[28] When Lady Luck Meddles With Your Life [Nichkhun/Wooyoung]
Fic Title: When Lady Luck Meddles With Your Life
Main Character: Wooyoung
Pairing: Khunyoung (minor Chanho)
Warnings: hints at sexual content, fluff, angst, CAPS, language, weirdness, solkatter
Word count: 10,115
Prompt 1: Today love smiled on me
Prompt 2: http://flic.kr/p/7xkRbd
Prompt 3: Amnesia
Two paths that have been running alongside each other for years were finally about to cross through a twist of fate.
✧✧✧
He had been counting the hours until the expected call finally came.
It was a video call actually, his two best friends waving at him through the phone screen.
He grimaced at them and covered his eyes, which made them laugh like mad. “Ugh, will you two PLEASE cover yourselves?! Or is that part of the punishment for ratting you out?”
The squinty eyed of his friends threw him a glare then. “You’re damned lucky that you’re not here right now… They arrived when Channie was about to go down on me… After a month of not doing ANYTHING at all.”
“YUCK, JUNHO, WILL YOU SPARE ME THE DETAILS PLEASE?!”
“YAH, STOP SCREAMING AT ME, WOODONG-AH! And shut up, I’m not done telling you what happened...”
Wooyoung still pulled a face, but remained silent.
“So we were… intimate with each other, and they did what they always do. Disturb us. Thanks to you, I might add. Anyway, you recall my graduation gift for Channie? Turns out the little shit really liked it...”
“Don’t call me little shit to his face, you little fuck.”
Woo tried to avoid it, but he still caught a glimpse of Junho shutting his boyfriend up with an unnecessarily deep kiss.
“Guys, I’m really happy for you two, you know that, but is all this really necessary?”
Both of them sent him a glare then, but started giggling a second after it. “You haven’t heard the fun part of the story yet, Wooyoungie.”
That was Chan, usually the calmer and less dangerous of the two. Highly depending on the situation of course.
But Wooyoung hoped for less details from him, so he nodded and sighed. “Go on then.”
Chansung smiled widely and moved Junho’s left hand closer to the camera.
“Do you see this? Guess what it is!”
Woo stared at his screen, trying to figure out what he saw. “A ring? Is that a braid inside? And what’s with the red drops?” He gasped then, mouth hanging open for a while as the realisation hit him. “CHANSUNG, YOU CRAZY BASTARD! DID YOU ACTUALLY PROPOSE TO HIM WITHOUT ME BEING AROUND TO LAUGH AT YOU TWO FOR BEING SO OLD SCHOOL?! I HATE YOU, MAN!”
“YAH! WILL YOU STOP SCREAMING AT MY FUCKING FIANCÉ, JANG WOOYOUNG?!”
“SHUT UP, LEE JUNHO! I’M NOT DONE WITH YOUR MAN YET!”
Chan was laughing in the background, while Junho was huffing angrily and staring Woo down through the screen.
The latter took a deep breath and sighed once more. “You don’t have to be so overprotective of him all the time, Junho. Seriously, of course I don’t hate you. But my little heart is in pain because you two evil shits did this without me.”
He put on his distressed expression and actually succeeded in making them feel a little bad. And making them laugh despite that, because they had never been able to take him serious with THAT expression.
“We’re sorry, Woo, really. But it seemed the right situation somehow...” Chan started to apologise, but Junho cut him off, his grin a little too smug for Wooyoung’s taste.
“Yeah, just the perfect situation. Naked and completely on edge. You should totally propose like that too, when the time comes, Wooyoung-ah.” He spoke the words sweetly, but the images they evoked were much more difficult to handle.
“Junho, I told you to stop giving me details!”
“Like I care…” He poked his tongue at the oldest and was done with him then, leaving Woo staring at the screen in frustration.
“What a disrespectful little shit you are, Junho. Treating your poor hyung like that.”
“Ne, hyung. That’s just what you deserve for sending them after us when you were completely aware what we were going to do first thing we arrived here...”
“He has a point there, you know? You could have given us a few hours at least, Wooyoungie.”
He gasped dramatically and put his hand on his heart. “You’re stabbing me in the back too, Chansungie? I would have expected it from squinty eyes there, but you? My precious bear?”
“Even a bear has his priorities, okay? So, don’t try to make him feel guilty, when you are the one in the wrong, Woo. Either way, our parents know about the proposal, too. And you better be a brilliant best man and help us with all the preparations…”
“You’re making me best man? Both of you?”
Junho rolled his eyes in annoyance and smiled once Chan had bitten his shoulder lovingly. “No, I was talking to the guy behind you… Of course you’re going to be our best man! Who else is even remotely deserving of that position?”
Woo poked his tongue at the younger two then. “Stop it already, Chan. I know what you’re doing there, and I don’t want to witness this, okay?! And fine, I guess I’ll be the best man then. Now, when will you two lovebirds be back here? And when will the wedding take place?”
Chan mumbled it against the skin of Junho’s shoulder, so Woo understood next to nothing. “Can you NOT mumble it to Junho? He already knows this.”
Chan looked up at him with dark eyes then, making Woo shiver a little, because he wasn’t used to this side of the gentle man.
Junho practically purred the words, patting Chan’s arms that were wrapped around his torso. “There there, Channie, go on, I will tell him.”
The tallest of the three went back to whatever he had been doing to his fiancé before and that left Junho suspiciously breathless.
“I’m so done with you two…” Wooyoung face palmed and sighed for the umpteenth time in the last fifteen minutes or so.
“Now, it seems that you’re still not even remotely finished with your catching up.”
“Far from it…” Junho chipped in with a silly grin plastered on his face and his eyes tightly closed.
“To think that you two aren’t even able to keep your hands away from each other for fifteen minutes… Not even after all these years… Anyway, please enlighten me as to when I’ll bear witness to this unification of two lovers.”
“Yeees…”
“LEE JUNHO, HWANG CHANSUNG, FOCUS! I refuse to witness THAT kind of unification!”
Junho’s eyes snapped open and he took a few seconds to focus on Woo again. “Sorry… Eh, we’re thinking at the end of August? And we’ll be back in a couple of days.”
A dry laughter escaped his throat, but Woo gave them an ‘Are you fucking serious’-look a second later. “You are aware that this is just around the corner and we have a ton of stuff to plan? How can you be so calm about this? It isn’t even MY wedding and I’m freaking out already!”
“Woo, do me a favour and sit down, count to ten and breathe deeply. We don’t want a huge feast or anything. There will only be a handful of guests anyway, just family and close friends. This is no royal wedding, okay? Don’t make a fuss about it, promise?”
Chan looked at him with his wise eyes and Woo felt calmer already, seeing their point. They had never been too public with their relationship, so a wedding like that sounded much more like them.
“Okay, fine, no coach pulled by white horses then? And what about the pretty dress I already planned for Junho?”
“Oh, get the fuck out, man!”
“I’ll take that as a no then... Chan?” Woo looked at him hopeful, but got an unamused stare back.
“Thanks, I’ll pass too”
“You two are no fun at all. Meh, such spoilsports.”
The two on the other end grinned then and blew him some kisses. “We love you too, Woodongie. Shall we pass on some greetings from your traitor ass to the rest of the stalkers?”
The oldest nodded with a fond smile on his face. “Of course, and make sure to tell them to contact me about the wedding, too, okay? As for you two... Have fun and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!”
He winked and waved at them and waited for them to wave back, before he hung up.
So, he had a wedding to plan now. Brilliant.
'Seriously, how did I end up being their best friend?'
A deep sigh and last sip of his coffee later he rose from his sofa and grabbed his keys, wallet and phone before stepping out into the world to get some groceries.
Woo was still getting used to the fact that these two were really going to tie the knot and become a family now. And then there was him, no relationship, no intention to have a serious one anytime soon and, worst of all, not even a plan for the near future in general.
That’s when it hit him. Literally.
He was too lost in his thoughts to notice that he was crossing the street while the traffic lights were red. Neither did he notice the car that was approaching him, until it hit him.
He rolled over the windscreen and landed heavily on the pavement, hitting his head badly. All he thought was: ‘Fuck.” and then he lost consciousness.
When he came to his senses again, someone was shouting instructions to someone he was unable to see. The guy who was staring down at him now and blinding him with a white light looked suspiciously like the captain of a ship in an ancient porno he had watched with Chansung and Junho years ago. Cheesy 70s porn music kept on running through his head as he kept staring at the man who appeared to be talking to him.
“... were hit by a car and have a few broken ribs and bruises. Probably a concussion. We’re taking you to a hospital now, Mister Jang.”
Woo’s vision was starting to blur again, the image of this guy from the ambulance shifting between his current clothes and the uniform of the captain from the porno. Things were taking a turn for the weirder when the guy smiled warmly at him.
Woo could have sworn he knew him from somewhere. Other than from that porno, of course. But the harder he thought about it the more he lost hold of his memories. All he could recall was a word. A name perhaps. He was unsure, because of its foreign sound.
‘Khun.’
Soon enough his head started to hurt too much to stay awake, so he closed his eyes again and handed himself over to peaceful unconsciousness.
His body was one great pain when he resurfaced again. He was staring at a plain white ceiling in a generic hospital room, the smell of antiseptics and general sickness clinging to him like a lover.
He had never been fond of hospitals, but now that he was a patient in it, the situation looked even worse.
A sudden panic grabbed a hold of him and he had to move all his aching limbs to make sure everything was still where it should be. Woo groaned because of the effort and spikes of pain it sent through his body, but he had rarely been more happy about it, too.
Pain meant everything was still in its rightful place after all, but he felt anxious to get up and get out of there really quickly.
He was about to sit up, when he heard the door to his room being opened.
“Oh god, Chan, he is awake, hurry!”
Before he had the chance to even turn his head in the direction of the noise, he was hugged by four arms, making him moan in even more pain.
“Ow, stop it, I’m fragile!” he croaked, surprised by how hoarse he sounded.
“Yah, you silly thing, how dare you run into a car and land yourself in hospital?! You’re really stubborn when it comes to sabotaging our reunion, Woo. But thank goodness you’re alive and kicking.”
Looking to his right he saw a guy with a very familiar smile, and on his left was a smaller guy with squinty eyes, trying to suppress some sobs.
“I hate you, Jang Wooyoung. I didn’t need my other best friend in here as well. Not after what Channie went through back in the day. Don’t expect me to confess to you as well, just because you’re in the hospital now, okay?”
He heard the words, but his brain was far too laggy to make sense of them, so he stared at the smaller guy blankly.
“Junho, he has a concussion, give him a chance to compute all that.”
He shifted his gaze between them, as they stared at each other for seconds on end, before both looked down at him again, smiles back on their faces.
The guy called Junho squeezed his hand reassuringly, while the one called Channie was patting his arm.
“Eh, I remember the accident. But who are you two actually?”
Their faces froze for a while, falling in sync a little later. As serious as the situation might have been, he couldn’t suppress a chuckle at their weird antics. It seemed that they were really working on the same wave length.
“I’m sorry, but do I know you? You look familiar, but…”
It was the Junho person who replied dryly: “We’re your best friends, Wooyoung. HOW ON EARTH CAN YOU FORGET YOUR BEST FRIENDS, MAN?!”
