first post
This isn't literally an unsent email in the sense that I meant to send it. It's just something I wrote that I wish I could send, or say, or both.
Dear _______,
You've thrown me into a bit of a panic, wondering if I've said the wrong thing. It kinda sucks to keep guessing. I realize most people don't keep in touch with a one-night stand after nearly a year (see, I laughed aloud even when I typed that!), but something made an impression when we met; something that I can't stop thinking about. I don't know what it means and maybe it's not a huge deal but I feel like it's a spark that I can't ignore. This intuitive feeling that I should not let you slip out of my life. I'm looking forward to seeing you again in less than 2 months, but part of me is scared too. I know it seems like I've been perhaps too persistent in my emails or too intense, but I feel like it's the only way to keep things going. I wasn't trying to put you off or weird you out, it's just that I genuinely enjoy you as a person, even though we only talked to each other for a few days and I'm sure there's a lot about you I don't know; similarly, a lot about me that you don't know. Well, I want to know, and I want you to know. (Because knowing is half the battle. GI JOE!!!) You can take that how you want. Also, I am aware that you're really busy and that's why I don't expect much. Even so, it hurts me when I don't hear back from you, if only because I'd like to know what you're up to and see what you're doing, considering we are in the same line of work.
Yeah... It sounds really stupid and I know it's a shot in the dark, but go figure...I guess that's just my style. There was just something about our time together that was so memorable, I felt compelled to keep in touch with you. I see you not only as a potential good friend (or perhaps more someday) but as a good contact to have out there while I try to find work. If I gave you the wrong impression by overwhelming you, I'm sorry, I was only trying to maintain contact, which is tough these days. You have to understand that for some strange reason, your brief presence in my life meant a hell of a lot to me. I know how lame that seems and god knows I don't usually pull this kind of thing with, and now I have to use that crude phrase again, "one-night stands". But somehow, I was struck by how matter of fact you were about me; about all these things that I thought would scare you away and didn't; the tattoos, the piercings, the crazy stories of the clubs I used to DJ at and the changes which have occurred in my life very recently. It really meant a lot to me to have someone who is more or less a stranger, accept me so easily on so many levels.
These are things that you might know only if I tell you because you might not even read this. Of all the crazy life experiences I have had, ours has wandered across my subconscious pretty often, perhaps because our job descriptions are very similar; in that respect, we have a common thread. Maybe you're playing it safe until you see me again and we can actually have a real conversation, maybe you're not huge on emails. Both of these I can understand. Maybe you're as unsure as I am and that's cool too. Hell, I just want to know. I never even meant to get all stuck on this until suddenly I realized that there hasn't been anybody since and in so many ways, it's because you set a new standard in my mind, a new ideal. Something about the time we had made me realize that I have to think more carefully about what I want and how it happens. I think I actually told you, "I don't usually do this" and it's true, I don't. The fact that I let my guard down with you has really resonated within me as something that is more than what it seems.
I doubt you feel the same way, or maybe it faded with time if you did. And that's okay. But I think that when we see each other again, something could click again. It would make things a hell of a lot easier now if I had an idea of what is going on with you.
Or I can wait until late October and make my apology for being impatient with your emails, fearing that I have fucked things all up. And I'm sure we will talk it out face to face and things will either fall apart or come together. For now, I probably won't know, and neither will you. For now, this email is for me; an outline of my attempt to build a new connection. See you in October, maybe we'll steal some hotel soap again.
Dear _______,
You've thrown me into a bit of a panic, wondering if I've said the wrong thing. It kinda sucks to keep guessing. I realize most people don't keep in touch with a one-night stand after nearly a year (see, I laughed aloud even when I typed that!), but something made an impression when we met; something that I can't stop thinking about. I don't know what it means and maybe it's not a huge deal but I feel like it's a spark that I can't ignore. This intuitive feeling that I should not let you slip out of my life. I'm looking forward to seeing you again in less than 2 months, but part of me is scared too. I know it seems like I've been perhaps too persistent in my emails or too intense, but I feel like it's the only way to keep things going. I wasn't trying to put you off or weird you out, it's just that I genuinely enjoy you as a person, even though we only talked to each other for a few days and I'm sure there's a lot about you I don't know; similarly, a lot about me that you don't know. Well, I want to know, and I want you to know. (Because knowing is half the battle. GI JOE!!!) You can take that how you want. Also, I am aware that you're really busy and that's why I don't expect much. Even so, it hurts me when I don't hear back from you, if only because I'd like to know what you're up to and see what you're doing, considering we are in the same line of work.
Yeah... It sounds really stupid and I know it's a shot in the dark, but go figure...I guess that's just my style. There was just something about our time together that was so memorable, I felt compelled to keep in touch with you. I see you not only as a potential good friend (or perhaps more someday) but as a good contact to have out there while I try to find work. If I gave you the wrong impression by overwhelming you, I'm sorry, I was only trying to maintain contact, which is tough these days. You have to understand that for some strange reason, your brief presence in my life meant a hell of a lot to me. I know how lame that seems and god knows I don't usually pull this kind of thing with, and now I have to use that crude phrase again, "one-night stands". But somehow, I was struck by how matter of fact you were about me; about all these things that I thought would scare you away and didn't; the tattoos, the piercings, the crazy stories of the clubs I used to DJ at and the changes which have occurred in my life very recently. It really meant a lot to me to have someone who is more or less a stranger, accept me so easily on so many levels.
These are things that you might know only if I tell you because you might not even read this. Of all the crazy life experiences I have had, ours has wandered across my subconscious pretty often, perhaps because our job descriptions are very similar; in that respect, we have a common thread. Maybe you're playing it safe until you see me again and we can actually have a real conversation, maybe you're not huge on emails. Both of these I can understand. Maybe you're as unsure as I am and that's cool too. Hell, I just want to know. I never even meant to get all stuck on this until suddenly I realized that there hasn't been anybody since and in so many ways, it's because you set a new standard in my mind, a new ideal. Something about the time we had made me realize that I have to think more carefully about what I want and how it happens. I think I actually told you, "I don't usually do this" and it's true, I don't. The fact that I let my guard down with you has really resonated within me as something that is more than what it seems.
I doubt you feel the same way, or maybe it faded with time if you did. And that's okay. But I think that when we see each other again, something could click again. It would make things a hell of a lot easier now if I had an idea of what is going on with you.
Or I can wait until late October and make my apology for being impatient with your emails, fearing that I have fucked things all up. And I'm sure we will talk it out face to face and things will either fall apart or come together. For now, I probably won't know, and neither will you. For now, this email is for me; an outline of my attempt to build a new connection. See you in October, maybe we'll steal some hotel soap again.