My first ever entry
So, here I am, tapping away at 23:11 because that's what I feel I need to do. I've been thinking for sometime now that I need to find a way to vent, to rant.... to just get everything off my chest. Is this the way? Who knows? But lets just give it a go.
I expect I shall go on and on about a load of crap, none of which will make any sense and it certainly wont be in any order.
I'm blogging, if you can call it that, because I feel low. I feel I have no one to turn to, no one that really listens and no one that really cares.
I mean, how blunt can I be? How better could I express my desire to die than "I want to die". This is what I've been telling my partner of 5 years, every other day for a good few weeks now.
You see we have recently had a baby. A Daughter. A beautiful, blue eyed girl. A soft and warm tiny human. I love her, however, I don't like her very much at times.
You see, this beautiful, soft, warm, tiny human hasn't had the best start in life. Certainly not the worst, by any account. But to me, its been hell.
She's got a milk protein intolerance. Shes got silent reflux, for which she is on regular medication and she has colic. She has been one unhappy baby. I picked up on her being poorly at around 2 weeks I guess. She would scream, an awful shrill, painful scream all day and night. Hours! Hours and hours she would scream. I took her to see the GP. He advised that she may be lactose intolerant. To try a new milk. "Brill" I thought. Get some different milk and all will be right in the world. Nope! 2 weeks, no change, only to be told that she was too young to be diagnosed with a lactose intolerance. Really restored my faith in the health care sector? Not! We continued to battle GPs until the first night I took her to A&E, I had called 111 after a 7 hour scream sesh, who asked me to take her straight down. 4 hours I sat there, at 1am, alone, with a screaming baby. I was in my pyjamas, covered in milk and sick. Finally we were admitted. Her and I spent the night on the childrens ward where she was monitered and diagnosed with silent reflux. Now, I'd forgotten to mention the part where we had been trialling our 5th milk powder by this point... the paediatrician says "this is not an intolerance, it is purely down to the reflux. Get started back on your usual powdered formula" (and be on your merry way!) That was that.
The next few days were hell. I KNEW this wasnt right. Yes she had the reflux but no, she wasn't not intolerant of that milk. With the continued support of my HV, we finally had her on a specialised formula and just like that, within a few days, we had a semi "normal" baby. And that wasn't even the beginning.
I expect I shall go on and on about a load of crap, none of which will make any sense and it certainly wont be in any order.
I'm blogging, if you can call it that, because I feel low. I feel I have no one to turn to, no one that really listens and no one that really cares.
I mean, how blunt can I be? How better could I express my desire to die than "I want to die". This is what I've been telling my partner of 5 years, every other day for a good few weeks now.
You see we have recently had a baby. A Daughter. A beautiful, blue eyed girl. A soft and warm tiny human. I love her, however, I don't like her very much at times.
You see, this beautiful, soft, warm, tiny human hasn't had the best start in life. Certainly not the worst, by any account. But to me, its been hell.
She's got a milk protein intolerance. Shes got silent reflux, for which she is on regular medication and she has colic. She has been one unhappy baby. I picked up on her being poorly at around 2 weeks I guess. She would scream, an awful shrill, painful scream all day and night. Hours! Hours and hours she would scream. I took her to see the GP. He advised that she may be lactose intolerant. To try a new milk. "Brill" I thought. Get some different milk and all will be right in the world. Nope! 2 weeks, no change, only to be told that she was too young to be diagnosed with a lactose intolerance. Really restored my faith in the health care sector? Not! We continued to battle GPs until the first night I took her to A&E, I had called 111 after a 7 hour scream sesh, who asked me to take her straight down. 4 hours I sat there, at 1am, alone, with a screaming baby. I was in my pyjamas, covered in milk and sick. Finally we were admitted. Her and I spent the night on the childrens ward where she was monitered and diagnosed with silent reflux. Now, I'd forgotten to mention the part where we had been trialling our 5th milk powder by this point... the paediatrician says "this is not an intolerance, it is purely down to the reflux. Get started back on your usual powdered formula" (and be on your merry way!) That was that.
The next few days were hell. I KNEW this wasnt right. Yes she had the reflux but no, she wasn't not intolerant of that milk. With the continued support of my HV, we finally had her on a specialised formula and just like that, within a few days, we had a semi "normal" baby. And that wasn't even the beginning.