His face was twisted in something between anger and frustration, until the other guy reached out and squeezed his hand tightly. It sufficed to make the smaller relax again and sigh.
“I know it’s not his fault, Chansung. I know. It’s just such a shitty situation to be in, seeing your favourite people in the world hurting so much and not being able to do anything to make it better…”
“Hush, baby, I’m sure Woo will remember everything in no time and be back to his old self. I have faith in you, Wooyoungie.”
Chansung smiled at the patient then and nodded once. And even if Woo didn’t recall them in that very moment, he was certain that they were very close to him and that the taller guy was right.
“It might help, if you told me a few things we did together? Memorable stuff… And, I’m really sorry to ask you such m questions, but does ‘Khun’ ring a bell to you? Because it’s something that has been flickering through my head ever since the accident…”
They exchanged a knowing look, but no word was spoken, until Junho looked at Wooyoung again. “Eh, it’s probably better, if you figure this out on your own, Woo. These memories might be too much to handle in your condition.”
“Oh, okay… So, when will I be able to leave?”
Chansung laughed dryly. “You have a few more days to go, Wooyoungie. A few broken ribs will heal at home, too, but the doc said they’ll keep you here to see how your concussion develops. And I guess they might want to test you more thoroughly, because of this amnesia. But we’ll visit you whenever you want us to.”
Woo smiled sadly. “Thank you. I think I really appreciate that.”
The other two grinned at the weird way their best friend was speaking to them, but went in for another hug, this time not as tight.
“Don’t worry, we’ll bring you lots of photos and old videos. We’ll get your memories back in no time, okay? You can rely on us, Woodong-ah.”
He felt really warm and fuzzy in their embrace, his instincts telling him to trust them and believe they would make everything right again. And then a sudden flash of a memory hit him.
It was a similar scene, only that he wasn’t the one in the hospital bed, but a boy who resembled Chansung.
Wooyoung and another boy were hugging the patient in a similar fashion, whispering soothing words to him while they embraced him. The other boy had tears on his face and looked extremely distressed, but somewhat happy at the same time.
The boy’s squinty eyes were what convinced him eventually that he was really remembering a scene from his past, with these two in it.
He cleared his throat once, then a second time, finally chuckling awkwardly. “I… think I might have remembered a little something? Did Junho and I visit you in the hospital in our early teenage years perhaps?“
Chan stared at him in awe for a few seconds, before he grinned widely and nodded his head. “That was when I broke my leg, yes. See? It’s slowly coming back.”
“So typical for you to remember me in one of my ugliest moments, Woo… All tearful and puffy because of that little shit over there.”
Chan only beamed at him, completely unfazed by the remark. “I was still very much in love with you. Maybe even more so, because you cared so much.”
That made Junho smile to himself and cast his eyes down. “Stop it, Chan.”
Woo followed that exchange curiously, trying to figure a few things out.
“Sooo, you two are my best friends… But you’re dating each other?”
Chan nodded at him while Junho beamed like the sun. “We’re actually engaged since yesterday. And told you about it this morning… Well, before you had your accident. Then we came back as soon as we could to check on you.”
“Oh.”
“Yes, oh sums it up quite well. Anyway, we’re glad you’re still in one piece. Your parents were informed too, so they should arrive here soon. In the meantime, we’ll go to your apartment and pack a few things for your stay here, okay? Or do you want one of us to stay here with you?”
Junho was already about to move to the door, when Woo took his hand and squeezed it. “It’s fine, I’ll be fine. I think I need some time to digest everything, so go ahead and go together. I’m not going anywhere in this state…”
“We’ll be back in no time, Woo. Rest well and get better soon, okay? Do you want something special to eat?”
He thought about it for a while, not really sure what he preferred when it came to food, but suddenly his mouth started watering as the image of chicken appeared in front of his inner eye. “Chicken, something with chicken.”
Chansung chuckled happily at that, patting his shoulder lightly. “That’s the Woo we know and love. We’ll get you something tasty on the way back here, okay? See you in a bit, Woodongie!”
With a last squeeze of his shoulder the two went away, entwining hands as they were heading for the door. He couldn’t help but smile at their obvious affection.
But he hadn’t been lying, when he said he needed time for himself now. The pain was getting worse again and he really felt like sleeping for as long as possible. So he closed his eyes, pondering on why they had refused to tell him about ‘Khun’.
The images in his head kept twisting and turning, a familiar face popping up from time to time. Seriously, what was this obsession with that weird captain from the old porno? But the image dissolved and shifted, turning into the same face with different surroundings.
The guy’s smile was far too bright, so he fought to close his eyes, only to realise that they were already closed tightly. The guy still kept on smiling, no matter how hard Woo tried to think about anything else. Safe to say that it annoyed him to no end.
Eventually he had come to accept the omnipresence of this guy’s face in his mind and decided it might help to analyse his features down to the small wrinkles in the corners of his eyes. He counted the hairs of his thick eyebrows, imagined how they would crawl over his face and felt how his lips curled upwards in a grin. Then he counted his lashes and analysed the shifting nuances of brown that formed his irides.
He marveled at the beautiful curve of his lips. And gosh, was he being girly right now, but the only word that seemed appropriate to describe the guy's face was 'angelic'.
Woo had to fight against the urge to barf, because he had most certainly never thought about a guy as angelic before and he was quite sure the accident had left a bigger impact on his brain than he had expected initially.
He groaned in pain as he tried to adjust his position a little, but realised it might not be the best idea. So he remained the way he was, his butt slowly falling asleep.
At this rate his butt would be practically non-existent by the time he got out of here. But what to do? He had been stupid enough to run into this car and now he had to pay the price.
"This sucks. Stupid car, stupid ribs, stupid best friends..."
"Now now, you don't mean that, my boy."
It was a female voice, full of warmth and as comfortable as a hug.
His eyes shot open, only to shift towards the door and see if he recognised the woman.
Mum. "Mum! Dad! You're here!"
His parents smiled at him as if they were seeing a little child.
"What are we going to do with you, huh? Always finding yourself in some sort of trouble, Wooyoungie. But how come you remember us? Channie called to let us know about your amnesia."
Woo rolled his eyes and shrugged, only to curse in the most colourful ways afterwards.
"Ow, shoot, I'm sorry for the cursing, but I tend to forget about the wounds and then this happens... Anyway, I haven't forgotten everything. Just a few things. But I'm glad you're here, honestly. I missed you."
He looked at them longingly, waiting for them to come over and comfort him. He really needed someone to hold on to. A fixed spot in the mess that his life had turned into recently.
And they were there, gathering him in a hug that spoke of better days to come.
A while later his best friends returned as well, catching up with everyone and recounting all the important events from their shared past, so Woo could fill some of the blanks.
But neither one had ever mentioned ‘Khun’ and he was extremely irritated by it.
“Will any of you tell me about ‘Khun’?”
They looked at him in silence, waiting for who might reply first. It was Woo’s mother who shook her head.
“This is a chapter you best recover on your own, my dear.”
He all but groaned in frustration. “Why? Can it really be so bad that you refuse to talk about it?”
“It’s not exactly bad, but… we lack the necessary insight to tell you, so it has to come from yourself, Woodongie. And it will come back, don’t worry.” Chan squeezed his hand a little and nodded at him reassuringly, the others joining in, too.
All they heard was a deep sigh, before the patient flashed them a tired smile. “Fine, I’ll stop asking you… For now.”
His friends winked at him then, and his parents smiled happily. “That’s the boy we raised.”
He grinned, but with very little energy left. “I certainly hope so. Anyway, please don’t misunderstand me, I love having you around, but I’m exhausted. And I think the doc should check in on me quite soon…”
“Hush, my son, we’re going home now. Get some rest and don’t worry too much about your memories. They will return eventually. Your mother and I will stay at your apartment until you leave the hospital, if that’s okay with you?”
Woo looked at them as if they had grown a second head just this very second. “Eh, sure, no problem… Junho and Chan have a spare key, but you can get mine.”
They nodded and took the key from his belongings, saying goodbye afterwards.
As soon as they were out of the door, his smile fell and panic was written all over his face. “Fuck, my apartment looks like a mess. There’s random stuff everywhere. And I didn’t hide my ‘stuff’ very good either.”
Chan’s big hand grabbed his then, squeezing it for the umpteenth time that day. “Don’t worry, I cleaned up a little when we were there… And Junho, well...”
“I found your secret stash and decided it might be better to remove it from your apartment temporarily, you perv. Seriously, I thought the two of us were kinky, but that was a whole new level of extravagant, Woo. I approve.”
“I’m not even sure what this stash included…”
The apparent unawareness of his best friend put a bright smile on Junho’s face which, in turn, made Wooyoung fear for what he was about to hear.
“Oh, you know, just a little bit of this and that. Oh, and plenty of THAT.”
That’s when it hit Woo. Like a train. His face fell immediately. “Nonononono. Not THAT. No, I refuse to acknowledge THAT.”
Chan beamed at him then. “Oh, but we had plenty of fun buying THAT for you, don’t you remember? The day we decided to get you an ‘adult’ present for your 18th birthday? I have such fond memories of this day…”
Chansung got side-eyed by both of them then. Hard.
“Yah, wipe that perverted grin of your face, Hwang. We’re so not doing THAT again. I couldn’t sit normally for DAYS. And… Oh no. DON’T YOU DARE USE YOUR PUPPY DOG EYES ON ME, YOU FUCKER!”
Clearly having a death wish, the giant among the three defied his loving demon fiancé and used it despite the warning, making Junho groan in frustration and look at Woo for help.
“Tell him to stop, Wooyoungie. I’m powerless against this. This demon with an angel’s face will lure me into his lair and do unspeakable things to me. Which I WILL tell you about in full detail…Please help me, hyung.”
The only thing Woo did do was roll his eyes at them and their weird antics. Even harder so when Chan pulled Junho into a hug and covered his neck in butterfly kisses, making his fiancé giggle like a girl.
“You brought this upon yourself, Junho. And don’t even try to convince me that you don’t love every second of this. You two are beyond salvation. Now go and make some babies, or whatever it is that you guys do in your freetime.”
The silly couple cooed at him in response, letting go of each other, before Chan tried to cheer him up. “Aw, don’t be grumpy, Woo. You’ll find your special someone one of these days, too. I’m sure love will smile on you very soon.”
Wooyoung’s reply sounded much grumpier than intended, but still very appropriate. “Who says I’m looking for a special someone? Love is just not the thing for me. An occasional bed adventure is all I’m after...”
Junho crossed his arms in front of his chest, looking at him with brows raised so high that they disappeared behind his fringe. “Are you trying to make US believe that or are you trying to convince yourself, Jang Wooyoung? Because we’ve had this talk close to a million times already and the bottom line is always that you want someone to complete you. Someone to love you with all your flaws and edges. Someone who doesn’t try to change you, but accepts you for who you are.”
“WILL YOU STOP TALKING ABOUT IT ALREADY?! I know that I want all of that, Junho. I know. But it’s not like love hits you like a car. And yes, I get to make that joke, because I KNOW HOW IT FEELS TO BE HIT BY A FREAKING CAR. FUCK!”
He was on the verge of tears already, not even remembering everything yet, but it was still enough to make him realise that his life was empty and directionless at the moment. And it hurt, it hurt so much to see the happiness his best friends had.
