whew
i have more mixed feelings than i care to know.
too much has gone on with me.
i've started to realize that i'm very picky about what situations make me happy. being home does not.
cedar point does.
i cannot, however, work there forever. i have someone special in my life that changes things. i can't ask that of someone. i've already asked too much.
i want to be at cedar point. if i didn't have luke in my life, i could live there. i could be uninhibited. i miss the whore i once was. i miss the retarded amounts of alcohol that i consumed. i feel like a complete prude. i used to go to bars and get wasted. i used to dance and be wanted. i used to play games with sexual victims. i really miss that. but i love luke. i obviously love him more than i miss those things.
i have a strong want to establish just as much for myself as i had at cedar point. i worked hard for what i earned there and while i didn't feel competitive with them, there were only two others that i felt were my match. they were jenilee and audra. i never wanted to be better than them. i only recall wanting to be them. wanting to have their intellect and wisdom concerning their leadership styles. i respect them and i hope they realized such.
too much has gone on with me.
i've started to realize that i'm very picky about what situations make me happy. being home does not.
cedar point does.
i cannot, however, work there forever. i have someone special in my life that changes things. i can't ask that of someone. i've already asked too much.
i want to be at cedar point. if i didn't have luke in my life, i could live there. i could be uninhibited. i miss the whore i once was. i miss the retarded amounts of alcohol that i consumed. i feel like a complete prude. i used to go to bars and get wasted. i used to dance and be wanted. i used to play games with sexual victims. i really miss that. but i love luke. i obviously love him more than i miss those things.
i have a strong want to establish just as much for myself as i had at cedar point. i worked hard for what i earned there and while i didn't feel competitive with them, there were only two others that i felt were my match. they were jenilee and audra. i never wanted to be better than them. i only recall wanting to be them. wanting to have their intellect and wisdom concerning their leadership styles. i respect them and i hope they realized such.