Melancholia that can't be shaken
I used to enjoy life... I had hobbies, I had a job I liked, I hung out with friends. I never really thought about it. But then, over a period of two or three years, I had several earth shattering events happen in my otherwise amiable life. My mother, who was the rock for me, passed away after a short illness, thereby rocking my foundations and breaking my heart. A little less than a year after that, I had my dialysis access in my arm give way, and lost several pints of blood and landing me in the hospital, and subsequently, crashing on a friend's couch for a while. While I was recuperating there, I developed debilitating pain in my back. The shooting pain was so severe, I was loathe to move or be touched, as an electric shock would travel up and down my spine, causing my knees to buckle. I finally convinced the doctors to take an MRI, and discovered I had a tumor pressing into my spinal cord, which was a further result of kidney disease. All of this happened in what could be considered a relatively small space of time.
As a result of the tumor, I had back surgery to have it removed. For quite a while I was in a wheelchair and receiving physical therapy. All that time when I was not in the hospital, I stayed at my best friend's house, with his magnanimous wife and two children. She was more than patient, having me crash on the couch, and the kids were extremely helpful... I will be eternally grateful. They contributed to my recovery immensely, even though I know it wasn't easy on them. My friend's wife was going through her own issues with her father's battle with terminal cancer, who was also there for a while. It was a full house.
Eventually I transferred to a nursing home, in hopes to be able to get rehabilitation to the point of being able to live on my own again. It wasn't too far, and was in the same town where my friends were, so it seemed like a good place. It turned out to be one of the most heartbreaking times of my life, one from which I still haven't recovered. I have never been so isolated or lonely in my life, not even when I moved back home, away from my friends and social circle. At least at that point, the people I considered my friends still bothered to talk to me. Once I was in the nursing home, I had a total of five of my friends come visit, and only three of them with any regularity. I was in the nursing home for a year and a half... out of nine to twelve people that I regularly hung out with, three. I still have a hard time with it.
Now, I'm still trying to get back to 'normal,' living at my dad's house, which is about two hours away from the people I call (and called) friends. I wonder what the chances are I'll be seeing them now?
As a result of the tumor, I had back surgery to have it removed. For quite a while I was in a wheelchair and receiving physical therapy. All that time when I was not in the hospital, I stayed at my best friend's house, with his magnanimous wife and two children. She was more than patient, having me crash on the couch, and the kids were extremely helpful... I will be eternally grateful. They contributed to my recovery immensely, even though I know it wasn't easy on them. My friend's wife was going through her own issues with her father's battle with terminal cancer, who was also there for a while. It was a full house.
Eventually I transferred to a nursing home, in hopes to be able to get rehabilitation to the point of being able to live on my own again. It wasn't too far, and was in the same town where my friends were, so it seemed like a good place. It turned out to be one of the most heartbreaking times of my life, one from which I still haven't recovered. I have never been so isolated or lonely in my life, not even when I moved back home, away from my friends and social circle. At least at that point, the people I considered my friends still bothered to talk to me. Once I was in the nursing home, I had a total of five of my friends come visit, and only three of them with any regularity. I was in the nursing home for a year and a half... out of nine to twelve people that I regularly hung out with, three. I still have a hard time with it.
Now, I'm still trying to get back to 'normal,' living at my dad's house, which is about two hours away from the people I call (and called) friends. I wonder what the chances are I'll be seeing them now?