(no subject)
I'm really exhausted... I just finished my perspective drawing and to be honest it wasn't THAT hard. I would say that this was the easiest drawing I have done so far. It's just lines and angles and more lines. Fun.
I have to be up in 5 hours but I figure I'll just catch up on sleep when I'm on the bus to school since I won't have anything to read or do anymore now that I have returned Norwegian Wood. Hopefully I will be able to go to the library after school tomorrow to find something to read.
Today my father came home in a sort of bad mood (just like the previous night) and I am not sure why. My mother was the opposite when she got back. (She had even bought me a cute denim dress today!)
While I was drawing, Pearl decided to feed me my dinner because she knew that I wasn't going to stop my work and eat any time soon, like how I skipped lunch today. I felt bad but she insisted. She added a lot of lemon chilli as well *-* I just thought about how lucky I am because I have such a great sister and she's probably one of the best in the world. Lately, I really love talking to her, too. Sometimes I even ask her to stay in the room longer because I want to talk to her before she returns to Habbo land on her laptop (what a loser).
I don't know if my thirst to talk to her is due to the fact that I barely hold conversations during the 6 hours that I am in school. I do know that it is because of this reason that I'm constantly thinking. It gets crazy in my head during lessons. My head will spin with questions and unspoken responses to whatever I overhear someone saying in class, and then I make remarks on people's opinions and tastes before I let my mind stray some more to thoughts of my friends, my family, and the day's after school plans. All of these thoughts eventually lead to the main thread of thought, that longing I have without fail whenever I am in school--that longing to go home.
I am sewing and it begins to rain outside the window beside me and I want to go home. I'm walking to my next class and I see other students smiling and laughing, and I think about how my sister would already be home and how much happier I could be feeling. I always think about my mother. If I know that she's waiting at home then the longing aches even more. If she's coming home early then I like to beat her to it and get home before she does, so I don't miss a thing. I just want to see and be with her all the time. Sometimes I hate school because it causes me to see her less.
I have noticed how having her around me immediately puts me at ease. I feel so much happier, too. Sometimes school drives me near the edge and I think about quitting altogether, but she keeps me going just by being there. She doesn't know about how I've been feeling lately but she makes everything better. She also does so much for me and I wish she wouldn't because I will never be able to repay her, and I hate that.
I've rambled quite a bit for half an hour now, and all this talk about my mother actually has me tearing up so I think I should go to sleep before I start bawling. Good night.
Where is the post button on this thing
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