So not amazing...
I'm not amazing anymore, not even close....I don't even know what the fuck I am anymore.
I wish I knew exactly how to articulate my feelings without coming off all "pity party for Justin"
It's incredibly difficult knowing that you are doing things the wrong way and not knowing how to fix them. I'm losing my grip on things daily and I think it's time I try harder. I will try harder, but dammit...will it be good enough.
I've been a shitty person, and I wish for pennace, I do. I need forgiveness and redemption..for years of pain I've wrought. Who can give me such forgiveness? Me, and only me really, but for some reason I won't do that. I think I need heavy drugs or therapy or some combo of both. I need to unravel the person I've become. I used to be a nice person, but now I'm just jaded and hateful. I think I thrived on it for so long. It's overcome me and I just wish for a cure. Not even a cure really just some treatment. My loved ones deserve so much more than what I've been giving them.
Is it possible to be redeemed? Or do we just have to live and suffer? It's really depressing to think that change is impossible. I have to find my faith again. I gave it all up when I got sick I think. I've not been the same since. Sometimes I wish I could go back to being that person. I was biologically abnormal, but at least I felt more sane back then. It's all in my head I know, I know.
I wish I could love stronger and harder and more pure. I wish I could remove the shackles of the past and become whole for once in my life. I fester, I rot and I shun the love of people that I should be embracing. How sad.
I pray to any diety that will heed my cry for help.
I wish I knew exactly how to articulate my feelings without coming off all "pity party for Justin"
It's incredibly difficult knowing that you are doing things the wrong way and not knowing how to fix them. I'm losing my grip on things daily and I think it's time I try harder. I will try harder, but dammit...will it be good enough.
I've been a shitty person, and I wish for pennace, I do. I need forgiveness and redemption..for years of pain I've wrought. Who can give me such forgiveness? Me, and only me really, but for some reason I won't do that. I think I need heavy drugs or therapy or some combo of both. I need to unravel the person I've become. I used to be a nice person, but now I'm just jaded and hateful. I think I thrived on it for so long. It's overcome me and I just wish for a cure. Not even a cure really just some treatment. My loved ones deserve so much more than what I've been giving them.
Is it possible to be redeemed? Or do we just have to live and suffer? It's really depressing to think that change is impossible. I have to find my faith again. I gave it all up when I got sick I think. I've not been the same since. Sometimes I wish I could go back to being that person. I was biologically abnormal, but at least I felt more sane back then. It's all in my head I know, I know.
I wish I could love stronger and harder and more pure. I wish I could remove the shackles of the past and become whole for once in my life. I fester, I rot and I shun the love of people that I should be embracing. How sad.
I pray to any diety that will heed my cry for help.