One Love
Maybe I should use this God forsaken thing.
It was created for a reason.
I don't know what the hell to do lately.
I'm so confused and lost at times.
I feel so much comfort online talking to Colin about the band and about the billions of ways I can help get their name out there and get them known. Him calling and talking about God knows what for ten minutes created this utter bliss. I don't have feelings for him because I know he has girls in Jersey, but he is always so positive and talking to him makes me feel good, like I'm a great person.
...I'm not
I wish I could do more with the band, drop my life here and move to Jersey. But what would that get me? If they don't pick it up this year Colin and Ron might leave the band so I'd have thrown life away for nothing.
What about school?
Gotta get that education and get a job to live the rest of my life doing... doing WHAT? I have no clue. I don't want to know.
Sometimes I think going to UMD and staying here was the WRONG move. It's too safe and I'm bigger than that, better. Maybe I should have gone to school in the cities, but then I think of the tradeoff. Studying abroad? God that would be SOOO invigorating. Getting out of here and experiencing more. I love Duluth, so much, but maybe I'm holding on too much.
Colin talked to me about learning how to book shows and quitting my job. What if I did get into that? It's good money and I would be involved with music. Is it terrible that I really want to go on tour with MFE and even just sell merch. But I'd get to travel the states and meet SO many people.
I hate that I'm such a closed person. People who know me know that I'm funny and spontaneous. But I can't do that around strangers really. I don't know how to make an impression. I'm too scared that people are gonna say, oh look at that fat girl over there. Why should I talk to her? I can't get passed the self-image thing.
I kind of feel like I'm back slidding. I used to be a pretty unhappy kid, but High School seemed to break down that wall and I've been a happy person ever since. It seems to be fading away.
Do me a favor if you read this?? Go to google video. Search "Free Hugs Campaign". The first time I watched that. I laughed, I smiled, I cried. I need someone like that in my life. Just spread love to those who lack it. I need a hug.
I'm so lost.
I just want someone to hold on to.
Someone to support me.
God I don't know what to do.
Help...Please.
It was created for a reason.
I don't know what the hell to do lately.
I'm so confused and lost at times.
I feel so much comfort online talking to Colin about the band and about the billions of ways I can help get their name out there and get them known. Him calling and talking about God knows what for ten minutes created this utter bliss. I don't have feelings for him because I know he has girls in Jersey, but he is always so positive and talking to him makes me feel good, like I'm a great person.
...I'm not
I wish I could do more with the band, drop my life here and move to Jersey. But what would that get me? If they don't pick it up this year Colin and Ron might leave the band so I'd have thrown life away for nothing.
What about school?
Gotta get that education and get a job to live the rest of my life doing... doing WHAT? I have no clue. I don't want to know.
Sometimes I think going to UMD and staying here was the WRONG move. It's too safe and I'm bigger than that, better. Maybe I should have gone to school in the cities, but then I think of the tradeoff. Studying abroad? God that would be SOOO invigorating. Getting out of here and experiencing more. I love Duluth, so much, but maybe I'm holding on too much.
Colin talked to me about learning how to book shows and quitting my job. What if I did get into that? It's good money and I would be involved with music. Is it terrible that I really want to go on tour with MFE and even just sell merch. But I'd get to travel the states and meet SO many people.
I hate that I'm such a closed person. People who know me know that I'm funny and spontaneous. But I can't do that around strangers really. I don't know how to make an impression. I'm too scared that people are gonna say, oh look at that fat girl over there. Why should I talk to her? I can't get passed the self-image thing.
I kind of feel like I'm back slidding. I used to be a pretty unhappy kid, but High School seemed to break down that wall and I've been a happy person ever since. It seems to be fading away.
Do me a favor if you read this?? Go to google video. Search "Free Hugs Campaign". The first time I watched that. I laughed, I smiled, I cried. I need someone like that in my life. Just spread love to those who lack it. I need a hug.
I'm so lost.
I just want someone to hold on to.
Someone to support me.
God I don't know what to do.
Help...Please.