(no subject)
i'm stuck at home, babysitting jason on my day off from work. And it's funny, because there have been times today where i've wanted to kill him, and i've hated every iota of his being, and then there have been times where he and i have gotten along so well, and he's just been adorable, and i want to hug him and squeeze him and keep him an adorable little 8 year old forever.
that sometimes they want to slaughter their children, and soemtimes their children are the most wonderful things in the world? I mean, I know i'm only his aunt, but I love Jason with all my heart, no matter how much I hate him sometimes. When something's wrong with him, I worry. Not like my brother, whom i don't give half a shit whether he lives or dies.
I can't imagine how horribel it must be for my mom, to see the hatred i have for my brother. And his plasti-boobs girlfriend. I mean, we're both her children, she loves us both so much. It must rip her heart in two.
Being a parent must be such a hard thing. It terrifies me to think that one day i'll have kids, that my friends will have kids; that we'll al be grown up big people with jobs and houses and spouses and hernias and kidnet stones, and old people problems. It's so strange to think that we won't be teenagers forever. Hell, i only have another year of "teenager"ship. that's terrifying thought.
I'm so afraid of being an adult. So afraid of being responsible for things. I'm not ready for this, for any of it. That's why nearly all of my friends are so young, because i'm not at the same place in my life as people my age. They're all off at college, or somewhere along those lines... And me, i' just about to get my first paycheck ever, taking a semester off from school becase college scares me. I don't like having to make important decisions about my future. I'm not ready yet. fuck.
wow..see how that digressed from parenthood? but its all along the same lines. *shrugs*
and on that cheerie note..i'm gonna go take a shower.
that sometimes they want to slaughter their children, and soemtimes their children are the most wonderful things in the world? I mean, I know i'm only his aunt, but I love Jason with all my heart, no matter how much I hate him sometimes. When something's wrong with him, I worry. Not like my brother, whom i don't give half a shit whether he lives or dies.
I can't imagine how horribel it must be for my mom, to see the hatred i have for my brother. And his plasti-boobs girlfriend. I mean, we're both her children, she loves us both so much. It must rip her heart in two.
Being a parent must be such a hard thing. It terrifies me to think that one day i'll have kids, that my friends will have kids; that we'll al be grown up big people with jobs and houses and spouses and hernias and kidnet stones, and old people problems. It's so strange to think that we won't be teenagers forever. Hell, i only have another year of "teenager"ship. that's terrifying thought.
I'm so afraid of being an adult. So afraid of being responsible for things. I'm not ready for this, for any of it. That's why nearly all of my friends are so young, because i'm not at the same place in my life as people my age. They're all off at college, or somewhere along those lines... And me, i' just about to get my first paycheck ever, taking a semester off from school becase college scares me. I don't like having to make important decisions about my future. I'm not ready yet. fuck.
wow..see how that digressed from parenthood? but its all along the same lines. *shrugs*
and on that cheerie note..i'm gonna go take a shower.