hopelessly emo right now, deal with it
january 8th
Have you ever...
*Hit someone forcefully* yes, of course!.
*Seen "Are you Afraid of the Dark"* yes, and I was very scared. I turned of the TV the first tiem I watched it because … I was scared. I was a wimpy lil child.
*Thrown anything at a moving car* … I don’t think so. Actually I think I might have thrown myself at a moving car … but slowly moving. I don’t know.
*Been in a fist fight* Nope. I don’t think so.
*Laughed so hard you cried* Yeah … I do it a lot. My friends rock.
*Hit an animal in the road* Yeah. Sadly. Bleh, I felt really bad about it … well at least I think I hit something, I’m not sure. And I would have stopped to see but it was trafficy and I was late and passed out.
*Who do you sit with at lunch* … Usually I kick it at Crosby’s room. With Melody, Satbir, Tim and them. And Hasel and Jen. Sometimes Wynn and Marvin. Then I also kick it with Stephu.
*Do you think Justin Timberlake is hot or not* NO!!!.. arghh
*Favorite shoes you own* I don’t really have any. … My bloody ones!! 15 mile walk!
*What color would you dye your hair* I already have. Multiple times. Next time .. hmm I dunno, I’ll figure it out
*Who are you closest friends* Teri, Sara, Stephu, Vaish, James, Alan … and all those people, I kick it with.
*What is something you wish you could have that someone else has* … right now my life is perfect. Well … I wish I could have a 1600 on my SATs
*Favorite TV show* The Simpsons
*Make-up or none* yeah make up is good! .. I like putting it on and it makes me pretty .. hehe
*Do you believe we landed on the moon* … uhm, I think I do. I never thought we didn’t. … but then again, I don’t really believe anything unless I see it. But it would be a pretty stupid thing to make up, since with technology it is probable to land on the moon now.
*What are you wearing now* I’m wearing my south pole baby blue sweatshirt (that I just bought!!) and my in-home comfy pants
*What song is stuck in your head* last prophets were stuck in my head, but now im listening to blink
Junk...
*How old are you mentally* I’m not really sure. Sometimes I act like I’m 2, but I actually think of myself as 18. Weird, no?
*Describe yourself in 5 words* I am weird, crazy, wild.
*Do you remember your dreams* Yes, like tonight I had a dream that I smoked pot. Weird shit.
*Do you sleep with one pillow or two* One really long pillow and lucy, my doggie… I love you stephU!!
*Do you like school* Not really, but depends. Sometimes I don’t really mind it that much.
*Whats ur fave subject* Psychology :D
*Do you have a best friend(s)* Of course. I’m part of teraline, carishali, and the pimp crew :D
*Do you have a religion* .. not really, I have my own religion, in which I just do whatever I do and hope it all works out in the end.
*Do you practice it* .. not really. Well I do. I don’t know. Stop it. GO away! lol
*Does death scare you* … sometimes. Depends. I try not to think about it all that much. I like living.
*Do you watch tons of tv* not as of late. I used to a lot, now I don’t have time.
*How many times have you been to the movies in the past 6 months* A LOT. Too many too count.
*Do you read magazines* Yup. I still have to finish reading YM.
*Whats your fave band* I love smashing pumpkins
*Name 3 cds that youve bought in that last year* Blink … uhm.. green wheel .. .well I don’t really buy CDs, I burn them. I kinda “bought” the Used.
*Do you wear makeup regularly* not every day, but … usally when I go out and I want to impress someone.
*Are you a saver or a spender* .. a little bit of both. I try to save and spend. Well I save to spend.
*Which 5 people do you trust and are open with the most* Teri, Vaish, Sara, Stephu
*Can you live without the microwave* I think so. I don’t really eat all that much.
*Would you rather eat sandwiches or pasta for the rest of your life* sandwiches. More options
*Football or rugb*: rubgy …
*What's something you ALWAYS have on you* my wedding ring .. lol.
