somber mood for a somber day
yesterday i woke up expecting it to be something it wasn't. the day just seemed to darken, like slowly approaching clouds. it was still a good day, but not the "free" one i expected. but i got to paint for hours, and that was nice and soothing...
i'm in a quiet dark mood today. maybe not dark, but definitely grey. that in-between, flat, just about to rain grey. it's funny, i didn't realize i was sad until i started typing and felt the all-too-familiar-as-of-late prickle of tears behind my eyes...
i am sad. hopeful, but still sad. grief is like a damp blanket that won't dry. not necessarily heavy like wet wool, but the bone-chill that lingers even after you're inside and in front of the fire. i seem to be full of metaphors today.
no matter how tightly i draw the blanket close, i'm still chilly. i'm not cold--no, i've warmed up past that. my Jesus inside won't let me be cold. i won't let me be cold anymore--i stayed cold for way too long. no more cold. memories of frostbite are too raw.
today is Good Friday. the day my Savior's soul was grieved to sweat blood... i am moved by HIs obedience and love and sacrifice.
i've come to look for the little things in each day. no, not look for; search out. no, not search out. hunt. yes, that's better. HUNT. i've come to hunt for the little things, the little joys and things that bring light to me again. today i'm still looking.
i'm in a quiet dark mood today. maybe not dark, but definitely grey. that in-between, flat, just about to rain grey. it's funny, i didn't realize i was sad until i started typing and felt the all-too-familiar-as-of-late prickle of tears behind my eyes...
i am sad. hopeful, but still sad. grief is like a damp blanket that won't dry. not necessarily heavy like wet wool, but the bone-chill that lingers even after you're inside and in front of the fire. i seem to be full of metaphors today.
no matter how tightly i draw the blanket close, i'm still chilly. i'm not cold--no, i've warmed up past that. my Jesus inside won't let me be cold. i won't let me be cold anymore--i stayed cold for way too long. no more cold. memories of frostbite are too raw.
today is Good Friday. the day my Savior's soul was grieved to sweat blood... i am moved by HIs obedience and love and sacrifice.
i've come to look for the little things in each day. no, not look for; search out. no, not search out. hunt. yes, that's better. HUNT. i've come to hunt for the little things, the little joys and things that bring light to me again. today i'm still looking.