MANNY ACTA ICON, ACTA-VATE.
You know what would probably break fandom? Writing either a baseball hockey AU fic or the inverse. These are the thoughts that I have when it's four something AM, I can't sleep and I can't write. I get to thinking horrible thoughts. Mostly because A) I can't fucking resist writing baseball AUs for all fandoms, and B) fuck you, hockey, for taking over my life even though I mostly refuse to participate in your fandom-fandom and I'm not totally sold on your slightly wonky league.
But seriously, though. I've spent the last hour or so laying in my bed, staring into the dark and trying to assign baseball positions to hockey players and vice versa. Patrick Kane would be the totally bonkers closer, complete with ridiculous entrance music and gimmicky body hair and, to quote my love Chris Perez, an arm like a fuckin' cannon. Or somesuch. But he'd probably be a White Sock, and thus watching him fail would be SO MUCH FUN. Actually, it might be no matter what team, because I'm a sicko who kinda likes watching closers fail because blah blah blah bias against the save stat whatever I read too much Joe Sheehan. And Buster Posey would be a goalie. And Justin Verlander would be one of those two-way forwards who's just ridiculously amazing and won the Calder and a bunch of Harts and Selkes and Rosses. And probably the Lady Byng, too, because Justin Verlander is wonderful and I love him 95% of the year (all times when he is not facing my Indians). Actually, that whole sentence made me hate hockey AU Verlander a little, because fuck that guy, why would anyone be that good.
Except then I start to imagine where various teams would be AU-located, and I think it means the Blue Jackets are the Indians and that makes me want to cry inside. And it means that Sidney Crosby is Andrew McCutchen (or possibly one of the new baby pitchers the Bucs drafted last season. But not Bryan Bullington, lulz). Also, I think it means the Reds become the Preds simply by geographical process of elimination, which means that they fucking go to the post-season, and I, as a Northeastern Ohioan and dedicated hater of all things Cincinnati, cannot abide that.
And then my brain sort of collapses in on itself when I think about the Canadian teams. But that's okay, because mostly, thinking about Canada makes me unspeakably sad/mad because why am I not Canadian? Why do I have to be a citizen of a country that hates me because Jesus and stuff and I can't help that I have a uterus, blame my father for contributing a second X chromosome. Actually, just blame my father, because he's a jerk.
Woooo, hey, there, five AM incoherence.
I'll just content myself with tweeting ideas for a ridiculous 1899 baron of industry cum western AU on my secret twitter. Because that's what one does when it's five AM, one can't sleep, one's cat sucks, and one is wearing an LA Kings t-shirt.
PS - My favorite baseball team keeps beating other teams. I am quickly rising up the ranks on Pick6. Jason Kipnis makes me chinhands. Vinnie Pestano's consecutive games K streak is simultaneously giving me palpitations and glee. And my chosen playoffs Western Conference bandwagon team is GOING TO THE STANLEY CUP FINALS. I am still kinda-sorta iffy on the NHL and its conventions, being used to MLB and college hockey and the Olympics, but I shall get over my nervousness. Watch the NJD/NYR series go seven games and the winner be in the zone while the Kings had a week off to lose momentum and stuff like the 2006 Tigers did (also: odds Carter and Richards have been sober, like, at all the last few days? Vegas simply says har har har). My Ohio-bred hatred of the armpit of the eastern seaboard (as granddaughter of a NJ native) means I will be crushed if one of those Eastern Conference teams goes and snipes the Cup that they have both totally won before in my lifetime. I was even in NJ the one spring/summer that the Devils won, even though I don't remember it much because lol, I was a child who loved baseball--but I do remember watching that series.
But seriously, though. I've spent the last hour or so laying in my bed, staring into the dark and trying to assign baseball positions to hockey players and vice versa. Patrick Kane would be the totally bonkers closer, complete with ridiculous entrance music and gimmicky body hair and, to quote my love Chris Perez, an arm like a fuckin' cannon. Or somesuch. But he'd probably be a White Sock, and thus watching him fail would be SO MUCH FUN. Actually, it might be no matter what team, because I'm a sicko who kinda likes watching closers fail because blah blah blah bias against the save stat whatever I read too much Joe Sheehan. And Buster Posey would be a goalie. And Justin Verlander would be one of those two-way forwards who's just ridiculously amazing and won the Calder and a bunch of Harts and Selkes and Rosses. And probably the Lady Byng, too, because Justin Verlander is wonderful and I love him 95% of the year (all times when he is not facing my Indians). Actually, that whole sentence made me hate hockey AU Verlander a little, because fuck that guy, why would anyone be that good.
Except then I start to imagine where various teams would be AU-located, and I think it means the Blue Jackets are the Indians and that makes me want to cry inside. And it means that Sidney Crosby is Andrew McCutchen (or possibly one of the new baby pitchers the Bucs drafted last season. But not Bryan Bullington, lulz). Also, I think it means the Reds become the Preds simply by geographical process of elimination, which means that they fucking go to the post-season, and I, as a Northeastern Ohioan and dedicated hater of all things Cincinnati, cannot abide that.
And then my brain sort of collapses in on itself when I think about the Canadian teams. But that's okay, because mostly, thinking about Canada makes me unspeakably sad/mad because why am I not Canadian? Why do I have to be a citizen of a country that hates me because Jesus and stuff and I can't help that I have a uterus, blame my father for contributing a second X chromosome. Actually, just blame my father, because he's a jerk.
Woooo, hey, there, five AM incoherence.
I'll just content myself with tweeting ideas for a ridiculous 1899 baron of industry cum western AU on my secret twitter. Because that's what one does when it's five AM, one can't sleep, one's cat sucks, and one is wearing an LA Kings t-shirt.
PS - My favorite baseball team keeps beating other teams. I am quickly rising up the ranks on Pick6. Jason Kipnis makes me chinhands. Vinnie Pestano's consecutive games K streak is simultaneously giving me palpitations and glee. And my chosen playoffs Western Conference bandwagon team is GOING TO THE STANLEY CUP FINALS. I am still kinda-sorta iffy on the NHL and its conventions, being used to MLB and college hockey and the Olympics, but I shall get over my nervousness. Watch the NJD/NYR series go seven games and the winner be in the zone while the Kings had a week off to lose momentum and stuff like the 2006 Tigers did (also: odds Carter and Richards have been sober, like, at all the last few days? Vegas simply says har har har). My Ohio-bred hatred of the armpit of the eastern seaboard (as granddaughter of a NJ native) means I will be crushed if one of those Eastern Conference teams goes and snipes the Cup that they have both totally won before in my lifetime. I was even in NJ the one spring/summer that the Devils won, even though I don't remember it much because lol, I was a child who loved baseball--but I do remember watching that series.