why do i still try when i know the answer is no?
if you don't understand me then what makes you think that i understand myself?
my feelings might explain my actions, but my actions put my feelings into perspective. at the beginning of my journey at CP, i was rather introverted, shy, and uninterested in meeting new people and making any sort of friends. i had learned the hard way how to squelch my emotions and think rationally. i had been hurt consistently by my mother, and learned to keep all my feelings inside and let them fizzle out. i became stoic and didn't appreciate the statue i had made of myself. the years have gone by and i broke down all the walls. i let more people in than i thought possible. i learned how to share my thoughts and found it liberating. the hard hearted kurtis began to melt. my heart was no longer two sizes too small.
i sit here know wishing i could go back to how i was. i don't mean that i wish i had stayed the same, but i wish i could return to the old me. i have a feeling some changes are going to take place with me this summer that most people aren't going to be happy with, but i honestly don't really care. my goal in life is to touch people. i want to be the one to help you push your envelope, no matter what direction that may be in. i want to show people how to grow into someone that is in touch with who they are. me being extroverted hasn't proven itself as i thought it would. i don't like negative results and being ignored.
so i have decided i'm pulling back. an inward summer is what i want to experience. i will have the opportunity on a less popular ride. i am going to train my crew so well that no one, and i mean no one, will even know we're there. we will be self sufficient, our own little utopia. bar? bar none. i will be going to work, going to eat, and going to sleep. last year was enough crazy to last me for this season too.
my feelings might explain my actions, but my actions put my feelings into perspective. at the beginning of my journey at CP, i was rather introverted, shy, and uninterested in meeting new people and making any sort of friends. i had learned the hard way how to squelch my emotions and think rationally. i had been hurt consistently by my mother, and learned to keep all my feelings inside and let them fizzle out. i became stoic and didn't appreciate the statue i had made of myself. the years have gone by and i broke down all the walls. i let more people in than i thought possible. i learned how to share my thoughts and found it liberating. the hard hearted kurtis began to melt. my heart was no longer two sizes too small.
i sit here know wishing i could go back to how i was. i don't mean that i wish i had stayed the same, but i wish i could return to the old me. i have a feeling some changes are going to take place with me this summer that most people aren't going to be happy with, but i honestly don't really care. my goal in life is to touch people. i want to be the one to help you push your envelope, no matter what direction that may be in. i want to show people how to grow into someone that is in touch with who they are. me being extroverted hasn't proven itself as i thought it would. i don't like negative results and being ignored.
so i have decided i'm pulling back. an inward summer is what i want to experience. i will have the opportunity on a less popular ride. i am going to train my crew so well that no one, and i mean no one, will even know we're there. we will be self sufficient, our own little utopia. bar? bar none. i will be going to work, going to eat, and going to sleep. last year was enough crazy to last me for this season too.