Empty.
My report came in the weekend. It was really good. I was pleasantly surprised in some subjects...namely PE. But I'm feeling kinda hurt because all my mum said at first was "it's good" and then today when my report was mentioned she described it as being "fine". Fine. Good. Fine. That hurt me. And so now with all the stress and everything getting to me, I'm having a miniature meltdown. The lyrics to the song Numb are embedded throughout this entry because it just explains how it feels.
"I'm tired of being what you want me to be
feeling so faithless
lost under the surface
I don't know what you're expecting of me
put under the pressure
of walking in your shoes"
My mum didn't do well in school. She completely flunked maths, the only subjects she was good at were English and drama.
"Every step that I take is another mistake to you"
She thinks she knows me. Apparently, according to the gospel of her, she knows what's good for me more than I do. She doesn't understand me. I don't really understand her. That doesn't matter though. I just wish she would be a little different.
"And every second I waste is more than I can take"
My journal is a place to say how I feel and what's going on. I think this fits into that. I'm not going to fill my LJ with random, happy junk that isn't important to me. I'm a very happy person, but right now I'm feeling a little bit distressed. As we all feel at times. This my turn.
"And I know
I may end up failing too"
I just feel disappointed. I don't understand it. I know she is proud of me. But why can't she ever say that to me. That isn't all that's making me sad. Just the basic state of things. No, I am not depressed or anywhere near to being. I'm just a little sad. And I don't particularly want to talk about it. Just had to express all this somewhere. And this is a journal after all.
"But I know
you were just like me
with someone disappointed in you"
Um, so, the English static images have been postponed until Thursday. Yay. Science Fair is bothering me. Oh well.
"I'm tired of being what you want me to be
feeling so faithless
lost under the surface
I don't know what you're expecting of me
put under the pressure
of walking in your shoes"
My mum didn't do well in school. She completely flunked maths, the only subjects she was good at were English and drama.
"Every step that I take is another mistake to you"
She thinks she knows me. Apparently, according to the gospel of her, she knows what's good for me more than I do. She doesn't understand me. I don't really understand her. That doesn't matter though. I just wish she would be a little different.
"And every second I waste is more than I can take"
My journal is a place to say how I feel and what's going on. I think this fits into that. I'm not going to fill my LJ with random, happy junk that isn't important to me. I'm a very happy person, but right now I'm feeling a little bit distressed. As we all feel at times. This my turn.
"And I know
I may end up failing too"
I just feel disappointed. I don't understand it. I know she is proud of me. But why can't she ever say that to me. That isn't all that's making me sad. Just the basic state of things. No, I am not depressed or anywhere near to being. I'm just a little sad. And I don't particularly want to talk about it. Just had to express all this somewhere. And this is a journal after all.
"But I know
you were just like me
with someone disappointed in you"
Um, so, the English static images have been postponed until Thursday. Yay. Science Fair is bothering me. Oh well.