head to fuel this obsession with a sense of beauty that can never be fulfilled, at least not by you, anyway.
well how is this for beauty.
So im left with these words on this paper. Empty, petty ramblings of someone who was too afraid to speak when it actually counted and lost something that she never thought could be lost. peace of mind.
i will carry this with me as a reminder to never again surrender so easily. sometimes you just can't let them see.
Happy New Year
Melissa
"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)
The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)
God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Satan's men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
I fancied you'd return the way you said,
But I grow old and I forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)
I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)"
All feet, inches and nerve endings of mine ache for how you and i were, but with realization that it can't be forced into that form again. It is my fault for making things worse before i could let it be okay. i still can't figure out if it is okay. How do you erase habit? How do you stop feeling for someone you never thought you could be indifferent towards? i can try and cheat but somehow you know those hopeful feelings are gone so you tuck yourself into the comfort of casual encounters and beg for some flint to make a spark. but still it means nothing.
I know i am not made to work like this. you try to destroy all the things in me that brought you to me. all so you don't feel the guilt of leaving another person who changed you. i tried to change you. why did i try to change you?
How can i let someone else near me now that i've lost myself? How do you relieve two years of hurt? i guess you were the one who has changed me
I consistently blame you for the things i know i could control and undo if i'd only let you go. what is left are questions i don't want to answer and feelings i can't place or put a label on.
There are so many things i wish i could say but i think i've wasted too much time trying to find my own words for you and realizing words never help and only console those who speak them and can own them.
How can i feel i've lost so much since then when i can no longer even remember the time i had it all? Somedays i think i've made it all up in my head to fuel this obsession with a sense of beauty that can never be fulfilled, at least not by you, anyway.
well how is this for beauty.
So im left with these words on this paper. Empty, petty ramblings of someone who was too afraid to speak when it actually counted and lost something that she never thought could be lost. peace of mind.
i will carry this with me as a reminder to never again surrender so easily. sometimes you just can't let them see.
Happy New Year
Melissa
"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)
The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)
God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Satan's men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
I fancied you'd return the way you said,
But I grow old and I forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)
I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)"