to coming and going along.
Often when I find myself worked up about something, I stop to ponder that my emotions have more to do with the way I reacted to a similar situation(s) previously, than to the current moment.
I try to pivot from that place. The one of presentness, one that stops and thinks, "how am I doing NOW.... This moment... Right here? How is this?" And then I live. I live right there in the right then.
Never should a what I think I "should" feel ever be confused with what I do feel and am feeling.
!@$%^UT&YU
I don't even know what I want to say... Because tonight there are too many things. Yeah... I'm pretty lost, fairly pissed, and substantially self loathing. (I'm not gonna lie about it, because the thought adds to all those before.) Just a kid trying to figure it all out like all the rest of us. I'm just the same as every girl... Maybe a little smaller, that's it. There are plenty of pretty girls, and I'm no match for anyone to fit me.
I cant stand it.
I cant stand it.
I cant stand it.
The same things always upset me. Let me end it. All is a vicious cycle -- with maybe a few different names, places, faces. I won't make it through another year.... I can't. If I took a wrong step, I wouldn't mind.
Hey world, what's up?
STOP HAUNTING ME.
Yeah, I'm insane.
I say the same things over and over and over. Someone find me a good horoscope, or the road map to my life. But don't worry about me, and don't give me that same advice, AGAIN... And again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again.
There is no cure... Only band-aids.