(no subject)
Dear you,
I hate you. I hate you so much right now. I hate you because I love you. It was really quite easy for me to end it. Because I hate you.
You talk about trust, and how I've never trusted you, but I have. It wasn't a very good type of trust because I could only trust you so much. Only when you were around people I knew or just me. But I can see that was wrong. I couldn't even trust you around me. You asked for trust, but how can I trust you when you do this right in front of my eyes? You don't even realize when you're doing something wrong. And you complain that I've never trusted you. Well, if I haven't, I was right for not doing so.
Was it worth it? Was dancing with him really worth throwing away the two years we spent together? Was feeling the stink of his breath and his hands on your body really worth it? You knew I could see you. And you didn't care. It was right as rain to you.
All those fucking friends I asked you not to see, you can see them now. I'm sure they weren't bad people; they weren't crackheads or addicts. But they were a threat to us because a lot of them liked you, you see? They wanted me out of the picture as little as I was in it, and you thought that I was being controlling. That I was your mother. Ha. You were my top priority, my love for a lifetime, but I wasn't the same for you. I would have stopped being with friends who might endanger our relationship, but I didn't have any friends like that to begin with. I see now that I was right for not trusting you around them.
When does it make sense to fraternize with people who want to pull you away from the person you love with all your heart? Never in my book. When do you get intimate with someone who wants you and who isn't the one you've been saying you love for the longest time? Never. But I guess I just wasn't that important. I just wasn't enough to keep you interested.
He was the second one. I broke up with you the first time because you thought about being with another after saying that you love me to my face. That hurt. That hurt beyond words. But this... this is just my hate for you now. "I just wanted to have fun at the dance." Fuck you. I danced with you until you walked away from me or stopped because you thought that you couldn't dance. I stepped back onto the dance floor waiting for you to follow me... But I looked back to see you talking to him. Close. I saw you doing that earlier and I got suspicious, but I blamed it on the loud music. But this time, you were outside. I can read people, that's why I'm going for a psychology degree. I could read you. I could read him. I felt badly. But then you came onto the dance floor with him, and danced. Danced close. At some time, it even looked as if you were kissing. And that's when I took off.
You are a monster and harlot. And I should've seen it coming. I was in my car, ready to leave. I wanted to make it home. I wanted to scream at you at the top of my lungs, but our friends were there. I didn't want to complicate them either. But they complicated themselves. Kerry, David, and Joey came to me, and forced their way into the explosion of my mind. I broke my glasses and my key ring. I screamed an earthquake. I broke a handicap sign. And when it was all done, was it better? No. It was bottled up once again, which is why I'm writing this.
I hate you, harlot. I hate you because I love you. And it's funny how only those you love can hurt you so badly. I want to burn everything you've ever touched, but that would be a slew of felonious acts. Suicide and arson. I want to chop off my ears to prevent myself from hearing any songs I loved you with. I want to move away from this room of memories. I want to cut out my tongue to stop repeating words you've heard. I hate you, harlot.
I hope you're happy with your new friends, the ones I've asked you to not see. You liked them more anyway. I am a controlling, emotional, unattractive, little shit to you. And although you'd like to deny that, you're just a liar. You're just the fucking best liar I've ever loved. To lie is to say something and not mean it. Well, I guess that's just it.
Love with all my heart,
John
I hate you. I hate you so much right now. I hate you because I love you. It was really quite easy for me to end it. Because I hate you.
You talk about trust, and how I've never trusted you, but I have. It wasn't a very good type of trust because I could only trust you so much. Only when you were around people I knew or just me. But I can see that was wrong. I couldn't even trust you around me. You asked for trust, but how can I trust you when you do this right in front of my eyes? You don't even realize when you're doing something wrong. And you complain that I've never trusted you. Well, if I haven't, I was right for not doing so.
Was it worth it? Was dancing with him really worth throwing away the two years we spent together? Was feeling the stink of his breath and his hands on your body really worth it? You knew I could see you. And you didn't care. It was right as rain to you.
All those fucking friends I asked you not to see, you can see them now. I'm sure they weren't bad people; they weren't crackheads or addicts. But they were a threat to us because a lot of them liked you, you see? They wanted me out of the picture as little as I was in it, and you thought that I was being controlling. That I was your mother. Ha. You were my top priority, my love for a lifetime, but I wasn't the same for you. I would have stopped being with friends who might endanger our relationship, but I didn't have any friends like that to begin with. I see now that I was right for not trusting you around them.
When does it make sense to fraternize with people who want to pull you away from the person you love with all your heart? Never in my book. When do you get intimate with someone who wants you and who isn't the one you've been saying you love for the longest time? Never. But I guess I just wasn't that important. I just wasn't enough to keep you interested.
He was the second one. I broke up with you the first time because you thought about being with another after saying that you love me to my face. That hurt. That hurt beyond words. But this... this is just my hate for you now. "I just wanted to have fun at the dance." Fuck you. I danced with you until you walked away from me or stopped because you thought that you couldn't dance. I stepped back onto the dance floor waiting for you to follow me... But I looked back to see you talking to him. Close. I saw you doing that earlier and I got suspicious, but I blamed it on the loud music. But this time, you were outside. I can read people, that's why I'm going for a psychology degree. I could read you. I could read him. I felt badly. But then you came onto the dance floor with him, and danced. Danced close. At some time, it even looked as if you were kissing. And that's when I took off.
You are a monster and harlot. And I should've seen it coming. I was in my car, ready to leave. I wanted to make it home. I wanted to scream at you at the top of my lungs, but our friends were there. I didn't want to complicate them either. But they complicated themselves. Kerry, David, and Joey came to me, and forced their way into the explosion of my mind. I broke my glasses and my key ring. I screamed an earthquake. I broke a handicap sign. And when it was all done, was it better? No. It was bottled up once again, which is why I'm writing this.
I hate you, harlot. I hate you because I love you. And it's funny how only those you love can hurt you so badly. I want to burn everything you've ever touched, but that would be a slew of felonious acts. Suicide and arson. I want to chop off my ears to prevent myself from hearing any songs I loved you with. I want to move away from this room of memories. I want to cut out my tongue to stop repeating words you've heard. I hate you, harlot.
I hope you're happy with your new friends, the ones I've asked you to not see. You liked them more anyway. I am a controlling, emotional, unattractive, little shit to you. And although you'd like to deny that, you're just a liar. You're just the fucking best liar I've ever loved. To lie is to say something and not mean it. Well, I guess that's just it.
Love with all my heart,
John