*What do you think of guys with nailpolishes* black nail polish on guys is HOT
*What's your favorite fastfood restaurant* i dont like fast food
*Favorite book* uhm.. hmmm, anything by Anne Rice
*Did you read Fear Street books* DUDE. YES. I LOVE FEAR STREET. Haha.
*How about Sweet Valley High* NO EWWW
*Babysitter's club* HHAHA OMG YEAH ::memories:: it was so sad when they split up.. and then it was never the same again. It really really really sucked. Oh well, I guess things change hehe.
*Goosebumps* ::more memories::
*Favorite show on nickelodeon (can be from the late 80's/early 90's when nick was good)* RUGRATS!! Totally. Ah. I miss that show. Hahaha. I actually watched a newer episode of theirs about Kwanzaa, it was pretty cool
*Favorite cereal* hmmm.. Krispix
*Favorite 80's television show* SimpSONS! I love the older episodes!!
*Do you think the grinch movie starring jim carrey was a waste of money* .. I never saw it. Sorry.
*What do you want for your birthday this year* a 1600 on my SATs… or a new cd player. … or a new computer … or an iPod. Lol. Okay I want a lot...
*What movie could you watch a million times and never get tired of* the matrix!
*What movie do you hope you never see again* hmmm, I dunno. I havent seen that many bad movies.
*What's the best restaurant you've ever eaten at* I don’t know. Cheesecake Factory!! I want to go there on my bday!! :D
*What is the one thing in the world that just looking at it makes you vomit, or come close to it* aspirin, lots of lots of aspirin.
*Do your clothes match* .. lol not really. Apparently I don’t have a style
*Did you have a bike with a banana seat( I don’t think so. lol
*Could you ride it* uhm.. eh. What da fuck is a banana seat?
*Have you lived in the same house your entire life* nopers. Ive never actually lived in a house
*What was the last song u heard* I’m listening to Violence by Blink right now
*Find anything good on sale lately* Yeah, my skirt! 20 bucks!
*If you won the lottery, what would you do* I don’t know. Lol buy a cd player. And a computer and an iPod. I really want the sound to work on my computer again grrr
*How old is your tomagotchi* haha OMG I remember those things. Mine are all dead because I haven’t bought new batteries. I should start up the craze all over again. … or not.
*Ever seen a Beatles film* nopers.
*Happy with your life* INCREDIBLY!!!
february 8
Let me start off with that I love my friends... and that theres a lot more pics but i must first get it developped.. (I don't have a digi camera, i'm cool!). Last couple of days as usual have been eventful...
Fri Night ~
after work, party at Stephu's house, I didn't get there until way after 10 ... I think. But it was so much fun... as always. Lots of PICTURES! I love pictures, I need more pictures. The midnight walk was the best ... we skipped down the hill, pinkies linked, saying we would be friends forever.... it was the best, hands down (hehe). i love my friends so much and i'm SO SUPER glad they are my friends!!
i'm so grateful for like everything that has happened in my life lately... and im so grateful for stephu and EVERYONE because they make my life so wonderful and so complete... friends are the most important people in my life.. and i cant wait until thte day, i move out of my house and theres nothing but friends in my life (grr i dont like parents!!!) and i hope that our lil group (the one above), i hope that we all stay friends, and that everyone is wrong and that in college we don't get separated because i don't htink its possible to find any better friends than them... i may quite possibly be the luckiest girl right now ~ i certainly feel so... and i have all of you (you know who you are) to thank for it..
<3 :D
August 8
We have one day left. Oh god. I can't even stand to think about that. *sigh* It feels like everything is so unresolved...... and I dunno. It's like everything started out so differently, I guess. I've changed so much. And after Caitlin came... I dunno. I love everyone here so much... Jenn, Miki, and Eddy ... out of everyone, I think they're the ones that mean the most to me. And having to leave .... man. Me and Miki were talking about it ... and I want to stay here. I mean I miss people back home, but ... I want here. I need here. I need ... to stay. Im so bittersweetly happy and sad. Oh god. I'm never going to be able to smoke w/o bursting into tears, I swear. Uhm, Aaron needs to use the computer, I willl finish this later. Okay, he just walked out of the room. mmmmm but anyway, I have to go!!!!!! ... hehe. I think I'm going to go upstairs... study all of tonight.