By no means did he want to take their happiness from them, but he was tired of seeing what he could have had. He was tired of the pain it brought him and tired of considering himself a bad friend for being jealous about their happiness. He was just so, so tired of everything.
Barely audible he spoke to them, his eyes downcast. “I’m sorry for the outburst just now, guys. And I’m sorry if this might seem ungrateful, but can you please go now? I love you with all my heart, you know that, but I have no strength anymore. I’m so tired. Please go home and come visit me tomorrow, if you feel like it. Thank you so much for coming back here for my sake and being the best friends one could ever hope for. I don’t deserve you, really. But I’m glad I have you.”
The two visitors looked at him with concern, but nodded eventually, knowing there was nothing they could do for now. He had always been someone to figure out his problems on his own, and if they were able to help, he would let them know. So they bowed down, capturing him in a loving hug, which made him feel somewhat peaceful again.
“If there is anything we can do, Woodongie, please don’t be afraid to call. We’ll always be there for you, okay?”
“Yes, no matter how late it is, we’ll come running to you.”
The patient nodded, a tired smile on his face. “I know, guys, I know. And I’m grateful for it. But I’m good now. The staff here will take care of me for the night. And I really need some time for myself anyway. So go ahead, I’ll promise to get back to my old self quite soon and annoy the living daylights out of you for being such evil little shits to your hyung. But I love you, I really do. In a purely brotherly way, of course... Geez, Junho, stop it. I will not take your bear from you!”
He chuckled at the way Junho was sneering at him, his hands holding his fiancé’s possessively. Chan was just beaming like the lovestruck fool he was, when Junho was concerned and especially when the smaller made it clear that the giant belonged to him and only him.
“I’m still having my eyes on you, Wooyoung…”
He chuckled violently at that, considering to get up and kick their asses to make a point, but deciding that it might be too painful after all. “Seriously you two, get out of here and fuck each other’s brains out. I can see there’s still plenty of energy left in you. Shoo, away with you.”
The two smiled at him appreciatively and gave him another quick hug, followed by two pecks at both of his cheeks.
“Ew, stop it! Gosh, can you be more gay?” He laughed heartily, pushing them away a little.
“I fear we’ve reached the limit, darling. But we’ll get you there eventually.” That was Chan, winking at him in the cheesiest way possible.
Junho all but wiggled his brows, smirking at him, while he hooked his arm around Chan’s, waving at their best friend then.
“See you tomorrow, you pretty thing you.” Junho, forever keeping up his image of an evil tease.
“Yah, come here and let me show you how much of a pretty thing I am, you little shit!”
Junho walked away then, shaking his head no, a helplessly shrugging Chan in tow. “See you, Woo.”
“Goodnight, guys. Make me proud, okay? And I will haunt your asses, if you lay a hand on my secret stash. This is entirely off limits to you!”
“Whatever, Woo…”
They winked and were out of the door, leaving him with a tiny smile that disappeared all too soon as he became aware of the emptiness of his room and even more depressing, the emptiness inside of himself.
The days passed in a hazy blur of pain and endless visits. He was glad about them, but they reminded him of how unable he was to actually move around freely and come and go as he pleased. While the doctor had told him to walk around the hospital grounds to get some fresh air and exercise his aching muscles, he was still not allowed to go home.
And even worse than the days were the endless nights full of dreams about some lost memories. Always this stupid face of this stupid captain from that stupid porno haunting him. He was beyond tired, trying to stay awake as long as possible to avoid these dreams, but always failing.
Woo wasn’t sure when this had become his daily routine, but he started to see the guy’s face while awake too. Be it in his food, in the patterns of the wallpaper or the spectrum of the light the sun cast on the walls as he shone through the window at a weird angle. He had read about a wonderful word for this phenomenon once while he was reading about an amazing house that was almost entirely built out of glass. The word was solkatt, Swedish for sun cat and he had fallen in love with it ever since he had first read it.
He realised he was really going mad, remembering such seemingly pointless things. And it happened at an alarming rate. But there was nothing to be done about it, since he had still not regained any memory regarding this guy and his friends and parents still refused to tell him about this ‘Khun’.
One day when he really felt as if the ceiling was about to come crashing down on him, he got up and decided to take a walk outdoors.
Architecture had always interested him and in the garden behind the hospital there was a very futuristic yet amazing mixture of a statue and a building. A winding path led up to it, but it was separated by a tiny channel. This path had evoked some emotions he couldn’t really place at the moment, probably due to the lack of memories that were connected to it. He couldn’t be sure, so he had been staring at the path and the statue for hours now, still not entirely able to grasp what the creator of it might have had in mind while building it, but what did it matter, anyway?
The point was, that he had lost the sense of his impending madness in the waves and loops of it. And that was all that mattered. He stared at the statue without thinking about anything at all and yet everything became perfectly clear while he did.
It was the simplest and yet most complicated thing he had ever seen, if that made sense. Just like love. It’s apparent in the tiniest gestures and yet it is such a complex emotion. Maybe he had been looking at love wrongly all the time. Maybe he had wanted too much and searched for it in the wrong places. Maybe the tiny little things were what truly gave you the ability to love and be loved by someone.
Just when this realisation had hit him, he was pulled out of his thoughts by a familiar voice speaking to him from behind his back.
“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”
Woo turned around to look who was talking to him, but once he spotted his face, he felt like being hit by a car. Again.
It was the porno captain/ambulance guy who had saved him. And he felt nauseous for some reason, because a voice in his head kept screaming ‘KHUN’.
“Eh, what is?”
The guy pointed at the statue then, smiling patiently. “The statue.”
“Oh.” Woo looked at it again, his head turning in what felt like slow motion. “Yes.”
“I’ve noticed you coming here for a few days now. This place is usually deserted, but lately you keep showing up…”
Woo had trouble following his words, the slowed down slur making little to no sense at all. “Yes.”
The guy looked at him strangely, something between concern and irritation. “Are you okay? You seem a little distracted?”
“‘m fine…” That’s when the blackness hit him, gathering him in a hug similar to that of a lover’s.
He came to a couple of minutes later, lying on a bench, staring up at the blinding sun and wondering what had happened, until a face appeared far too close to his own, making him jump in surprise.
“Holy sh… don’t scare me like that, man!”
The guy just smiled in relief, moving away a little further and nodding at Woo.
“Fine sorry, but you were the one who scared me in the first place. I’m not used to my conversation partners suddenly passing out. But your pulse is stable and you don’t have a fever…”
“Yah, don’t touch me so nonchalantly!” Woo rose in a hurry which made him dizzy, so the stranger had to stabilise him again.
“If you refrain from sudden movements for a second, I promise no more touching will be necessary. Sheesh, I’m just trying to help you, man. No need to be so aggressive. This is my job after all.”
“Your what?” Wooyoung stared at his suspected saviour as if he had a horn growing out of his forehead.
“My job. I’m part of an ambulant rescue team. A doctor so to say. Not with the title yet, but I still try to save as many people as possible. You being one of them. Twice now.”
The stranger looked on edge, as if he expected Woo to jump at him any second “Hell, can you not look so murderous for a second, please? All I did was make sure you stay alive…”
This made the patient realise how freaked out he must have looked just now, so he relaxed visibly, shaking his head to clear it of the remains of strange memories buzzing around in there.
“I’m sorry, but this amnesia is getting the better of me. I haven’t even had a chance to thank you for saving me, …eh, what was your name again?”
The stranger smiled genuinely and held out his hand. “Nichkhun Buck Horvejkul. Or Khun, if you prefer that. People from around here usually have trouble pronouncing my name, so the short version is fine.”
Woo stared at the hand, then at him, back at the hand and back at him again. His eyes widened in disbelief, before the blackness hit him once more. Painfully. Breathtakingly. Mercilessly.
He woke up in his bed, trying to figure out what had happened and realising he had no idea. Then he heard someone rummaging around in his bathroom. He wondered whether he had fallen asleep during one of his friends’ or parents’ visits, but couldn’t spot any clothes or bags that looked like they belonged to them.
His eyes grew to the size of tennis balls, once he spotted who the person emerging from the bathroom actually was.
“Khun.” he croaked hoarsely, grabbing his own throat because of the sound he had just made.
The man smiled and walked over, taking a bottle of water and offering him a glass full of it.
“Here, you have to drink a lot, it will help with your headache.”
Wooyoung nodded his thanks, secretly glad to have an excuse not to speak for a while. So he clung to the glass with both his hands, nipping from it occasionally.
“You might ask yourself how you got here, huh? I carried you back and had the doc in charge check you. He said you’re fine, so why do you keep passing out on me?”
The patient couldn’t help but stare at the other in bewilderment. “Are you serious? Oh god, this is getting more embarrassing with every passing second… I-eh thank you for helping me out man, but can you just forget about everything?”
Khun gave him an unamused look, complete with crossed arms and raised eyebrow. And as serious as this situation might have been, Woo all but burst out laughing. He whined some too, because his rib cage was still not entirely healed and hurt like mad, but he just couldn’t stop.
“I most certainly can’t. And have you gone mad now?”
There was concern in his voice, too, but mostly irritation. He looked at Woo for minutes on end, waiting patiently for him to settle down again.
“I don’t think so, but maybe I did. Not sure. Do mad people usually realise they’re mad? You’re the doctor here.”
“As far as I know, truly mad people are unaware of it, so no, you’re probably just a little out of your right mind. And laughing at me. For no apparent reason. And it doesn’t seem as if you’re going to tell me why anytime soon...”
Woo just waved it away, still not breathing normally. He sighed once and took a deep breath. “It’s just that my memories came back when you told me your name. EVERYTHING. Each snippet that was missing. All the embarrassment and pain, anger and helplessness. All at once. It was too much for me, so I passed out.”
Khun pulled a chair closer to Woo’s bed and sat down. “Tell me what you mean, because I don’t think I ever met you before the day I saved you. And aren’t you glad to have them back?”
Woo rolled his eyes, the other man’s words stinging more than he had expected, but he would rather choke on his own words than let him know about the pain it caused him.
“You see, just because YOU don’t know ME doesn’t mean I don’t know YOU. And no, I wouldn’t mind losing them. For all I care they could stay in their secret corner of my mind, collecting dust. Most are far too embarrassing to even think, let alone speak. And don’t even get me started on the realisations I have to put up with now...”
“Can they really be so bad?”
A dry laughter escaped Woo’s mouth, while he looked as unamused as it gets. “Think about the worst thing you can think of and multiply it with ten. Now you’re close to it. No, seriously, telling you would only make things way worse. So I would appreciate it, if you left me alone now. Thank you for everything, really, but I don’t want to keep this chapter of my life open any longer.”
Khun pouted a little, leaning back on his chair, staring at the other intently. “I’m not even sure what I did to you to deserve this treatment. The least you could do, is tell me what I did to you, to make you so angry.”
Woo groaned in frustration, before he stared him right in the eye, blushing a little, but he decided to ignore it for the sake of his image. “You see, the problem is you never did anything to me. You never noticed me, when all I wanted was to get to know you, spend time with you, maybe become friends, maybe even lo-… Ugh, no, just leave now…”
All of this had caused Khun so much irritation that he simply couldn’t let go of it, so he sat there, holding Woo’s gaze effortlessly. “No. Not until you’ve told me everything.”
