and the beat goes on
i don't really feel like talking about this to anyone in particular, but i do need to vent about it. there is a prelude to this amazing story, so i'm gonna give that in the form of some short facts.
my mother had an affair while i was in high school.
my mother had an affair with her boss.
my mother could still be and probably is still having this affair.
my mother still has this fucked up relationship with this man, which leads me to believe she is still partaking in illegal penis.
my mother's boss has a daughter with a history of pathological lying.
last night i was on the phone with shawn. i had heard my mother on her cell phone in her bedroom. i can tell by the tone of voice she uses that she was talking to her boss. while i was on the phone with shawn, someone beeped in, so i answered it. it was the daughter of my mother's boss. she told me my mother had told her father that she had taken several muscle relaxers, gone out to MY car, and was going to drive herself into an accident. i freak out, tell shawn to hold on, and go outside. my car is there, no mother. i go to her room. i ask her if she is okay. she says yes. she wanted to know why i asked. i told her that ashley, the daughter had called, but i failed to mention the conversation. i returned to my computer. a few minutes later she came to me and said, don't answer the phone if it's them, and if you accidently do answer it, tell them i took your car to go shopping. at 12:30 at night. please. like my mother would EVER drive my piece. so ashley wasn't lying like i had suspected. my mother had made an empty suicide threat.
i don't know what to think about it.
my grandmother never sent the title to the car. so i couldn't get insured on it. so i can't drive it home. so i'm not getting it this weekend like was planned. i'm not happy about that one.
it's amazing how 30 minutes can change everything with someone. it always seems to be those actions we take that last around 30 minutes to ruin or build everything. usually ruin in my case. it's okay though. i tend to think that people only need me so much, and then they learn all they want or need to, and then toss me aside. sometimes a semi fake friendship undures, but it's not that meaningful. the lessons learned in both directions are what counts. i've just been doing alot of thinking about tara today. how those 30 minutes seemed to build such a wall between us. maybe things are changing.
this paragraph is for audra. she said it has to be positive so i'm gonna do a writing excercise.
i like. i like being scared. i like feeling my heart race and feeling my pores sweat, no matter how cold it is. i like sex, but i like making people want that from me. i like making people think. i like making people think about who they are. i like people that are in touch with themselves. i like when people smile. i like when people laugh too hard with me. i like twisted asians. i like eating girls out. i like sucking cock. i like chocolate. i like dark chocolate even more. i like will and grace. i like people. i like chocolate ice cream after sex. i like thinking. i like when people play with my hands. i like when people change themselves for the better. i like when people accept me for who i am. i like when people can be naughty with me. i like when people can pretend to don't care like i can. i like things that come in sets. i like colors. i like to finish what i've started.
my mother had an affair while i was in high school.
my mother had an affair with her boss.
my mother could still be and probably is still having this affair.
my mother still has this fucked up relationship with this man, which leads me to believe she is still partaking in illegal penis.
my mother's boss has a daughter with a history of pathological lying.
last night i was on the phone with shawn. i had heard my mother on her cell phone in her bedroom. i can tell by the tone of voice she uses that she was talking to her boss. while i was on the phone with shawn, someone beeped in, so i answered it. it was the daughter of my mother's boss. she told me my mother had told her father that she had taken several muscle relaxers, gone out to MY car, and was going to drive herself into an accident. i freak out, tell shawn to hold on, and go outside. my car is there, no mother. i go to her room. i ask her if she is okay. she says yes. she wanted to know why i asked. i told her that ashley, the daughter had called, but i failed to mention the conversation. i returned to my computer. a few minutes later she came to me and said, don't answer the phone if it's them, and if you accidently do answer it, tell them i took your car to go shopping. at 12:30 at night. please. like my mother would EVER drive my piece. so ashley wasn't lying like i had suspected. my mother had made an empty suicide threat.
i don't know what to think about it.
my grandmother never sent the title to the car. so i couldn't get insured on it. so i can't drive it home. so i'm not getting it this weekend like was planned. i'm not happy about that one.
it's amazing how 30 minutes can change everything with someone. it always seems to be those actions we take that last around 30 minutes to ruin or build everything. usually ruin in my case. it's okay though. i tend to think that people only need me so much, and then they learn all they want or need to, and then toss me aside. sometimes a semi fake friendship undures, but it's not that meaningful. the lessons learned in both directions are what counts. i've just been doing alot of thinking about tara today. how those 30 minutes seemed to build such a wall between us. maybe things are changing.
this paragraph is for audra. she said it has to be positive so i'm gonna do a writing excercise.
i like. i like being scared. i like feeling my heart race and feeling my pores sweat, no matter how cold it is. i like sex, but i like making people want that from me. i like making people think. i like making people think about who they are. i like people that are in touch with themselves. i like when people smile. i like when people laugh too hard with me. i like twisted asians. i like eating girls out. i like sucking cock. i like chocolate. i like dark chocolate even more. i like will and grace. i like people. i like chocolate ice cream after sex. i like thinking. i like when people play with my hands. i like when people change themselves for the better. i like when people accept me for who i am. i like when people can be naughty with me. i like when people can pretend to don't care like i can. i like things that come in sets. i like colors. i like to finish what i've started.