September 8
sooo, today good.. and im happy
after school, i went with melo and nima to do homework at starbux. lol, for some reason phyiscs was deliriously fun. oh god melody and nima scare me sometimes. A LOT.
i still have some work left to do.
jer made an entry on his xanga partly about me.
i swear my past ... lately. oh well.
the present is wonderful! it hurts to be so far awy from aaron ... but i believe in us. its the only thing i really do believe in.
i have six classes w/nima, its pretty cool. well actually i have a lot of classes w/a lot of ppl. at least four w/everyone.
i'm not looking forward to graduation. or the ending of this year. this is ... senior yr. it seems so ... i dunt know. its going to end.. and college .. and just everything is overwhelming. and i love so many people ... that i know im going to end up losing someone.
but ... its funny cos now i realize a lot of things are totally inconsequential. like .. i doubt ill remember most things when i look back at high school.
but i know ill always remember aaron.
and stephu. and nima.
well okay ill remember a lot nevermind. ill rmbr ppl, but ... all the different little things that happened that were a big deal... even now im like i dont care.
especially in relationships.
all the crushes and the "hearbreaks" ... what really broke my heart was ... me. me when the whole thing w/me and aaron fell through. maybe that too will fade ... it should .. im so happy w/him now. oh god so happy.
hopefully gravity hill this friday. thomas got ... mad? .. bah i dont realyl wanna go. its lost its appeal. maybe i went as a memory to him, but now ... i dont remember things frm our relationship [ hahha oh god ironically, thats wha i wanted when i deleted all my entries on my LJ of him .. ah i know myself well ]. eh. plus it really IS dangerous.. and i dont wanna put ppl in danger. plus id have to drive up tehre.. and find it agian. IM LAZY leave me alone.
eh we'll c..
ahhh im soo happy. well b/c of aaron. also b/c at school thigns are going well. me and nima are back to being close friends, which ... makes me feel better? i dunt know why, maybe last yr us not talking was a looming shadow.. bah who knows. but loose ends have been tied up.
me and thomas are OVER. case closed. the end. THANK GOD
me and freddy are OVER. case closed. the end. thank god!
i know jer doesnt want to be friends [so i wont try] and hes still sorta hurt. ill avoid him to make it better. [ and as for us EVER getting back together, oh god.. negative numbers on that ]
me and nima ... are okay! yay
me and everyone else is okay.
i dont remember why im mad at mitchell.. so it doesnt matter!
senior year is fnally here!
i'm getting a job!
so yay for loose ends. and just as long as everything stays okay. and it will. b/c ... well b/c im okay.
okay so maybe i had a nervious break down yesterday, but im handling it better. i still get angry at myself ... but i need to stop. and for once its not b/c somebodys telling me to. but its because im tired of always cutting. as much as i have said its not that bad ... theres better ways of handling ur problems. sleep is one of them.
oh god. im so damn freaking happy. maybe its just my crazy mood swings.. maybe its just the thought that im going to see aaron sooN! or maybe its finally FINALLY allowing myself to let go... and MAYBE its b/c the two friendships i thought were fucked over for life.. or maybe three? who knows, maybe they can EXIST.. w/o being more than just friendships. in fact i think they can!
its good forging friendships. friends are my life. its kinda sad. w/o my friends im nothing. so thank you ... for loving me... despite.. despite everything or maybe because of it! hehehe
okay going happy emo! imma go do homework! b/c heck im motivated.. and not cos i want to do in good school .. but simply for the fact i want to ... learn ... ah im such a weirdo.
