fuck everything
so.
stuff is shit.
i haven't heard from tim since he left. it'd be nice to know that he's going well. cunt. runs away, comes to adelaide to see me after a fucking 16 months, talks about his girlfriend nonstop and then expects me to fuck him. he wouldn't even give me head. selfish fucker.
and thomas. thomas is gone. i hated the fucking security of that relationship and now i couldn't think of anything better. i hated that he had me and i had him and tra la la. i thought it was strange. made me feel ill every now and then. it was like we were one another's fucking parasites or something. and now. how things change.
i'm sick of putting effort in when all i get is crap.
and i'm tired of wanting someone else to validate me. having said that, it's still what i want. at least i can admit that i'm a weak fuck.
so yeah.
fuck stuff.
i would rant about people using me... but no one even bothers with that.
I JUST WANT A BOY TO LOOK AT ME AND SMILE.
and for shayle to stop trying to make out with me all the time because it turns me on and it freaks me out.
i don't understand. i don't understand what it is that'll make me content. it wasn't tim. it wasn't thomas. he was probably the closest, though. and still i knew he wasn't it.
i think i have the problem where if someone else likes me then i think it's ok for me to like me. but until then i think i'm a fuckwit.
so this is why i'm so shit about not getting what i want because when i put myself out there and get cut down then it stings a little.
or else i'll just be the most defensive person you'll ever meet if i do like you because soon enough you won't be interested.
fucked if i know.
i hate this shit.
stuff is shit.
i haven't heard from tim since he left. it'd be nice to know that he's going well. cunt. runs away, comes to adelaide to see me after a fucking 16 months, talks about his girlfriend nonstop and then expects me to fuck him. he wouldn't even give me head. selfish fucker.
and thomas. thomas is gone. i hated the fucking security of that relationship and now i couldn't think of anything better. i hated that he had me and i had him and tra la la. i thought it was strange. made me feel ill every now and then. it was like we were one another's fucking parasites or something. and now. how things change.
i'm sick of putting effort in when all i get is crap.
and i'm tired of wanting someone else to validate me. having said that, it's still what i want. at least i can admit that i'm a weak fuck.
so yeah.
fuck stuff.
i would rant about people using me... but no one even bothers with that.
I JUST WANT A BOY TO LOOK AT ME AND SMILE.
and for shayle to stop trying to make out with me all the time because it turns me on and it freaks me out.
i don't understand. i don't understand what it is that'll make me content. it wasn't tim. it wasn't thomas. he was probably the closest, though. and still i knew he wasn't it.
i think i have the problem where if someone else likes me then i think it's ok for me to like me. but until then i think i'm a fuckwit.
so this is why i'm so shit about not getting what i want because when i put myself out there and get cut down then it stings a little.
or else i'll just be the most defensive person you'll ever meet if i do like you because soon enough you won't be interested.
fucked if i know.
i hate this shit.