“You never cared about my existence before, so why would you suddenly start being interested in me? I’m tired of this. I spent years and years fawning over you from afar. I do not have the energy to continue doing so.”
“Fawning?”
“YES MAN! What are you? A parrot? I developed a huge crush on you back during my first year of high school. There, it’s out. Are you happy? Now get the fuck out and leave me to die in embarrassment!”
Woo was about to turn around in his bed, but Nichkhun grabbed his arm to stop him.
“We went to the same school?”
Another frustrated groan. “Yes, we did. The same university, too, but it was unintended. My point is that I have been longing for someone who is clearly out of my reach for years. And it hurts and is pointless. I don’t want that anymore. I don’t want to see your stupid face whenever I close my eyes or recall the sound of your voice at the most random times. So please, just go away and leave me be…”
“But I’m here now, reaching out, so why don’t you take this chance and get some closure?”
“What closure is there to be gained, when there was nothing right from the very start? It’s not like I ever stood a chance at becoming your friend, let alone more than that. I don’t want to be saved by you. I want more than that. So much more and unless you are ready to give that to me, you can save the effort for someone else…”
“JANG WOOYOUNG, STOP TALKING FOR A SECOND AND LISTEN TO ME FOR ONCE!”
Woo was staring at him as if he’d been struck by lightning, only nodding in response, because this outburst had made him forget about all the excuses he was about to give Nichkhun.
“I will not get out of your life after all that you just told me. Don’t ask me what, but something about your weird behaviour really struck my interest. And I want to get to know you. We’ll see how things will develop from then on, but I refuse to let go of this chance.”
The patient nodded again, the hint of a smile flickering over his lips.
“And now go ahead and tell me when you first noticed me.”
With a red face he began recounting the memories he had just regained. His fingers twisted and turned his sheets, until Khun took his hand gently and held it in place, making Woo smile to himself.
“The first time I noticed you was on your first day at our school. I was almost too late for my afternoon classes when I spotted you walking in front of me. You had an unusual uncertainty to your walk, as if you were considering to turn around and walk away again.
I didn’t think about it at first, but you must have felt really out of place and alone back then, right? To switch schools in the middle of the year, coming from another country, probably not fluent in Korean at all… When I found out about the circumstances, I felt really bad for you.
But I’m glad you were put into the same class as Taecyeon-hyung and Minjun-hyung.”
Khun nodded along, smiling because of his own memories. “Yes, I couldn’t have been luckier. They were a huge help in the beginning. Without them I would have been lost. How come you know them?”
“Oh, Minjunnie-hyung was an assistant to one of my professors in uni. One of my best friends and I usually helped him out with a few things. And Taecyeon-hyung was just always someone I looked up to.”
“I see… Does Minjun know about your crush on me? Because he never even hinted at it.”
Woo panicked, nearly crushing Khun’s hands. “Oh nononono, I never told him. Only Junho and Chansung know about it.”
The Thai gently unwrapped his hands from Woo’s and placed his own on top of them afterwards. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone, if you’re not comfortable with it. But really, why did you never approach me?”
He honestly couldn’t see a reason for this, so he hoped Woo would enlighten him a little.
“I already told you that I was afraid. And didn’t want to invade your world. You seemed so happy with your friends and the girls who were constantly buzzing around you that I figured I had no chance anyway. And I didn’t think I was good enough for you, too. You were such a sweetheart to everyone, and then there was me, bitching over the least important things, being the worst company one could ever wish for…”
Woo sighed and felt like running away, the emptiness inside of him threatening to overwhelm him once more.
But then there was Khun’s hand on his chin, making him look up into his eyes. His skin tingled where the Thai’s skin connected with his.
The slightly taller man smiled softly, his face showing that he really cared.
“Woo, hey, listen to me. I’d love to get to know you better. You seem to be a nice guy, however strange you might have behaved initially. There’s absolutely no need to be disheartened, okay? Just give yourself a chance.”
The patient nodded hesitantly, sighing just for the sake of a little defiance.
“Fine, I’ll try."
Khun's smile widened before he nodded and pushed himself off of his chair.
"Great, I'll take your word for it... And I'm really sorry, but my shift starts in a bit, so I have to go now."
The Thai scratched his neck nervously which made Woo's face fall, since he expected a cheap excuse.
However, much to his surprise, Khun made him an offer then.
"I have tomorrow off, so how about this? I'll pick you up at lunch, we'll eat and spend the afternoon together? Maybe walk around a little, just what you want. I'd love to hear your story. What you like, what you dislike, which common interests we have... I mean, only if you're okay with it, of course. I don't intend to invade your privacy."
Woo couldn't help but laugh at the surprisingly cute behaviour of the Thai, making Khun frown at him.
"I'm sorry, Khun, I swear I'm not laughing about you. It's just that you didn't strike me as the cute type. But I think it suits you. I mean you can pull it off without appearing unmanly. Please stop me, or I'll talk myself into hell's kitchen..."
While Woo face palmed Khun grinned at him, shaking his head slightly.
"Won't happen, because you are far too intriguing like that. Anyway, you haven't answered yet..."
The patient blushed, his eyes averted.
And then he spoke, his words barely audible.
"I would love that. Spend time with you, learn about you, too, and tell you about myself, if you really want me to."
When he looked up, the genuine smile on Khun's face was still there and as much as he tried to fight it, he had to smile back.
Khun took his hand then, squeezed it once and winked. "See you tomorrow, Wooyoung-ah."
Woo nodded, still beaming like the sun. "Yes, have a nice shift, Khun."
As soon as the other had left the room, Woo sighed deeply, his eyes focusing on the solkatter on the wall. He still saw Khun's face in it, but it gave him a different feeling now. He felt all warm and fuzzy and if he was truly honest with himself, the butterflies from years ago were back.
'Today love smiled on me.'
He felt like shouting it out of the window, like writing it on walls and calling his best friends and parents now to shout it at them, too.
His phone was taken out in no time, the number dialed in what seemed like light speed. And then he waited. Endless seconds passing until he heard the voice mail answering.
"JUNHO, CHANSUNG, I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOING! I JUST WANTED TO CALL YOU DICKHEADS TO LET YOU KNOW THAT I FIGURED OUT WHO KHUN IS!"
He hung up with a gigantic smirk on his face, counting the minutes until his phone started ringing.
"How did you figure it out?" That was Chan, sounding very hoarse and Woo could have sworn he caught Junho giggling in the background, before he heard naked flesh being slapped, followed by an outraged 'Ow!'
"Don't tell me you guys are still fucking like bunnies."
"Yah, stop answering with questions of your own, Jang Wooyoung. My fiancé asked you a question."
Woo smirked wider, wondering whether he should hang up and make a video call.
"Judging by the butt slapping noise just now, I assume you're still naked?"
"As the day we were born. You sound like you want to see that for yourself?" Junho, as always being the worse of the two.
Woo replied in a drawl, rolling his eyes so hard, he hoped they would feel it.
"Yes, of course, you know how much I love seeing your naked asses... No, seriously, I need to see your potato faces when I tell you, so cover up, okay?"
"Fine..." Junho hung up immediately, leaving Woo to stare at his phone, still a little taken aback by how rude the older of his best friends could be.
A few seconds later, his phone rang again, revealing two more or less clothed men draped over each other on their sofa.
"Who are you and what have you done with our best friend?" Chan started, staring at him in irritation, while Junho went on:
"Is that a smile on your face? Is it contagious? Have you been taken by aliens?"
Woo gave them a raised brow, the smile still refusing to disappear entirely, though.
"Listen, you little shits, I'd love to bicker with you, but I have no brain capacity left for that. I know who Khun is."
Chan felt like pointing out that they already knew that.
"Shut up and listen. I know who he is, because he works here and I met him today. Well, to be honest, he was the one who rescued me. One of the ambulance guys..."
"ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! HOW ROMANTIC IS THAT?! Why haven't you saved me like that yet, Channie?"
"JUNHO, STOP FLIRTING WITH YOUR FIANCÉ AND LISTEN!"
The squinty eyed of the two eyed him with eyes so tiny that Woo burst out laughing. He felt so elated, it was no longer normal.
"I can flirt with him whenever I feel like it, you fucker." The patented Junho pout followed and made Chan crush him in a bear hug which in turn put silly smiles on both of their faces.
"How am I supposed to lead a normal conversation with two lovestruck fools? Anyway, so I met him. And blacked out. Twice. Which ended up with him bringing me back to my room." He decided not to mention the fact that Khun had carried him there. Too dangerous.
"So he talked to you?"
"Yes, Channie, we talked and somehow I ended up mentioning and denying my crush on him in the same sentence. That led to enquiries from his side and long story short, we agreed to meet again tomorrow. He asked me to spend the afternoon with him after our lunch together..."
They smiled softly. It was Junho who asked: "So, is this a date?"
"Honestly, I'm not sure."
"Well, okay, but are you happy?"
"Fuck yeah, I've rarely been happier than right now."
"Then it's good. Enjoy the date and don't pressure yourself, alright?"
"Of course I will. And I'll try not to scare him away. But really, you two, I feel like love has really smiled on me today. It's so weird, I don't know what to do or say, let alone how this might develop..."
Chan chuckled, trying to be objective with his advice: "Listen Woo, stop using your head all the time and just follow what your heart tells you. Be yourself and try not to give him a fake image. You deserve to be loved for who you truly are, good and bad traits included. Don't settle for less than that."
Junho nodded along, smiling fondly at Woo, as soon as his fiancé had finished.
"He's right, Woo. Don't force yourself and you'll be fine."
"Do you really think so?"
Both men nodded full of conviction.
It was hard for Woo to believe them and even harder to believe in himself, but he tried.
And with each day he spent with Khun, he started to trust him more, discover facets he had been unaware of before. He realised that Nichkhun was just as imperfect as he was, but together they were perfect.
Khun shared his interest in architecture, so it was through his influence that Woo eventually found the confidence to pick up his studies again.
Their friendship developed into something deeper when Woo took the initiative one night while they were out on a date with Junho and Chansung, Minjun and Taecyeon and their respective girlfriends.
The others were never really secretive with their hints and remarks regarding Woo's and Khun's relationship. But so far neither Khun nor Woo had initiated a talk about it.
They had exchanged keys to their apartments, but that was it, no kissing, only some brushing of their hands, hugs that lasted longer than necessary.
And during that particular night, Woo finally found his courage, so he motioned Khun to follow him outdoors for a bit.
The rest of the group remained at their table, exchanging knowing smiles.
As soon as they stepped outside, Woo pulled Khun to a less crowded corner of the parking lot, through the gates and into the little park nearby. He sat down on a bench, patting the wood next to himself.
Khun hesitated for a second, before he sank down as well.
"It seems as if you have to tell me something, Wooyoungie."
The smaller nodded and gazed into the distance.
"Yes, indeed I do. I... you see, we've seen each other for months now. You changed my life in more ways than I could have imagined. You helped me believe in myself and I am grateful for that. But my feelings for you are still there. I want you in every possible way. Not just as a friend. I want to be with you, kiss you, touch you, become one with you..."
"But?" Khun had known this all along. He had never expected anything different. Wooyoung had always been honest with him, but the Thai needed to be honest too.
"I fear this might be crossroads for us, if you don't want the same."
Khun nodded, his face serious and very thoughtful about the next words he was going to speak.