... *sigh* need to be less emo. NOW
Have you ever...
*Hit someone forcefully* yes, of course!.
*Seen "Are you Afraid of the Dark"* yes, and I was very scared. I turned of the TV the first tiem I watched it because … I was scared. I was a wimpy lil child.
*Thrown anything at a moving car* … I don’t think so. Actually I think I might have thrown myself at a moving car … but slowly moving. I don’t know.
*Been in a fist fight* Nope. I don’t think so.
*Laughed so hard you cried* Yeah … I do it a lot. My friends rock.
*Hit an animal in the road* Yeah. Sadly. Bleh, I felt really bad about it … well at least I think I hit something, I’m not sure. And I would have stopped to see but it was trafficy and I was late and passed out.
*Who do you sit with at lunch* … Usually I kick it at Crosby’s room. With Melody, Satbir, Tim and them. And Hasel and Jen. Sometimes Wynn and Marvin. Then I also kick it with Stephu.
*Do you think Justin Timberlake is hot or not* NO!!!.. arghh
*Favorite shoes you own* I don’t really have any. … My bloody ones!! 15 mile walk!
*What color would you dye your hair* I already have. Multiple times. Next time .. hmm I dunno, I’ll figure it out
*Who are you closest friends* Teri, Sara, Stephu, Vaish, James, Alan … and all those people, I kick it with.
*What is something you wish you could have that someone else has* … right now my life is perfect. Well … I wish I could have a 1600 on my SATs
*Favorite TV show* The Simpsons
*Make-up or none* yeah make up is good! .. I like putting it on and it makes me pretty .. hehe
*Do you believe we landed on the moon* … uhm, I think I do. I never thought we didn’t. … but then again, I don’t really believe anything unless I see it. But it would be a pretty stupid thing to make up, since with technology it is probable to land on the moon now.
*What are you wearing now* I’m wearing my south pole baby blue sweatshirt (that I just bought!!) and my in-home comfy pants
*What song is stuck in your head* last prophets were stuck in my head, but now im listening to blink
Junk...
*How old are you mentally* I’m not really sure. Sometimes I act like I’m 2, but I actually think of myself as 18. Weird, no?
*Describe yourself in 5 words* I am weird, crazy, wild.
*Do you remember your dreams* Yes, like tonight I had a dream that I smoked pot. Weird shit.
*Do you sleep with one pillow or two* One really long pillow and lucy, my doggie… I love you stephU!!
*Do you like school* Not really, but depends. Sometimes I don’t really mind it that much.
*Whats ur fave subject* Psychology :D
*Do you have a best friend(s)* Of course. I’m part of teraline, carishali, and the pimp crew :D
*Do you have a religion* .. not really, I have my own religion, in which I just do whatever I do and hope it all works out in the end.
*Do you practice it* .. not really. Well I do. I don’t know. Stop it. GO away! lol
*Does death scare you* … sometimes. Depends. I try not to think about it all that much. I like living.
*Do you watch tons of tv* not as of late. I used to a lot, now I don’t have time.
*How many times have you been to the movies in the past 6 months* A LOT. Too many too count.
*Do you read magazines* Yup. I still have to finish reading YM.
*Whats your fave band* I love smashing pumpkins
*Name 3 cds that youve bought in that last year* Blink … uhm.. green wheel .. .well I don’t really buy CDs, I burn them. I kinda “bought” the Used.
*Do you wear makeup regularly* not every day, but … usally when I go out and I want to impress someone.
*Are you a saver or a spender* .. a little bit of both. I try to save and spend. Well I save to spend.
*Which 5 people do you trust and are open with the most* Teri, Vaish, Sara, Stephu
*Can you live without the microwave* I think so. I don’t really eat all that much.
*Would you rather eat sandwiches or pasta for the rest of your life* sandwiches. More options
*Football or rugb*: rubgy …
*What's something you ALWAYS have on you* my wedding ring .. lol.
