Insane Grace - Chapter 2
TITLE: Insane Grace
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Muse or Idlewild. This story is a product of my sick imagination, not written for profit. Apologies to all the parties involved.
DISCLAIMER:A story about obsession and sick love. About utter abandon and confusion. About beauty and darkness. Matt/Roddy
Author's note: This is a very, very old piece of mine. Please forgive the crappiness.
Matt POV
A robin.
Standing there. Sitting on that high stool.
Ruffled dark hair.
Pale blue eyes and a red shirt.
Delicate mouth. Fragile bones.
A blessing of freckles across his little kid nose.
A red breast in a room full of too many egos.
He seemed so incredibly… pure.
I knew who he was. Don’t we all know each other in this fake little world of ours?
A robin.
"Baby? Baby look at me."
His tenderness it’s so unexpected.
A gift I didn’t know I wanted.
This tenderness wrapped in his skin.
This tenderness warm in his mouth.
This tenderness caressing my madness.
He kisses his way up to my lips.
Relentlessly.
Delicate.
I want him.
I met him and he was nothing to me.
Nothing.
I could fuck whoever I wanted to. And that’s what I did.
Let’s call it experience. Whatever.
He was just another musician.
A damn fine one to be honest. But it was like we were from two different planets.
We are from two different planets.
He is a nice person.
A beautiful person.
A beautiful human being.
Me? I am me. Fuck I don’t have a clue. No matter how many mushrooms I do to explore.
I fucking don’t have a clue.
He is a man. A fragile, strong, confused, smart, scared, incredibly tender man.
And I want him.
All of him.
He looks at me, parting my lips open with his and I slip my tongue in his mouth tasting myself in him and he moans and I am fucking dizzy and I just want him to fuck me raw.
Now.
I grab his hand, forcing it between my legs once again and the blue of his eyes burns my soul with a desperate hunger.
And I want all of him.
All of him.
All of him.
"I want you Roddy. Baby… Roddy I need you to tear at my flesh. To break every defence. To go past this prison of bones and flesh and spunk. I want you buried in my flesh like a curse…"
I know he’s scared of me.
He’s scared of me but he’s still here.
Still holding me.
Why? Why do I need him?
Why do I need this particular body?
He was nothing to me.
Nothing.
Fucking no one.
And now I feel like drowning.
I feel like suffocating.
I feel like fucking dying and I cannot cope. I cannot cope with all of this.
I can’t.
I can’t.
I can’t.
He is trying to slow me down, caressing my chest, talking softly in my ear.
"Matt… I don’t want to hurt you. Matt…"
But I want him to hurt me!
I want him to shove his cock into my body and push it and push it and push it; till the pain in my ass is the only thing I can name. Till I don’t have to think about the gentleness of his hands anymore.
I push him off me. He looks startled, hurt. I shoot him a sick smile and grab a condom from the nightstand. I open the package and look at him once more.
And now I am the one who’s scared.
Because Roddy’s naked. His cock rigid. Swollen. His cheeks flushed. Traces of my cum still linger on his lips and he still manages to look so… innocent.
Like I still haven’t tainted him.
Like I haven’t poisoned him.
But I will.
I know I will.
He knows I will.
But he is still here.
I am scared. I don’t want all of this.
I don’t.
I cannot possibly want this.
Why would he fucking want this?
He wasn’t even into men before me.
I was into everything. And everyone.
He holds out his hand, but instead of taking the condom, he just runs his fingers across my palm, slowly moving to my wrist, following the dark blue lines of my veins.
He caresses the hollow on my elbow and I shiver.
I am hard again and he’s not even kissing me.
His fingers are brushing against my arm, his pale blue eyes piercing through my body. My soul…
He is so soft…
God I wish I could just fuck him senseless and leave.
I wish I could just finish it right now. Just get dressed and leave this place.
Leave him.
I wish I could forget the way his mouth curves in the slightest of smiles when he sees me.
I wish I could forget the way his hair falls over his brow.
The boyish, soft look in his eyes.
The hollow of his throat.
The beating of his heart, marking every breath.
I wish I could forget, because I know I will die remembering him.
Forever.
Even after he’ll be gone.
But this is now and he is here.
Closing the distance between our bodies. Kissing my cheeks. Caressing my back. Counting the rosary of my vertebrae.
"Matt I am not gonna hurt you. I won’t hurt you. I won’t hurt you…"
I know he won’t. He can’t.
He breathes softly, his hands roaming the skinny mess of my body. I don’t even realise I am back flat on the bed till I can see him stretching by my side.
Still looking at me he kisses my stomach and I let out a strangled sob.
"I won’t hurt you. I won’t…"
I wish he could.
I would be able to leave then.
While now I am bound by his tenderness.
I am bound to this place in the enclosure of his arms.
I am bound by feelings I don’t even want to start decoding.
I am his.
I am.
He doesn’t know. I won’t tell him.
I will destroy his beauty.
That’s what I know and it hurts so badly.