"I see. And believe me, when I say this, please. I feel the same pull. You're everything I could ever wish for at this point in my life. But I have a wish I can't let go of. I want a family one day, with my own children..."
Woo stared at him, grasping the meaning of what he meant to say with this.
"So, you want to be with me right now... but can't promise me forever?"
Woo's voice was void of emotion, his reason the part of him that was speaking now. Khun's nod was all he needed.
"You're giving me a way out, aren't you? To avoid the heartbreak that you'll bring me one day..."
Another nod. "Yes, I don't want to hurt you. But I know I will on the long run. And still I can't let you leave my life entirely. It's selfish, I know..."
That's when Wooyoung realised he was unable to simply walk away from him at this point. However short-lived this might be, he wanted Nichkhun whole. Not just a tiny fraction of the man he had grown so fond of.
So he turned to the side, facing him now.
"Khunnie."
The Thai looked at him, his eyes filled with fear of the words that would follow.
"Even if you warn me, I cannot let go of you. There's no way of knowing what the future brings. A few months back I wouldn't have expected to ever meet you again. And look at us now, sitting here, talking about a possible future.
I don't care about tomorrow, but I know I want to spend today with you. I can't guarantee anything. But what I feel for you is the beginning of something that might turn into deep and unconditional love one day. So please, be with me, against the odds the future might bring."
He put his arms around Khun's neck then, pulling him closer until their lips met in a kiss that was softer than expected, but still full of everything they were unable to convey with words.
✧✧✧
But sometimes we need to speak the words that can’t be spoken, find the impossible truth inside of us or else two paths might easily disentangle again.
Main Character: Wooyoung
Pairing: Khunyoung (minor Chanho)
Warnings: hints at sexual content, fluff, angst, CAPS, language, weirdness, solkatter
Word count: 10,115
Prompt 1: Today love smiled on me
Prompt 2: http://flic.kr/p/7xkRbd
Prompt 3: Amnesia
Two paths that have been running alongside each other for years were finally about to cross through a twist of fate.
✧✧✧
He had been counting the hours until the expected call finally came.
It was a video call actually, his two best friends waving at him through the phone screen.
He grimaced at them and covered his eyes, which made them laugh like mad. “Ugh, will you two PLEASE cover yourselves?! Or is that part of the punishment for ratting you out?”
The squinty eyed of his friends threw him a glare then. “You’re damned lucky that you’re not here right now… They arrived when Channie was about to go down on me… After a month of not doing ANYTHING at all.”
“YUCK, JUNHO, WILL YOU SPARE ME THE DETAILS PLEASE?!”
“YAH, STOP SCREAMING AT ME, WOODONG-AH! And shut up, I’m not done telling you what happened...”
Wooyoung still pulled a face, but remained silent.
“So we were… intimate with each other, and they did what they always do. Disturb us. Thanks to you, I might add. Anyway, you recall my graduation gift for Channie? Turns out the little shit really liked it...”
“Don’t call me little shit to his face, you little fuck.”
Woo tried to avoid it, but he still caught a glimpse of Junho shutting his boyfriend up with an unnecessarily deep kiss.
“Guys, I’m really happy for you two, you know that, but is all this really necessary?”
Both of them sent him a glare then, but started giggling a second after it. “You haven’t heard the fun part of the story yet, Wooyoungie.”
That was Chan, usually the calmer and less dangerous of the two. Highly depending on the situation of course.
But Wooyoung hoped for less details from him, so he nodded and sighed. “Go on then.”
Chansung smiled widely and moved Junho’s left hand closer to the camera.
“Do you see this? Guess what it is!”
Woo stared at his screen, trying to figure out what he saw. “A ring? Is that a braid inside? And what’s with the red drops?” He gasped then, mouth hanging open for a while as the realisation hit him. “CHANSUNG, YOU CRAZY BASTARD! DID YOU ACTUALLY PROPOSE TO HIM WITHOUT ME BEING AROUND TO LAUGH AT YOU TWO FOR BEING SO OLD SCHOOL?! I HATE YOU, MAN!”
“YAH! WILL YOU STOP SCREAMING AT MY FUCKING FIANCÉ, JANG WOOYOUNG?!”
“SHUT UP, LEE JUNHO! I’M NOT DONE WITH YOUR MAN YET!”
Chan was laughing in the background, while Junho was huffing angrily and staring Woo down through the screen.
The latter took a deep breath and sighed once more. “You don’t have to be so overprotective of him all the time, Junho. Seriously, of course I don’t hate you. But my little heart is in pain because you two evil shits did this without me.”
He put on his distressed expression and actually succeeded in making them feel a little bad. And making them laugh despite that, because they had never been able to take him serious with THAT expression.
“We’re sorry, Woo, really. But it seemed the right situation somehow...” Chan started to apologise, but Junho cut him off, his grin a little too smug for Wooyoung’s taste.
“Yeah, just the perfect situation. Naked and completely on edge. You should totally propose like that too, when the time comes, Wooyoung-ah.” He spoke the words sweetly, but the images they evoked were much more difficult to handle.
“Junho, I told you to stop giving me details!”
“Like I care…” He poked his tongue at the oldest and was done with him then, leaving Woo staring at the screen in frustration.
“What a disrespectful little shit you are, Junho. Treating your poor hyung like that.”
“Ne, hyung. That’s just what you deserve for sending them after us when you were completely aware what we were going to do first thing we arrived here...”
“He has a point there, you know? You could have given us a few hours at least, Wooyoungie.”
He gasped dramatically and put his hand on his heart. “You’re stabbing me in the back too, Chansungie? I would have expected it from squinty eyes there, but you? My precious bear?”
“Even a bear has his priorities, okay? So, don’t try to make him feel guilty, when you are the one in the wrong, Woo. Either way, our parents know about the proposal, too. And you better be a brilliant best man and help us with all the preparations…”
“You’re making me best man? Both of you?”
Junho rolled his eyes in annoyance and smiled once Chan had bitten his shoulder lovingly. “No, I was talking to the guy behind you… Of course you’re going to be our best man! Who else is even remotely deserving of that position?”
Woo poked his tongue at the younger two then. “Stop it already, Chan. I know what you’re doing there, and I don’t want to witness this, okay?! And fine, I guess I’ll be the best man then. Now, when will you two lovebirds be back here? And when will the wedding take place?”
Chan mumbled it against the skin of Junho’s shoulder, so Woo understood next to nothing. “Can you NOT mumble it to Junho? He already knows this.”
Chan looked up at him with dark eyes then, making Woo shiver a little, because he wasn’t used to this side of the gentle man.
Junho practically purred the words, patting Chan’s arms that were wrapped around his torso. “There there, Channie, go on, I will tell him.”
The tallest of the three went back to whatever he had been doing to his fiancé before and that left Junho suspiciously breathless.
“I’m so done with you two…” Wooyoung face palmed and sighed for the umpteenth time in the last fifteen minutes or so.
“Now, it seems that you’re still not even remotely finished with your catching up.”
“Far from it…” Junho chipped in with a silly grin plastered on his face and his eyes tightly closed.
“To think that you two aren’t even able to keep your hands away from each other for fifteen minutes… Not even after all these years… Anyway, please enlighten me as to when I’ll bear witness to this unification of two lovers.”
“Yeees…”
“LEE JUNHO, HWANG CHANSUNG, FOCUS! I refuse to witness THAT kind of unification!”
Junho’s eyes snapped open and he took a few seconds to focus on Woo again. “Sorry… Eh, we’re thinking at the end of August? And we’ll be back in a couple of days.”
A dry laughter escaped his throat, but Woo gave them an ‘Are you fucking serious’-look a second later. “You are aware that this is just around the corner and we have a ton of stuff to plan? How can you be so calm about this? It isn’t even MY wedding and I’m freaking out already!”
“Woo, do me a favour and sit down, count to ten and breathe deeply. We don’t want a huge feast or anything. There will only be a handful of guests anyway, just family and close friends. This is no royal wedding, okay? Don’t make a fuss about it, promise?”
Chan looked at him with his wise eyes and Woo felt calmer already, seeing their point. They had never been too public with their relationship, so a wedding like that sounded much more like them.
“Okay, fine, no coach pulled by white horses then? And what about the pretty dress I already planned for Junho?”
“Oh, get the fuck out, man!”
“I’ll take that as a no then... Chan?” Woo looked at him hopeful, but got an unamused stare back.
“Thanks, I’ll pass too”
“You two are no fun at all. Meh, such spoilsports.”
The two on the other end grinned then and blew him some kisses. “We love you too, Woodongie. Shall we pass on some greetings from your traitor ass to the rest of the stalkers?”
The oldest nodded with a fond smile on his face. “Of course, and make sure to tell them to contact me about the wedding, too, okay? As for you two... Have fun and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!”
He winked and waved at them and waited for them to wave back, before he hung up.
So, he had a wedding to plan now. Brilliant.
'Seriously, how did I end up being their best friend?'
A deep sigh and last sip of his coffee later he rose from his sofa and grabbed his keys, wallet and phone before stepping out into the world to get some groceries.
Woo was still getting used to the fact that these two were really going to tie the knot and become a family now. And then there was him, no relationship, no intention to have a serious one anytime soon and, worst of all, not even a plan for the near future in general.
That’s when it hit him. Literally.
He was too lost in his thoughts to notice that he was crossing the street while the traffic lights were red. Neither did he notice the car that was approaching him, until it hit him.
He rolled over the windscreen and landed heavily on the pavement, hitting his head badly. All he thought was: ‘Fuck.” and then he lost consciousness.
When he came to his senses again, someone was shouting instructions to someone he was unable to see. The guy who was staring down at him now and blinding him with a white light looked suspiciously like the captain of a ship in an ancient porno he had watched with Chansung and Junho years ago. Cheesy 70s porn music kept on running through his head as he kept staring at the man who appeared to be talking to him.
“... were hit by a car and have a few broken ribs and bruises. Probably a concussion. We’re taking you to a hospital now, Mister Jang.”
Woo’s vision was starting to blur again, the image of this guy from the ambulance shifting between his current clothes and the uniform of the captain from the porno. Things were taking a turn for the weirder when the guy smiled warmly at him.
Woo could have sworn he knew him from somewhere. Other than from that porno, of course. But the harder he thought about it the more he lost hold of his memories. All he could recall was a word. A name perhaps. He was unsure, because of its foreign sound.
‘Khun.’
Soon enough his head started to hurt too much to stay awake, so he closed his eyes again and handed himself over to peaceful unconsciousness.
His body was one great pain when he resurfaced again. He was staring at a plain white ceiling in a generic hospital room, the smell of antiseptics and general sickness clinging to him like a lover.
He had never been fond of hospitals, but now that he was a patient in it, the situation looked even worse.
A sudden panic grabbed a hold of him and he had to move all his aching limbs to make sure everything was still where it should be. Woo groaned because of the effort and spikes of pain it sent through his body, but he had rarely been more happy about it, too.
Pain meant everything was still in its rightful place after all, but he felt anxious to get up and get out of there really quickly.
He was about to sit up, when he heard the door to his room being opened.
“Oh god, Chan, he is awake, hurry!”
Before he had the chance to even turn his head in the direction of the noise, he was hugged by four arms, making him moan in even more pain.
