Simply Disgusted.
Loss of sleep has brought me here.
I can't seem to rest. Thoughts invading my mind leaving me longing for a pen and paper.
I'm so tired of so many things.
NOTHING HAS CHANGED.
- Three years...three years and we're all doing the same thing. Some of us have made some few advances, but as for the majority of "us" we are all who we were only now we have different perspectives. So that suddenly makes you a different person.? Ha. Nothing has changed I swear. It's all the same old non sense.
I used to hold this all so dear. I cherished every party as if it were my last knowing that that has been the glue that keeps us all together. The only time that everyone can be together in one room for an entire night is when there's alcohol involved and it's pathetic. Sickening. I'm sick. God I am so sick of it.
And yet I love the night life. The raising of glasses. The toasts to "friendship". We've all been living a lie and I fear that I am the only one that sees it...or at least the only one who's willing to admit it and take it just for what it is. We've all been friends for so long that this is what we've become. No one has truly moved on because in some sick twisted way we all need to cling to each other. "If we go down we go down together."
And that's where I am. I'm at the point where this can't be my life. I can't take part in this. Or at least not until I have a new foundation and my life in order. Doing it now and staying here with these people is going to leave me stranded and ambition-less. I seek motivation. I'm finally finding it in me again and i will not allow anyone to take that away from me.
I love you but you do nothing for me.
As sad as that is to say it's so damn true. And it hurts like hell. Stings the soul a bit. But it's the truth. I wish that I could say that you've all been with me through it all...well you have but you never knew. You never cared to. We were all going through some tough shit at the same time and that's when we became so tightly wound. We knew what the other was feeling. But only a select few even have the slightest idea of what I went through. what I experienced. How I felt. It hurts to think that I have spent 3 years calling you all my friends only to realize that you don't even know me. I only wish that you did. I really do.
I am everything that you're not.
I will not be confined to this mentality of complacency that you are all stuck in.
Open your eyes.
Before it's too late.
another year will pass by and you all will still be there. I can see it now. I don't feel like I will be missing anything at all really. It's all been done. I know what to expect. And maybe that's why it's so hard to leave. Predictability. I know what to expect each and every time. I feel myself growing ill with this taste that the last 3 years have left me with.
It was all a joke.
I could have been doing something with my life. Instead I got sucked into this ever so appealing life style.
It ends tonight.
I am above reproach.
I deserve so much more than this.
So I'm leaving with or without you. I have a feeling I will be walking alone.
Goodbye friends.
I knew ye well.
I will always love you more than you will ever be able to possibly fathom.
<3 <3 <3
I can't seem to rest. Thoughts invading my mind leaving me longing for a pen and paper.
I'm so tired of so many things.
NOTHING HAS CHANGED.
- Three years...three years and we're all doing the same thing. Some of us have made some few advances, but as for the majority of "us" we are all who we were only now we have different perspectives. So that suddenly makes you a different person.? Ha. Nothing has changed I swear. It's all the same old non sense.
I used to hold this all so dear. I cherished every party as if it were my last knowing that that has been the glue that keeps us all together. The only time that everyone can be together in one room for an entire night is when there's alcohol involved and it's pathetic. Sickening. I'm sick. God I am so sick of it.
And yet I love the night life. The raising of glasses. The toasts to "friendship". We've all been living a lie and I fear that I am the only one that sees it...or at least the only one who's willing to admit it and take it just for what it is. We've all been friends for so long that this is what we've become. No one has truly moved on because in some sick twisted way we all need to cling to each other. "If we go down we go down together."
And that's where I am. I'm at the point where this can't be my life. I can't take part in this. Or at least not until I have a new foundation and my life in order. Doing it now and staying here with these people is going to leave me stranded and ambition-less. I seek motivation. I'm finally finding it in me again and i will not allow anyone to take that away from me.
I love you but you do nothing for me.
As sad as that is to say it's so damn true. And it hurts like hell. Stings the soul a bit. But it's the truth. I wish that I could say that you've all been with me through it all...well you have but you never knew. You never cared to. We were all going through some tough shit at the same time and that's when we became so tightly wound. We knew what the other was feeling. But only a select few even have the slightest idea of what I went through. what I experienced. How I felt. It hurts to think that I have spent 3 years calling you all my friends only to realize that you don't even know me. I only wish that you did. I really do.
I am everything that you're not.
I will not be confined to this mentality of complacency that you are all stuck in.
Open your eyes.
Before it's too late.
another year will pass by and you all will still be there. I can see it now. I don't feel like I will be missing anything at all really. It's all been done. I know what to expect. And maybe that's why it's so hard to leave. Predictability. I know what to expect each and every time. I feel myself growing ill with this taste that the last 3 years have left me with.
It was all a joke.
I could have been doing something with my life. Instead I got sucked into this ever so appealing life style.
It ends tonight.
I am above reproach.
I deserve so much more than this.
So I'm leaving with or without you. I have a feeling I will be walking alone.
Goodbye friends.
I knew ye well.
I will always love you more than you will ever be able to possibly fathom.
<3 <3 <3