holding pattern
My life feels stuck in a holding pattern. I strive to be positive and think positively but it feels as if I'm stuck. Creating ideas and planning out ways to act on them was somethin i did so mich more during all my years as a student. That was when i had some of my best thoughts. And now o come home and turn on the tv. I'm not goong to lay the blame on TV fully, more of stating that I recognize i use it to escape. To hide from the mental work challenges and not think about them at home because work shouldnt be brought home, it's my time and i wont have it interruptes by work thoughts. It's depressing. I always had more drive as a student. With syllabuses and deadlines helping me tostay productive. I thought that the change o jobs would open up my life. Sure i work full day fridays now instead of half but fetting out earlier is nice. Or so i thought before i got here and now i still crutch around with my friend tv.
Even though i did get out on my bike today, I wasn't productive enough. I didn't sucessfully do anything with my time. My time feels less fulfilled if it doesn't involve tasks or people.
I would like to know where this anxiety came from. Or if it was always there and i disn't notice because as a kid and later an older student most things were planned by others outside myself and it was acceptable for me to do nothing? And for some reason i internally shifted my thoughts about actively doing nothing but hven't learned how to truly facilitate my own use of time in a productive but relaxin way.
Even though i did get out on my bike today, I wasn't productive enough. I didn't sucessfully do anything with my time. My time feels less fulfilled if it doesn't involve tasks or people.
I would like to know where this anxiety came from. Or if it was always there and i disn't notice because as a kid and later an older student most things were planned by others outside myself and it was acceptable for me to do nothing? And for some reason i internally shifted my thoughts about actively doing nothing but hven't learned how to truly facilitate my own use of time in a productive but relaxin way.