“Ow, stop it, I’m fragile!” he croaked, surprised by how hoarse he sounded.
“Yah, you silly thing, how dare you run into a car and land yourself in hospital?! You’re really stubborn when it comes to sabotaging our reunion, Woo. But thank goodness you’re alive and kicking.”
Looking to his right he saw a guy with a very familiar smile, and on his left was a smaller guy with squinty eyes, trying to suppress some sobs.
“I hate you, Jang Wooyoung. I didn’t need my other best friend in here as well. Not after what Channie went through back in the day. Don’t expect me to confess to you as well, just because you’re in the hospital now, okay?”
He heard the words, but his brain was far too laggy to make sense of them, so he stared at the smaller guy blankly.
“Junho, he has a concussion, give him a chance to compute all that.”
He shifted his gaze between them, as they stared at each other for seconds on end, before both looked down at him again, smiles back on their faces.
The guy called Junho squeezed his hand reassuringly, while the one called Channie was patting his arm.
“Eh, I remember the accident. But who are you two actually?”
Their faces froze for a while, falling in sync a little later. As serious as the situation might have been, he couldn’t suppress a chuckle at their weird antics. It seemed that they were really working on the same wave length.
“I’m sorry, but do I know you? You look familiar, but…”
It was the Junho person who replied dryly: “We’re your best friends, Wooyoung. HOW ON EARTH CAN YOU FORGET YOUR BEST FRIENDS, MAN?!”
His face was twisted in something between anger and frustration, until the other guy reached out and squeezed his hand tightly. It sufficed to make the smaller relax again and sigh.
“I know it’s not his fault, Chansung. I know. It’s just such a shitty situation to be in, seeing your favourite people in the world hurting so much and not being able to do anything to make it better…”
“Hush, baby, I’m sure Woo will remember everything in no time and be back to his old self. I have faith in you, Wooyoungie.”
Chansung smiled at the patient then and nodded once. And even if Woo didn’t recall them in that very moment, he was certain that they were very close to him and that the taller guy was right.
“It might help, if you told me a few things we did together? Memorable stuff… And, I’m really sorry to ask you such m questions, but does ‘Khun’ ring a bell to you? Because it’s something that has been flickering through my head ever since the accident…”
They exchanged a knowing look, but no word was spoken, until Junho looked at Wooyoung again. “Eh, it’s probably better, if you figure this out on your own, Woo. These memories might be too much to handle in your condition.”
“Oh, okay… So, when will I be able to leave?”
Chansung laughed dryly. “You have a few more days to go, Wooyoungie. A few broken ribs will heal at home, too, but the doc said they’ll keep you here to see how your concussion develops. And I guess they might want to test you more thoroughly, because of this amnesia. But we’ll visit you whenever you want us to.”
Woo smiled sadly. “Thank you. I think I really appreciate that.”
The other two grinned at the weird way their best friend was speaking to them, but went in for another hug, this time not as tight.
“Don’t worry, we’ll bring you lots of photos and old videos. We’ll get your memories back in no time, okay? You can rely on us, Woodong-ah.”
He felt really warm and fuzzy in their embrace, his instincts telling him to trust them and believe they would make everything right again. And then a sudden flash of a memory hit him.
It was a similar scene, only that he wasn’t the one in the hospital bed, but a boy who resembled Chansung.
Wooyoung and another boy were hugging the patient in a similar fashion, whispering soothing words to him while they embraced him. The other boy had tears on his face and looked extremely distressed, but somewhat happy at the same time.
The boy’s squinty eyes were what convinced him eventually that he was really remembering a scene from his past, with these two in it.
He cleared his throat once, then a second time, finally chuckling awkwardly. “I… think I might have remembered a little something? Did Junho and I visit you in the hospital in our early teenage years perhaps?“
Chan stared at him in awe for a few seconds, before he grinned widely and nodded his head. “That was when I broke my leg, yes. See? It’s slowly coming back.”
“So typical for you to remember me in one of my ugliest moments, Woo… All tearful and puffy because of that little shit over there.”
Chan only beamed at him, completely unfazed by the remark. “I was still very much in love with you. Maybe even more so, because you cared so much.”
That made Junho smile to himself and cast his eyes down. “Stop it, Chan.”
Woo followed that exchange curiously, trying to figure a few things out.
“Sooo, you two are my best friends… But you’re dating each other?”
Chan nodded at him while Junho beamed like the sun. “We’re actually engaged since yesterday. And told you about it this morning… Well, before you had your accident. Then we came back as soon as we could to check on you.”
“Oh.”
“Yes, oh sums it up quite well. Anyway, we’re glad you’re still in one piece. Your parents were informed too, so they should arrive here soon. In the meantime, we’ll go to your apartment and pack a few things for your stay here, okay? Or do you want one of us to stay here with you?”
Junho was already about to move to the door, when Woo took his hand and squeezed it. “It’s fine, I’ll be fine. I think I need some time to digest everything, so go ahead and go together. I’m not going anywhere in this state…”
“We’ll be back in no time, Woo. Rest well and get better soon, okay? Do you want something special to eat?”
He thought about it for a while, not really sure what he preferred when it came to food, but suddenly his mouth started watering as the image of chicken appeared in front of his inner eye. “Chicken, something with chicken.”
Chansung chuckled happily at that, patting his shoulder lightly. “That’s the Woo we know and love. We’ll get you something tasty on the way back here, okay? See you in a bit, Woodongie!”
With a last squeeze of his shoulder the two went away, entwining hands as they were heading for the door. He couldn’t help but smile at their obvious affection.
But he hadn’t been lying, when he said he needed time for himself now. The pain was getting worse again and he really felt like sleeping for as long as possible. So he closed his eyes, pondering on why they had refused to tell him about ‘Khun’.
The images in his head kept twisting and turning, a familiar face popping up from time to time. Seriously, what was this obsession with that weird captain from the old porno? But the image dissolved and shifted, turning into the same face with different surroundings.
The guy’s smile was far too bright, so he fought to close his eyes, only to realise that they were already closed tightly. The guy still kept on smiling, no matter how hard Woo tried to think about anything else. Safe to say that it annoyed him to no end.
Eventually he had come to accept the omnipresence of this guy’s face in his mind and decided it might help to analyse his features down to the small wrinkles in the corners of his eyes. He counted the hairs of his thick eyebrows, imagined how they would crawl over his face and felt how his lips curled upwards in a grin. Then he counted his lashes and analysed the shifting nuances of brown that formed his irides.
He marveled at the beautiful curve of his lips. And gosh, was he being girly right now, but the only word that seemed appropriate to describe the guy's face was 'angelic'.
Woo had to fight against the urge to barf, because he had most certainly never thought about a guy as angelic before and he was quite sure the accident had left a bigger impact on his brain than he had expected initially.
He groaned in pain as he tried to adjust his position a little, but realised it might not be the best idea. So he remained the way he was, his butt slowly falling asleep.
At this rate his butt would be practically non-existent by the time he got out of here. But what to do? He had been stupid enough to run into this car and now he had to pay the price.
"This sucks. Stupid car, stupid ribs, stupid best friends..."
"Now now, you don't mean that, my boy."
It was a female voice, full of warmth and as comfortable as a hug.
His eyes shot open, only to shift towards the door and see if he recognised the woman.
Mum. "Mum! Dad! You're here!"
His parents smiled at him as if they were seeing a little child.
"What are we going to do with you, huh? Always finding yourself in some sort of trouble, Wooyoungie. But how come you remember us? Channie called to let us know about your amnesia."
Woo rolled his eyes and shrugged, only to curse in the most colourful ways afterwards.
"Ow, shoot, I'm sorry for the cursing, but I tend to forget about the wounds and then this happens... Anyway, I haven't forgotten everything. Just a few things. But I'm glad you're here, honestly. I missed you."
He looked at them longingly, waiting for them to come over and comfort him. He really needed someone to hold on to. A fixed spot in the mess that his life had turned into recently.
And they were there, gathering him in a hug that spoke of better days to come.
A while later his best friends returned as well, catching up with everyone and recounting all the important events from their shared past, so Woo could fill some of the blanks.
But neither one had ever mentioned ‘Khun’ and he was extremely irritated by it.
“Will any of you tell me about ‘Khun’?”
They looked at him in silence, waiting for who might reply first. It was Woo’s mother who shook her head.
“This is a chapter you best recover on your own, my dear.”
He all but groaned in frustration. “Why? Can it really be so bad that you refuse to talk about it?”
“It’s not exactly bad, but… we lack the necessary insight to tell you, so it has to come from yourself, Woodongie. And it will come back, don’t worry.” Chan squeezed his hand a little and nodded at him reassuringly, the others joining in, too.
All they heard was a deep sigh, before the patient flashed them a tired smile. “Fine, I’ll stop asking you… For now.”
His friends winked at him then, and his parents smiled happily. “That’s the boy we raised.”
He grinned, but with very little energy left. “I certainly hope so. Anyway, please don’t misunderstand me, I love having you around, but I’m exhausted. And I think the doc should check in on me quite soon…”
“Hush, my son, we’re going home now. Get some rest and don’t worry too much about your memories. They will return eventually. Your mother and I will stay at your apartment until you leave the hospital, if that’s okay with you?”
Woo looked at them as if they had grown a second head just this very second. “Eh, sure, no problem… Junho and Chan have a spare key, but you can get mine.”
They nodded and took the key from his belongings, saying goodbye afterwards.
As soon as they were out of the door, his smile fell and panic was written all over his face. “Fuck, my apartment looks like a mess. There’s random stuff everywhere. And I didn’t hide my ‘stuff’ very good either.”
Chan’s big hand grabbed his then, squeezing it for the umpteenth time that day. “Don’t worry, I cleaned up a little when we were there… And Junho, well...”
“I found your secret stash and decided it might be better to remove it from your apartment temporarily, you perv. Seriously, I thought the two of us were kinky, but that was a whole new level of extravagant, Woo. I approve.”
“I’m not even sure what this stash included…”
The apparent unawareness of his best friend put a bright smile on Junho’s face which, in turn, made Wooyoung fear for what he was about to hear.
“Oh, you know, just a little bit of this and that. Oh, and plenty of THAT.”
That’s when it hit Woo. Like a train. His face fell immediately. “Nonononono. Not THAT. No, I refuse to acknowledge THAT.”
Chan beamed at him then. “Oh, but we had plenty of fun buying THAT for you, don’t you remember? The day we decided to get you an ‘adult’ present for your 18th birthday? I have such fond memories of this day…”
Chansung got side-eyed by both of them then. Hard.
“Yah, wipe that perverted grin of your face, Hwang. We’re so not doing THAT again. I couldn’t sit normally for DAYS. And… Oh no. DON’T YOU DARE USE YOUR PUPPY DOG EYES ON ME, YOU FUCKER!”
Clearly having a death wish, the giant among the three defied his loving demon fiancé and used it despite the warning, making Junho groan in frustration and look at Woo for help.
“Tell him to stop, Wooyoungie. I’m powerless against this. This demon with an angel’s face will lure me into his lair and do unspeakable things to me. Which I WILL tell you about in full detail…Please help me, hyung.”
The only thing Woo did do was roll his eyes at them and their weird antics. Even harder so when Chan pulled Junho into a hug and covered his neck in butterfly kisses, making his fiancé giggle like a girl.