*What do you think of guys with nailpolishes* black nail polish on guys is HOT
*What's your favorite fastfood restaurant* i dont like fast food
*Favorite book* uhm.. hmmm, anything by Anne Rice
*Did you read Fear Street books* DUDE. YES. I LOVE FEAR STREET. Haha.
*How about Sweet Valley High* NO EWWW
*Babysitter's club* HHAHA OMG YEAH ::memories:: it was so sad when they split up.. and then it was never the same again. It really really really sucked. Oh well, I guess things change hehe.
*Goosebumps* ::more memories::
*Favorite show on nickelodeon (can be from the late 80's/early 90's when nick was good)* RUGRATS!! Totally. Ah. I miss that show. Hahaha. I actually watched a newer episode of theirs about Kwanzaa, it was pretty cool
*Favorite cereal* hmmm.. Krispix
*Favorite 80's television show* SimpSONS! I love the older episodes!!
*Do you think the grinch movie starring jim carrey was a waste of money* .. I never saw it. Sorry.
*What do you want for your birthday this year* a 1600 on my SATs… or a new cd player. … or a new computer … or an iPod. Lol. Okay I want a lot...
*What movie could you watch a million times and never get tired of* the matrix!
*What movie do you hope you never see again* hmmm, I dunno. I havent seen that many bad movies.
*What's the best restaurant you've ever eaten at* I don’t know. Cheesecake Factory!! I want to go there on my bday!! :D
*What is the one thing in the world that just looking at it makes you vomit, or come close to it* aspirin, lots of lots of aspirin.
*Do your clothes match* .. lol not really. Apparently I don’t have a style
*Did you have a bike with a banana seat( I don’t think so. lol
*Could you ride it* uhm.. eh. What da fuck is a banana seat?
*Have you lived in the same house your entire life* nopers. Ive never actually lived in a house
*What was the last song u heard* I’m listening to Violence by Blink right now
*Find anything good on sale lately* Yeah, my skirt! 20 bucks!
*If you won the lottery, what would you do* I don’t know. Lol buy a cd player. And a computer and an iPod. I really want the sound to work on my computer again grrr
*How old is your tomagotchi* haha OMG I remember those things. Mine are all dead because I haven’t bought new batteries. I should start up the craze all over again. … or not.
*Ever seen a Beatles film* nopers.
*Happy with your life* INCREDIBLY!!!
february 8
Let me start off with that I love my friends... and that theres a lot more pics but i must first get it developped.. (I don't have a digi camera, i'm cool!). Last couple of days as usual have been eventful...
Fri Night ~
after work, party at Stephu's house, I didn't get there until way after 10 ... I think. But it was so much fun... as always. Lots of PICTURES! I love pictures, I need more pictures. The midnight walk was the best ... we skipped down the hill, pinkies linked, saying we would be friends forever.... it was the best, hands down (hehe). i love my friends so much and i'm SO SUPER glad they are my friends!!
i'm so grateful for like everything that has happened in my life lately... and im so grateful for stephu and EVERYONE because they make my life so wonderful and so complete... friends are the most important people in my life.. and i cant wait until thte day, i move out of my house and theres nothing but friends in my life (grr i dont like parents!!!) and i hope that our lil group (the one above), i hope that we all stay friends, and that everyone is wrong and that in college we don't get separated because i don't htink its possible to find any better friends than them... i may quite possibly be the luckiest girl right now ~ i certainly feel so... and i have all of you (you know who you are) to thank for it..
<3 :D
August 8
We have one day left. Oh god. I can't even stand to think about that. *sigh* It feels like everything is so unresolved...... and I dunno. It's like everything started out so differently, I guess. I've changed so much. And after Caitlin came... I dunno. I love everyone here so much... Jenn, Miki, and Eddy ... out of everyone, I think they're the ones that mean the most to me. And having to leave .... man. Me and Miki were talking about it ... and I want to stay here. I mean I miss people back home, but ... I want here. I need here. I need ... to stay. Im so bittersweetly happy and sad. Oh god. I'm never going to be able to smoke w/o bursting into tears, I swear. Uhm, Aaron needs to use the computer, I willl finish this later. Okay, he just walked out of the room. mmmmm but anyway, I have to go!!!!!! ... hehe. I think I'm going to go upstairs... study all of tonight.
