(no subject)
Blah. The semester is almost over, I've only got to finals next week, but I am scribing three at work. I don't really know how I feel about this semester. I'm much happier with the suite mates I have now, the drama is very minimal compared to last year which is amazing, but it's tough living with only three other people, I think that despite the drama I liked having a larger group of people to hang out with was so much better. I don't really want to go home for break at all. I don't really like that many people at home any more and I would honestly rather spend my time alone. It's an awful feeling dreading going back to your home. I just really wish I had a job to pass most of the time, at least then I would have a legitimate reason to tell people I don't want to see them. And, I mean, it's not everyone, it's just a lot of people.
My biggest fear is not being able to go to the gym. We have a treadmill in my basement, but I am convinced that it doesn't work, although my mom and my sister say that it does. Either way, I know I can't work out as much as I would like because I have a bad knee and just running hurts it quite a bit. I need the ellipticals so I can get a good cardio in without such impact on my knees. I also know that the second I go home I am going to start eating all the awful things I am able to avoid eating while I'm at school, and I always end up eating so much more than I do when I'm here.
Ahhh. This is NOT the right time for me to start getting depressed again. I just don't know what to do with myself. I can't even stand being around most people. I know that I'm going to get into a fight with at least one person when I go home, and I'm pretty sure I know exactly who it is. It's going to be awful and stupid and I don't want to deal with it. I seriously hate drama now, I hate listening to people say shit about other people and I hate when people make such small things such big deals. I mean honestly, I can't even comprehend some of the things people find to complain about, especially when it has to do with someone doing something nice for them. That person didn't have to be nice to you, so don't complain about it, just take it for what it is, mistakes and all. Nothing is perfect.
I'm really lonely, but it's my own fault. I get invited to go out and I just never want to. I feel like I'm sixteen years old all over again.
My biggest fear is not being able to go to the gym. We have a treadmill in my basement, but I am convinced that it doesn't work, although my mom and my sister say that it does. Either way, I know I can't work out as much as I would like because I have a bad knee and just running hurts it quite a bit. I need the ellipticals so I can get a good cardio in without such impact on my knees. I also know that the second I go home I am going to start eating all the awful things I am able to avoid eating while I'm at school, and I always end up eating so much more than I do when I'm here.
Ahhh. This is NOT the right time for me to start getting depressed again. I just don't know what to do with myself. I can't even stand being around most people. I know that I'm going to get into a fight with at least one person when I go home, and I'm pretty sure I know exactly who it is. It's going to be awful and stupid and I don't want to deal with it. I seriously hate drama now, I hate listening to people say shit about other people and I hate when people make such small things such big deals. I mean honestly, I can't even comprehend some of the things people find to complain about, especially when it has to do with someone doing something nice for them. That person didn't have to be nice to you, so don't complain about it, just take it for what it is, mistakes and all. Nothing is perfect.
I'm really lonely, but it's my own fault. I get invited to go out and I just never want to. I feel like I'm sixteen years old all over again.