“You brought this upon yourself, Junho. And don’t even try to convince me that you don’t love every second of this. You two are beyond salvation. Now go and make some babies, or whatever it is that you guys do in your freetime.”
The silly couple cooed at him in response, letting go of each other, before Chan tried to cheer him up. “Aw, don’t be grumpy, Woo. You’ll find your special someone one of these days, too. I’m sure love will smile on you very soon.”
Wooyoung’s reply sounded much grumpier than intended, but still very appropriate. “Who says I’m looking for a special someone? Love is just not the thing for me. An occasional bed adventure is all I’m after...”
Junho crossed his arms in front of his chest, looking at him with brows raised so high that they disappeared behind his fringe. “Are you trying to make US believe that or are you trying to convince yourself, Jang Wooyoung? Because we’ve had this talk close to a million times already and the bottom line is always that you want someone to complete you. Someone to love you with all your flaws and edges. Someone who doesn’t try to change you, but accepts you for who you are.”
“WILL YOU STOP TALKING ABOUT IT ALREADY?! I know that I want all of that, Junho. I know. But it’s not like love hits you like a car. And yes, I get to make that joke, because I KNOW HOW IT FEELS TO BE HIT BY A FREAKING CAR. FUCK!”
He was on the verge of tears already, not even remembering everything yet, but it was still enough to make him realise that his life was empty and directionless at the moment. And it hurt, it hurt so much to see the happiness his best friends had.
By no means did he want to take their happiness from them, but he was tired of seeing what he could have had. He was tired of the pain it brought him and tired of considering himself a bad friend for being jealous about their happiness. He was just so, so tired of everything.
Barely audible he spoke to them, his eyes downcast. “I’m sorry for the outburst just now, guys. And I’m sorry if this might seem ungrateful, but can you please go now? I love you with all my heart, you know that, but I have no strength anymore. I’m so tired. Please go home and come visit me tomorrow, if you feel like it. Thank you so much for coming back here for my sake and being the best friends one could ever hope for. I don’t deserve you, really. But I’m glad I have you.”
The two visitors looked at him with concern, but nodded eventually, knowing there was nothing they could do for now. He had always been someone to figure out his problems on his own, and if they were able to help, he would let them know. So they bowed down, capturing him in a loving hug, which made him feel somewhat peaceful again.
“If there is anything we can do, Woodongie, please don’t be afraid to call. We’ll always be there for you, okay?”
“Yes, no matter how late it is, we’ll come running to you.”
The patient nodded, a tired smile on his face. “I know, guys, I know. And I’m grateful for it. But I’m good now. The staff here will take care of me for the night. And I really need some time for myself anyway. So go ahead, I’ll promise to get back to my old self quite soon and annoy the living daylights out of you for being such evil little shits to your hyung. But I love you, I really do. In a purely brotherly way, of course... Geez, Junho, stop it. I will not take your bear from you!”
He chuckled at the way Junho was sneering at him, his hands holding his fiancé’s possessively. Chan was just beaming like the lovestruck fool he was, when Junho was concerned and especially when the smaller made it clear that the giant belonged to him and only him.
“I’m still having my eyes on you, Wooyoung…”
He chuckled violently at that, considering to get up and kick their asses to make a point, but deciding that it might be too painful after all. “Seriously you two, get out of here and fuck each other’s brains out. I can see there’s still plenty of energy left in you. Shoo, away with you.”
The two smiled at him appreciatively and gave him another quick hug, followed by two pecks at both of his cheeks.
“Ew, stop it! Gosh, can you be more gay?” He laughed heartily, pushing them away a little.
“I fear we’ve reached the limit, darling. But we’ll get you there eventually.” That was Chan, winking at him in the cheesiest way possible.
Junho all but wiggled his brows, smirking at him, while he hooked his arm around Chan’s, waving at their best friend then.
“See you tomorrow, you pretty thing you.” Junho, forever keeping up his image of an evil tease.
“Yah, come here and let me show you how much of a pretty thing I am, you little shit!”
Junho walked away then, shaking his head no, a helplessly shrugging Chan in tow. “See you, Woo.”
“Goodnight, guys. Make me proud, okay? And I will haunt your asses, if you lay a hand on my secret stash. This is entirely off limits to you!”
“Whatever, Woo…”
They winked and were out of the door, leaving him with a tiny smile that disappeared all too soon as he became aware of the emptiness of his room and even more depressing, the emptiness inside of himself.
The days passed in a hazy blur of pain and endless visits. He was glad about them, but they reminded him of how unable he was to actually move around freely and come and go as he pleased. While the doctor had told him to walk around the hospital grounds to get some fresh air and exercise his aching muscles, he was still not allowed to go home.
And even worse than the days were the endless nights full of dreams about some lost memories. Always this stupid face of this stupid captain from that stupid porno haunting him. He was beyond tired, trying to stay awake as long as possible to avoid these dreams, but always failing.
Woo wasn’t sure when this had become his daily routine, but he started to see the guy’s face while awake too. Be it in his food, in the patterns of the wallpaper or the spectrum of the light the sun cast on the walls as he shone through the window at a weird angle. He had read about a wonderful word for this phenomenon once while he was reading about an amazing house that was almost entirely built out of glass. The word was solkatt, Swedish for sun cat and he had fallen in love with it ever since he had first read it.
He realised he was really going mad, remembering such seemingly pointless things. And it happened at an alarming rate. But there was nothing to be done about it, since he had still not regained any memory regarding this guy and his friends and parents still refused to tell him about this ‘Khun’.
One day when he really felt as if the ceiling was about to come crashing down on him, he got up and decided to take a walk outdoors.
Architecture had always interested him and in the garden behind the hospital there was a very futuristic yet amazing mixture of a statue and a building. A winding path led up to it, but it was separated by a tiny channel. This path had evoked some emotions he couldn’t really place at the moment, probably due to the lack of memories that were connected to it. He couldn’t be sure, so he had been staring at the path and the statue for hours now, still not entirely able to grasp what the creator of it might have had in mind while building it, but what did it matter, anyway?
The point was, that he had lost the sense of his impending madness in the waves and loops of it. And that was all that mattered. He stared at the statue without thinking about anything at all and yet everything became perfectly clear while he did.
It was the simplest and yet most complicated thing he had ever seen, if that made sense. Just like love. It’s apparent in the tiniest gestures and yet it is such a complex emotion. Maybe he had been looking at love wrongly all the time. Maybe he had wanted too much and searched for it in the wrong places. Maybe the tiny little things were what truly gave you the ability to love and be loved by someone.
Just when this realisation had hit him, he was pulled out of his thoughts by a familiar voice speaking to him from behind his back.
“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”
Woo turned around to look who was talking to him, but once he spotted his face, he felt like being hit by a car. Again.
It was the porno captain/ambulance guy who had saved him. And he felt nauseous for some reason, because a voice in his head kept screaming ‘KHUN’.
“Eh, what is?”
The guy pointed at the statue then, smiling patiently. “The statue.”
“Oh.” Woo looked at it again, his head turning in what felt like slow motion. “Yes.”
“I’ve noticed you coming here for a few days now. This place is usually deserted, but lately you keep showing up…”
Woo had trouble following his words, the slowed down slur making little to no sense at all. “Yes.”
The guy looked at him strangely, something between concern and irritation. “Are you okay? You seem a little distracted?”
“‘m fine…” That’s when the blackness hit him, gathering him in a hug similar to that of a lover’s.
He came to a couple of minutes later, lying on a bench, staring up at the blinding sun and wondering what had happened, until a face appeared far too close to his own, making him jump in surprise.
“Holy sh… don’t scare me like that, man!”
The guy just smiled in relief, moving away a little further and nodding at Woo.
“Fine sorry, but you were the one who scared me in the first place. I’m not used to my conversation partners suddenly passing out. But your pulse is stable and you don’t have a fever…”
“Yah, don’t touch me so nonchalantly!” Woo rose in a hurry which made him dizzy, so the stranger had to stabilise him again.
“If you refrain from sudden movements for a second, I promise no more touching will be necessary. Sheesh, I’m just trying to help you, man. No need to be so aggressive. This is my job after all.”
“Your what?” Wooyoung stared at his suspected saviour as if he had a horn growing out of his forehead.
“My job. I’m part of an ambulant rescue team. A doctor so to say. Not with the title yet, but I still try to save as many people as possible. You being one of them. Twice now.”
The stranger looked on edge, as if he expected Woo to jump at him any second “Hell, can you not look so murderous for a second, please? All I did was make sure you stay alive…”
This made the patient realise how freaked out he must have looked just now, so he relaxed visibly, shaking his head to clear it of the remains of strange memories buzzing around in there.
“I’m sorry, but this amnesia is getting the better of me. I haven’t even had a chance to thank you for saving me, …eh, what was your name again?”
The stranger smiled genuinely and held out his hand. “Nichkhun Buck Horvejkul. Or Khun, if you prefer that. People from around here usually have trouble pronouncing my name, so the short version is fine.”
Woo stared at the hand, then at him, back at the hand and back at him again. His eyes widened in disbelief, before the blackness hit him once more. Painfully. Breathtakingly. Mercilessly.
He woke up in his bed, trying to figure out what had happened and realising he had no idea. Then he heard someone rummaging around in his bathroom. He wondered whether he had fallen asleep during one of his friends’ or parents’ visits, but couldn’t spot any clothes or bags that looked like they belonged to them.
His eyes grew to the size of tennis balls, once he spotted who the person emerging from the bathroom actually was.
“Khun.” he croaked hoarsely, grabbing his own throat because of the sound he had just made.
The man smiled and walked over, taking a bottle of water and offering him a glass full of it.
“Here, you have to drink a lot, it will help with your headache.”
Wooyoung nodded his thanks, secretly glad to have an excuse not to speak for a while. So he clung to the glass with both his hands, nipping from it occasionally.
“You might ask yourself how you got here, huh? I carried you back and had the doc in charge check you. He said you’re fine, so why do you keep passing out on me?”
The patient couldn’t help but stare at the other in bewilderment. “Are you serious? Oh god, this is getting more embarrassing with every passing second… I-eh thank you for helping me out man, but can you just forget about everything?”
Khun gave him an unamused look, complete with crossed arms and raised eyebrow. And as serious as this situation might have been, Woo all but burst out laughing. He whined some too, because his rib cage was still not entirely healed and hurt like mad, but he just couldn’t stop.
“I most certainly can’t. And have you gone mad now?”
There was concern in his voice, too, but mostly irritation. He looked at Woo for minutes on end, waiting patiently for him to settle down again.
“I don’t think so, but maybe I did. Not sure. Do mad people usually realise they’re mad? You’re the doctor here.”
“As far as I know, truly mad people are unaware of it, so no, you’re probably just a little out of your right mind. And laughing at me. For no apparent reason. And it doesn’t seem as if you’re going to tell me why anytime soon...”
Woo just waved it away, still not breathing normally. He sighed once and took a deep breath. “It’s just that my memories came back when you told me your name. EVERYTHING. Each snippet that was missing. All the embarrassment and pain, anger and helplessness. All at once. It was too much for me, so I passed out.”
Khun pulled a chair closer to Woo’s bed and sat down. “Tell me what you mean, because I don’t think I ever met you before the day I saved you. And aren’t you glad to have them back?”
