(no subject)
Never in my life had I believed in hell, but I no longer believe in heaven either. People are always talking about utopia, a better place, paradise, godliness, etc. but you know what I think heaven is? The same as earth, only you have a clarity you never had before. I mean, you can see things for what they are. You can watch your mother dying and you understand and don't have to ask God for answers. There's no doubt, no regret, no shame.
Sometimes I think the samurai knew what they were doing with seppuku. Living with doubt, regret, shame, confusion is the greatest hell. Beyond the interpretation of our minds, there is nothing. A rock feels no pain. A cloud feels no pain. And if you always live mindfully, and have a great understanding of how everything fits, you are living in a utopia already. When you lose that, or are in danger of losing that, then you end it honorably.
But you can only do that once. So the point is not to want to kill yourself whenever you get into a jam, whenever you think your life is over or whatnot. The point is to train yourself to achieve a perpetual peace of mind. The truly superior don't even need to resort to that act of "ascension." Once we have come to terms with the finiteness of our lives, probably one of the hardest problems we have to grapple with, I think a) we would have had to achieve some wicked mental dexterity to reach that point and there probably wouldn't be much left to keep your life from utopia, and b) it would be irrelevant whether we die gracefully by the sword or in a car accident or of old age or whatever. That mental freedom is what I'm looking for. It's probably what I've always looked for.
I am so far away from achieving peace of mind, though. My mind is usually flabby and fungal. I cry a lot. I care about stuff that doesn't matter in the long run.
I feel like I have no more spiritual teachers, and no more moral teachers. All I can do is read books, and I don't even do that very often. When you're little, you think you can learn things forever. When you become an adult, you realize the people around you are struggling with the same shit you're struggling with, and then everybody starts looking to a pastor or something. Then you find out he's molesting little children and maybe he ain't struggling with the same shit you're struggling with, but he's got his own shit to deal with that's fo sho.
One of the few times I can really be Zen, or in the moment, or at peace, or whatever you want to call it, is when I'm inside my music. I don't know how else to describe it. It's like when you think nobody's looking and you do a crazy dance to the song that just came on the radio for no reason at all. Or you're driving on the highway with a friend and you're both singing the lyrics to something you know by heart and you're not thinking of anything else.
I thought the getting hit in the face with a balloon part in I heart huckabees was so hilarious, not because the movie was actually funny, but because we have come to resort to getting hit in the face for a second of Zen. And there are people who don't need to get hit in the face to maintain a lifetime of it. Then again, that is probably their career.
Sometimes I think the samurai knew what they were doing with seppuku. Living with doubt, regret, shame, confusion is the greatest hell. Beyond the interpretation of our minds, there is nothing. A rock feels no pain. A cloud feels no pain. And if you always live mindfully, and have a great understanding of how everything fits, you are living in a utopia already. When you lose that, or are in danger of losing that, then you end it honorably.
But you can only do that once. So the point is not to want to kill yourself whenever you get into a jam, whenever you think your life is over or whatnot. The point is to train yourself to achieve a perpetual peace of mind. The truly superior don't even need to resort to that act of "ascension." Once we have come to terms with the finiteness of our lives, probably one of the hardest problems we have to grapple with, I think a) we would have had to achieve some wicked mental dexterity to reach that point and there probably wouldn't be much left to keep your life from utopia, and b) it would be irrelevant whether we die gracefully by the sword or in a car accident or of old age or whatever. That mental freedom is what I'm looking for. It's probably what I've always looked for.
I am so far away from achieving peace of mind, though. My mind is usually flabby and fungal. I cry a lot. I care about stuff that doesn't matter in the long run.
I feel like I have no more spiritual teachers, and no more moral teachers. All I can do is read books, and I don't even do that very often. When you're little, you think you can learn things forever. When you become an adult, you realize the people around you are struggling with the same shit you're struggling with, and then everybody starts looking to a pastor or something. Then you find out he's molesting little children and maybe he ain't struggling with the same shit you're struggling with, but he's got his own shit to deal with that's fo sho.
One of the few times I can really be Zen, or in the moment, or at peace, or whatever you want to call it, is when I'm inside my music. I don't know how else to describe it. It's like when you think nobody's looking and you do a crazy dance to the song that just came on the radio for no reason at all. Or you're driving on the highway with a friend and you're both singing the lyrics to something you know by heart and you're not thinking of anything else.
I thought the getting hit in the face with a balloon part in I heart huckabees was so hilarious, not because the movie was actually funny, but because we have come to resort to getting hit in the face for a second of Zen. And there are people who don't need to get hit in the face to maintain a lifetime of it. Then again, that is probably their career.