September 8
sooo, today good.. and im happy
after school, i went with melo and nima to do homework at starbux. lol, for some reason phyiscs was deliriously fun. oh god melody and nima scare me sometimes. A LOT.
i still have some work left to do.
jer made an entry on his xanga partly about me.
i swear my past ... lately. oh well.
the present is wonderful! it hurts to be so far awy from aaron ... but i believe in us. its the only thing i really do believe in.
i have six classes w/nima, its pretty cool. well actually i have a lot of classes w/a lot of ppl. at least four w/everyone.
i'm not looking forward to graduation. or the ending of this year. this is ... senior yr. it seems so ... i dunt know. its going to end.. and college .. and just everything is overwhelming. and i love so many people ... that i know im going to end up losing someone.
but ... its funny cos now i realize a lot of things are totally inconsequential. like .. i doubt ill remember most things when i look back at high school.
but i know ill always remember aaron.
and stephu. and nima.
well okay ill remember a lot nevermind. ill rmbr ppl, but ... all the different little things that happened that were a big deal... even now im like i dont care.
especially in relationships.
all the crushes and the "hearbreaks" ... what really broke my heart was ... me. me when the whole thing w/me and aaron fell through. maybe that too will fade ... it should .. im so happy w/him now. oh god so happy.
hopefully gravity hill this friday. thomas got ... mad? .. bah i dont realyl wanna go. its lost its appeal. maybe i went as a memory to him, but now ... i dont remember things frm our relationship [ hahha oh god ironically, thats wha i wanted when i deleted all my entries on my LJ of him .. ah i know myself well ]. eh. plus it really IS dangerous.. and i dont wanna put ppl in danger. plus id have to drive up tehre.. and find it agian. IM LAZY leave me alone.
eh we'll c..
ahhh im soo happy. well b/c of aaron. also b/c at school thigns are going well. me and nima are back to being close friends, which ... makes me feel better? i dunt know why, maybe last yr us not talking was a looming shadow.. bah who knows. but loose ends have been tied up.
me and thomas are OVER. case closed. the end. THANK GOD
me and freddy are OVER. case closed. the end. thank god!
i know jer doesnt want to be friends [so i wont try] and hes still sorta hurt. ill avoid him to make it better. [ and as for us EVER getting back together, oh god.. negative numbers on that ]
me and nima ... are okay! yay
me and everyone else is okay.
i dont remember why im mad at mitchell.. so it doesnt matter!
senior year is fnally here!
i'm getting a job!
so yay for loose ends. and just as long as everything stays okay. and it will. b/c ... well b/c im okay.
okay so maybe i had a nervious break down yesterday, but im handling it better. i still get angry at myself ... but i need to stop. and for once its not b/c somebodys telling me to. but its because im tired of always cutting. as much as i have said its not that bad ... theres better ways of handling ur problems. sleep is one of them.
oh god. im so damn freaking happy. maybe its just my crazy mood swings.. maybe its just the thought that im going to see aaron sooN! or maybe its finally FINALLY allowing myself to let go... and MAYBE its b/c the two friendships i thought were fucked over for life.. or maybe three? who knows, maybe they can EXIST.. w/o being more than just friendships. in fact i think they can!
its good forging friendships. friends are my life. its kinda sad. w/o my friends im nothing. so thank you ... for loving me... despite.. despite everything or maybe because of it! hehehe
okay going happy emo! imma go do homework! b/c heck im motivated.. and not cos i want to do in good school .. but simply for the fact i want to ... learn ... ah im such a weirdo.
... *sigh* need to be less emo. NOW