Mar 19, 2005 18:17
all i can do is just sit and get angry and fusterated myself for everything. why do i blame myself though? this wasn't my fault, i didn't make him spend all of his money!! so why do i feel responsible for it? did i not try hard enough to make him stop? god i just wish this would all go away. i want to marry someone who is special, has a nice appearance but also not caring either. basically daivd but who dresses a little more appropriate. i hate this. so so so much! it makes me confused. i'm apprehensive about dating again b/c of 2 reasons. one is david, if it does work out b/t us then i want to make it work and get married, but also i don't want to date a bunch of losers just to find the one, again. and what if it's david and i lose out?! i really fucking hate this! i can't stand it! i almost get to the point that i'm irriate. and also i need to find a way to tell my parents. i mean how do you bring something like this up? "hey mom and dad, uh, david and i broke up last sunday! so what's for dinner?" yeah like that will work? god i wish life wasn't so complicated. i was absolutely fine before any of this, and my life wasn't that complicated. i just need to stop thinking about it. maybe casually dating someone wouldn't be a bad idea to get my mind off of all of this. but i do need to concentrate on school so i can up my GPA and HOPE GPA even though i have already been accepted and i also qualify for HOPE scholarship. i just need to focus on the future, and CSU! i really cannot wait. Katie and i need to get closer so that it's not weird when we start living together, i do wish like hell that Ashley were going with us, but you know it's her decision to go wherever she wants, and i know that she is going premieter and then transfering to GA State b/c that is where Josh is but by the time Josh is out Ashley will be entering. i guess it is closer to him in a way unless he moves. but things do change dramatically and fast. that i have learned. the hard way. i do need a prom date, which is a little sad b/c my senior prom and i won't have a date? god i'm so lame and pathetic.
also if anyone knows how i can put my background picture on my lj without it repeating or tiling like is now, please let me know. i can't figure it out! it would fantastic if anyone could let me know!