I will break this shining soul of his.
I will cast a shadow over his eyes.
I will twist his smile with a bitter smirk.
I know I will.
I don’t want to. But I will.
I want him to leave. I want him to go away. Erase him from my memory.
But he whispers my name in my mouth and I cannot let him go.
I cannot.
I won’t.
"Baby… please… please…"
My voice sounds strange to my own ears. Where does this need come from?
Where does this feeling of belonging come from?
He keeps kissing me while he slips his fingers into me, stretching me little by little.
A constant gentleness in everything thing he does.
I want to scream.
I want to be hurt.
But he won’t let me have that.
He won’t let me be hurt.
And I don’t know why.
I don’t dare asking.
Too afraid that the answer will bind me to him even more.
I squirm a little when I feel another finger pushing into me. The concern on his face breaks my heart and for once I am just honest, I just tell the truth.
"It’s ok Baby, it’s ok. Don’t stop now. I want you… badly. Fuck me please. Now. Now."
He slips a condom on his cock and places himself between my legs and I know it should be trivial.
An act too human to be graceful.
But it is.
He is.
He leans over for another kiss and I give in, my desire burning in his mouth as he pushes into me and I arch my body to accommodate him and we are moulding into each other.
With his eyes close he thrusts against my body with a rough tenderness and I cannot breath.
I forgot how to breath but I don’t care because he’s inside me and his body is so close and his mouth so red… a bruised flower.
He is pushing into me, my blood is running wild in a red rush of pleasure and pain and I murmur his name over and over.
"Roddy… Oh God…"
Am I breathing?
I don’t know.
I can only feel him. Taste him. Breathe him.
I beg. Again and again.
"Baby… Please…"
And I can feel him deep inside me and I can feel his fear, his desire, his love.
He plunges into me once more and it’s over.
His cock still sheathed inside m body. My cum coating our stomachs and he laces tiny kisses over my collarbone.
And here we are.
He fucked me
He came.
I came.
That should be all.
It should.
But it isn’t.
It isn’t.
I feel him sliding out of me and I’ve never felt so empty. So fucking alone.
But he is still here.
He’s not going anywhere.
He’s the one kissing my lips with a grace I don’t have a name for.
He is the one lying next to me, his head on my chest.
His arms holding me still.
Still.
I know I don’t deserve this.
I don’t deserve him.
But I am selfish.
I am so damn selfish.
I’ll keep him here.
I’ll keep him here till the end.
Till the end.
"Matt?…"
"Shush Baby… Shush…"
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Muse or Idlewild. This story is a product of my sick imagination, not written for profit. Apologies to all the parties involved.
DISCLAIMER:A story about obsession and sick love. About utter abandon and confusion. About beauty and darkness. Matt/Roddy
Author's note: This is a very, very old piece of mine. Please forgive the crappiness.
Matt POV
A robin.
Standing there. Sitting on that high stool.
Ruffled dark hair.
Pale blue eyes and a red shirt.
Delicate mouth. Fragile bones.
A blessing of freckles across his little kid nose.
A red breast in a room full of too many egos.
He seemed so incredibly… pure.
I knew who he was. Don’t we all know each other in this fake little world of ours?
A robin.
"Baby? Baby look at me."
His tenderness it’s so unexpected.
A gift I didn’t know I wanted.
This tenderness wrapped in his skin.
This tenderness warm in his mouth.
This tenderness caressing my madness.
He kisses his way up to my lips.
Relentlessly.
Delicate.
I want him.
I met him and he was nothing to me.
Nothing.
I could fuck whoever I wanted to. And that’s what I did.
Let’s call it experience. Whatever.
He was just another musician.
A damn fine one to be honest. But it was like we were from two different planets.
We are from two different planets.
He is a nice person.
A beautiful person.
A beautiful human being.
Me? I am me. Fuck I don’t have a clue. No matter how many mushrooms I do to explore.
I fucking don’t have a clue.
He is a man. A fragile, strong, confused, smart, scared, incredibly tender man.
And I want him.
All of him.
He looks at me, parting my lips open with his and I slip my tongue in his mouth tasting myself in him and he moans and I am fucking dizzy and I just want him to fuck me raw.
Now.
I grab his hand, forcing it between my legs once again and the blue of his eyes burns my soul with a desperate hunger.
And I want all of him.
All of him.
All of him.
"I want you Roddy. Baby… Roddy I need you to tear at my flesh. To break every defence. To go past this prison of bones and flesh and spunk. I want you buried in my flesh like a curse…"
I know he’s scared of me.
He’s scared of me but he’s still here.
Still holding me.
Why? Why do I need him?
Why do I need this particular body?
He was nothing to me.
Nothing.
Fucking no one.
And now I feel like drowning.
I feel like suffocating.
I feel like fucking dying and I cannot cope. I cannot cope with all of this.
I can’t.
I can’t.
I can’t.
He is trying to slow me down, caressing my chest, talking softly in my ear.
