i need a hand to hold.a place to go..a shoulder to cry on.so alone..4get the thought that rescued me

Mar 01, 2005 08:51

well i know that i have not been writing alot on here but i have been grounded i got caught with ciggs at school and it so sucks and not to mention i have to go to court .... dad is making me pay for all of it... but that is ok bc it is my responsability to take care of the things that i mess up on.......
omg yesterday has been seven months that me and logan have been together yay party yay ....... i am so silly but anyways.... i was waiting on him to call me and tell me happy aniversary or something but noooo did i even get a phone call nooooooo. he got my vday package and i still have not got his i wonder if he even remembers me up there...... i bet that he has not thought of me at all ..... but i ... just me by myself .... i sit here and wait for the day that he will come back to me but i am not getting my hopes up at all bc here in a few months he wont even know who i am...... and he will love it up there....and he will finally fall in love with someone yea i know that it will happen if it hasnt already but this is just my luck huh isnt that how it always seems to go for me........ i wonder if there is ever going to be a hope....... something to look forward to i am just going to wait for the right time to come along there will be a time for me hopefully ........ i really want to do something with my music bc i love it and i have written so many songs in the past whatever it has been i cant wait to get some of them mastered and get guitar music for it

saturday i went to the skating ring and i met justin kelley he thinks that i am cute and i like him alot actually but see there is that thing where I STILL LOVE LOGAN and i am not over him ...... oh and not to mention the fact that i am still with logan...... only he is so fucking far away ..... omg i would never cheat on him omg i would never cheat on anyone omg this cheating thing is so wrong good thing that i dont do it huh...... i just told dad that i could not sleep last night again bc i am having trouble sleeping........ i have to much on my mind and it hurts really bad inside i cant tell dad how i feel i think that i am like deppressed only i am not deppressed i just have to cry everyday to get out all of the emotions that i am feeling i really really need someone just to hold me give me that moment of love i dont care who it is .......it is a hug and i need one so bad **tears start to fall**
i can only imagine that god is letting me feel this way for a reason ....... so that i can help someone else maybe... or so i can be strong for the task that i have to over come next..... if i do not stay strong during this time of my own need then i will fall down and fail at the end of my time..... i sit here and wonder what it ..the world.. would be like if i was not here.. how would that change anything what is my reason to be here??? why did god give me this life there has to be a reason i know that there is one i just dont know what it is ... deep down inside of me i know what it is that i am supposed to do but i am keeping it from myself so i wont have to struggle with another problem but if i solve just this one problem in my life then i am set for the rest of eternity
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