"Matt… I don’t want to hurt you. Matt…"
But I want him to hurt me!
I want him to shove his cock into my body and push it and push it and push it; till the pain in my ass is the only thing I can name. Till I don’t have to think about the gentleness of his hands anymore.
I push him off me. He looks startled, hurt. I shoot him a sick smile and grab a condom from the nightstand. I open the package and look at him once more.
And now I am the one who’s scared.
Because Roddy’s naked. His cock rigid. Swollen. His cheeks flushed. Traces of my cum still linger on his lips and he still manages to look so… innocent.
Like I still haven’t tainted him.
Like I haven’t poisoned him.
But I will.
I know I will.
He knows I will.
But he is still here.
I am scared. I don’t want all of this.
I don’t.
I cannot possibly want this.
Why would he fucking want this?
He wasn’t even into men before me.
I was into everything. And everyone.
He holds out his hand, but instead of taking the condom, he just runs his fingers across my palm, slowly moving to my wrist, following the dark blue lines of my veins.
He caresses the hollow on my elbow and I shiver.
I am hard again and he’s not even kissing me.
His fingers are brushing against my arm, his pale blue eyes piercing through my body. My soul…
He is so soft…
God I wish I could just fuck him senseless and leave.
I wish I could just finish it right now. Just get dressed and leave this place.
Leave him.
I wish I could forget the way his mouth curves in the slightest of smiles when he sees me.
I wish I could forget the way his hair falls over his brow.
The boyish, soft look in his eyes.
The hollow of his throat.
The beating of his heart, marking every breath.
I wish I could forget, because I know I will die remembering him.
Forever.
Even after he’ll be gone.
But this is now and he is here.
Closing the distance between our bodies. Kissing my cheeks. Caressing my back. Counting the rosary of my vertebrae.
"Matt I am not gonna hurt you. I won’t hurt you. I won’t hurt you…"
I know he won’t. He can’t.
He breathes softly, his hands roaming the skinny mess of my body. I don’t even realise I am back flat on the bed till I can see him stretching by my side.
Still looking at me he kisses my stomach and I let out a strangled sob.
"I won’t hurt you. I won’t…"
I wish he could.
I would be able to leave then.
While now I am bound by his tenderness.
I am bound to this place in the enclosure of his arms.
I am bound by feelings I don’t even want to start decoding.
I am his.
I am.
He doesn’t know. I won’t tell him.
I will destroy his beauty.
That’s what I know and it hurts so badly.
I will break this shining soul of his.
I will cast a shadow over his eyes.
I will twist his smile with a bitter smirk.
I know I will.
I don’t want to. But I will.
I want him to leave. I want him to go away. Erase him from my memory.
But he whispers my name in my mouth and I cannot let him go.
I cannot.
I won’t.
"Baby… please… please…"
My voice sounds strange to my own ears. Where does this need come from?
Where does this feeling of belonging come from?
He keeps kissing me while he slips his fingers into me, stretching me little by little.
A constant gentleness in everything thing he does.
I want to scream.
I want to be hurt.
But he won’t let me have that.
He won’t let me be hurt.
And I don’t know why.
I don’t dare asking.
Too afraid that the answer will bind me to him even more.
I squirm a little when I feel another finger pushing into me. The concern on his face breaks my heart and for once I am just honest, I just tell the truth.
"It’s ok Baby, it’s ok. Don’t stop now. I want you… badly. Fuck me please. Now. Now."
He slips a condom on his cock and places himself between my legs and I know it should be trivial.
An act too human to be graceful.
But it is.
He is.
He leans over for another kiss and I give in, my desire burning in his mouth as he pushes into me and I arch my body to accommodate him and we are moulding into each other.
With his eyes close he thrusts against my body with a rough tenderness and I cannot breath.
I forgot how to breath but I don’t care because he’s inside me and his body is so close and his mouth so red… a bruised flower.
He is pushing into me, my blood is running wild in a red rush of pleasure and pain and I murmur his name over and over.
"Roddy… Oh God…"
Am I breathing?
I don’t know.
I can only feel him. Taste him. Breathe him.
I beg. Again and again.
"Baby… Please…"
And I can feel him deep inside me and I can feel his fear, his desire, his love.
He plunges into me once more and it’s over.
His cock still sheathed inside m body. My cum coating our stomachs and he laces tiny kisses over my collarbone.
And here we are.
He fucked me
He came.
I came.
That should be all.
It should.
But it isn’t.
It isn’t.
I feel him sliding out of me and I’ve never felt so empty. So fucking alone.
But he is still here.
He’s not going anywhere.
He’s the one kissing my lips with a grace I don’t have a name for.
He is the one lying next to me, his head on my chest.
His arms holding me still.
Still.
I know I don’t deserve this.
I don’t deserve him.
But I am selfish.
I am so damn selfish.
I’ll keep him here.
I’ll keep him here till the end.
Till the end.
"Matt?…"
"Shush Baby… Shush…"