Woo rolled his eyes, the other man’s words stinging more than he had expected, but he would rather choke on his own words than let him know about the pain it caused him.
“You see, just because YOU don’t know ME doesn’t mean I don’t know YOU. And no, I wouldn’t mind losing them. For all I care they could stay in their secret corner of my mind, collecting dust. Most are far too embarrassing to even think, let alone speak. And don’t even get me started on the realisations I have to put up with now...”
“Can they really be so bad?”
A dry laughter escaped Woo’s mouth, while he looked as unamused as it gets. “Think about the worst thing you can think of and multiply it with ten. Now you’re close to it. No, seriously, telling you would only make things way worse. So I would appreciate it, if you left me alone now. Thank you for everything, really, but I don’t want to keep this chapter of my life open any longer.”
Khun pouted a little, leaning back on his chair, staring at the other intently. “I’m not even sure what I did to you to deserve this treatment. The least you could do, is tell me what I did to you, to make you so angry.”
Woo groaned in frustration, before he stared him right in the eye, blushing a little, but he decided to ignore it for the sake of his image. “You see, the problem is you never did anything to me. You never noticed me, when all I wanted was to get to know you, spend time with you, maybe become friends, maybe even lo-… Ugh, no, just leave now…”
All of this had caused Khun so much irritation that he simply couldn’t let go of it, so he sat there, holding Woo’s gaze effortlessly. “No. Not until you’ve told me everything.”
“You never cared about my existence before, so why would you suddenly start being interested in me? I’m tired of this. I spent years and years fawning over you from afar. I do not have the energy to continue doing so.”
“Fawning?”
“YES MAN! What are you? A parrot? I developed a huge crush on you back during my first year of high school. There, it’s out. Are you happy? Now get the fuck out and leave me to die in embarrassment!”
Woo was about to turn around in his bed, but Nichkhun grabbed his arm to stop him.
“We went to the same school?”
Another frustrated groan. “Yes, we did. The same university, too, but it was unintended. My point is that I have been longing for someone who is clearly out of my reach for years. And it hurts and is pointless. I don’t want that anymore. I don’t want to see your stupid face whenever I close my eyes or recall the sound of your voice at the most random times. So please, just go away and leave me be…”
“But I’m here now, reaching out, so why don’t you take this chance and get some closure?”
“What closure is there to be gained, when there was nothing right from the very start? It’s not like I ever stood a chance at becoming your friend, let alone more than that. I don’t want to be saved by you. I want more than that. So much more and unless you are ready to give that to me, you can save the effort for someone else…”
“JANG WOOYOUNG, STOP TALKING FOR A SECOND AND LISTEN TO ME FOR ONCE!”
Woo was staring at him as if he’d been struck by lightning, only nodding in response, because this outburst had made him forget about all the excuses he was about to give Nichkhun.
“I will not get out of your life after all that you just told me. Don’t ask me what, but something about your weird behaviour really struck my interest. And I want to get to know you. We’ll see how things will develop from then on, but I refuse to let go of this chance.”
The patient nodded again, the hint of a smile flickering over his lips.
“And now go ahead and tell me when you first noticed me.”
With a red face he began recounting the memories he had just regained. His fingers twisted and turned his sheets, until Khun took his hand gently and held it in place, making Woo smile to himself.
“The first time I noticed you was on your first day at our school. I was almost too late for my afternoon classes when I spotted you walking in front of me. You had an unusual uncertainty to your walk, as if you were considering to turn around and walk away again.
I didn’t think about it at first, but you must have felt really out of place and alone back then, right? To switch schools in the middle of the year, coming from another country, probably not fluent in Korean at all… When I found out about the circumstances, I felt really bad for you.
But I’m glad you were put into the same class as Taecyeon-hyung and Minjun-hyung.”
Khun nodded along, smiling because of his own memories. “Yes, I couldn’t have been luckier. They were a huge help in the beginning. Without them I would have been lost. How come you know them?”
“Oh, Minjunnie-hyung was an assistant to one of my professors in uni. One of my best friends and I usually helped him out with a few things. And Taecyeon-hyung was just always someone I looked up to.”
“I see… Does Minjun know about your crush on me? Because he never even hinted at it.”
Woo panicked, nearly crushing Khun’s hands. “Oh nononono, I never told him. Only Junho and Chansung know about it.”
The Thai gently unwrapped his hands from Woo’s and placed his own on top of them afterwards. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone, if you’re not comfortable with it. But really, why did you never approach me?”
He honestly couldn’t see a reason for this, so he hoped Woo would enlighten him a little.
“I already told you that I was afraid. And didn’t want to invade your world. You seemed so happy with your friends and the girls who were constantly buzzing around you that I figured I had no chance anyway. And I didn’t think I was good enough for you, too. You were such a sweetheart to everyone, and then there was me, bitching over the least important things, being the worst company one could ever wish for…”
Woo sighed and felt like running away, the emptiness inside of him threatening to overwhelm him once more.
But then there was Khun’s hand on his chin, making him look up into his eyes. His skin tingled where the Thai’s skin connected with his.
The slightly taller man smiled softly, his face showing that he really cared.
“Woo, hey, listen to me. I’d love to get to know you better. You seem to be a nice guy, however strange you might have behaved initially. There’s absolutely no need to be disheartened, okay? Just give yourself a chance.”
The patient nodded hesitantly, sighing just for the sake of a little defiance.
“Fine, I’ll try."
Khun's smile widened before he nodded and pushed himself off of his chair.
"Great, I'll take your word for it... And I'm really sorry, but my shift starts in a bit, so I have to go now."
The Thai scratched his neck nervously which made Woo's face fall, since he expected a cheap excuse.
However, much to his surprise, Khun made him an offer then.
"I have tomorrow off, so how about this? I'll pick you up at lunch, we'll eat and spend the afternoon together? Maybe walk around a little, just what you want. I'd love to hear your story. What you like, what you dislike, which common interests we have... I mean, only if you're okay with it, of course. I don't intend to invade your privacy."
Woo couldn't help but laugh at the surprisingly cute behaviour of the Thai, making Khun frown at him.
"I'm sorry, Khun, I swear I'm not laughing about you. It's just that you didn't strike me as the cute type. But I think it suits you. I mean you can pull it off without appearing unmanly. Please stop me, or I'll talk myself into hell's kitchen..."
While Woo face palmed Khun grinned at him, shaking his head slightly.
"Won't happen, because you are far too intriguing like that. Anyway, you haven't answered yet..."
The patient blushed, his eyes averted.
And then he spoke, his words barely audible.
"I would love that. Spend time with you, learn about you, too, and tell you about myself, if you really want me to."
When he looked up, the genuine smile on Khun's face was still there and as much as he tried to fight it, he had to smile back.
Khun took his hand then, squeezed it once and winked. "See you tomorrow, Wooyoung-ah."
Woo nodded, still beaming like the sun. "Yes, have a nice shift, Khun."
As soon as the other had left the room, Woo sighed deeply, his eyes focusing on the solkatter on the wall. He still saw Khun's face in it, but it gave him a different feeling now. He felt all warm and fuzzy and if he was truly honest with himself, the butterflies from years ago were back.
'Today love smiled on me.'
He felt like shouting it out of the window, like writing it on walls and calling his best friends and parents now to shout it at them, too.
His phone was taken out in no time, the number dialed in what seemed like light speed. And then he waited. Endless seconds passing until he heard the voice mail answering.
"JUNHO, CHANSUNG, I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOING! I JUST WANTED TO CALL YOU DICKHEADS TO LET YOU KNOW THAT I FIGURED OUT WHO KHUN IS!"
He hung up with a gigantic smirk on his face, counting the minutes until his phone started ringing.
"How did you figure it out?" That was Chan, sounding very hoarse and Woo could have sworn he caught Junho giggling in the background, before he heard naked flesh being slapped, followed by an outraged 'Ow!'
"Don't tell me you guys are still fucking like bunnies."
"Yah, stop answering with questions of your own, Jang Wooyoung. My fiancé asked you a question."
Woo smirked wider, wondering whether he should hang up and make a video call.
"Judging by the butt slapping noise just now, I assume you're still naked?"
"As the day we were born. You sound like you want to see that for yourself?" Junho, as always being the worse of the two.
Woo replied in a drawl, rolling his eyes so hard, he hoped they would feel it.
"Yes, of course, you know how much I love seeing your naked asses... No, seriously, I need to see your potato faces when I tell you, so cover up, okay?"
"Fine..." Junho hung up immediately, leaving Woo to stare at his phone, still a little taken aback by how rude the older of his best friends could be.
A few seconds later, his phone rang again, revealing two more or less clothed men draped over each other on their sofa.
"Who are you and what have you done with our best friend?" Chan started, staring at him in irritation, while Junho went on:
"Is that a smile on your face? Is it contagious? Have you been taken by aliens?"
Woo gave them a raised brow, the smile still refusing to disappear entirely, though.
"Listen, you little shits, I'd love to bicker with you, but I have no brain capacity left for that. I know who Khun is."
Chan felt like pointing out that they already knew that.
"Shut up and listen. I know who he is, because he works here and I met him today. Well, to be honest, he was the one who rescued me. One of the ambulance guys..."
"ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! HOW ROMANTIC IS THAT?! Why haven't you saved me like that yet, Channie?"
"JUNHO, STOP FLIRTING WITH YOUR FIANCÉ AND LISTEN!"
The squinty eyed of the two eyed him with eyes so tiny that Woo burst out laughing. He felt so elated, it was no longer normal.
"I can flirt with him whenever I feel like it, you fucker." The patented Junho pout followed and made Chan crush him in a bear hug which in turn put silly smiles on both of their faces.
"How am I supposed to lead a normal conversation with two lovestruck fools? Anyway, so I met him. And blacked out. Twice. Which ended up with him bringing me back to my room." He decided not to mention the fact that Khun had carried him there. Too dangerous.
"So he talked to you?"
"Yes, Channie, we talked and somehow I ended up mentioning and denying my crush on him in the same sentence. That led to enquiries from his side and long story short, we agreed to meet again tomorrow. He asked me to spend the afternoon with him after our lunch together..."
They smiled softly. It was Junho who asked: "So, is this a date?"
"Honestly, I'm not sure."
"Well, okay, but are you happy?"
"Fuck yeah, I've rarely been happier than right now."
"Then it's good. Enjoy the date and don't pressure yourself, alright?"
"Of course I will. And I'll try not to scare him away. But really, you two, I feel like love has really smiled on me today. It's so weird, I don't know what to do or say, let alone how this might develop..."
Chan chuckled, trying to be objective with his advice: "Listen Woo, stop using your head all the time and just follow what your heart tells you. Be yourself and try not to give him a fake image. You deserve to be loved for who you truly are, good and bad traits included. Don't settle for less than that."
Junho nodded along, smiling fondly at Woo, as soon as his fiancé had finished.
"He's right, Woo. Don't force yourself and you'll be fine."
"Do you really think so?"
Both men nodded full of conviction.
It was hard for Woo to believe them and even harder to believe in himself, but he tried.
And with each day he spent with Khun, he started to trust him more, discover facets he had been unaware of before. He realised that Nichkhun was just as imperfect as he was, but together they were perfect.
Khun shared his interest in architecture, so it was through his influence that Woo eventually found the confidence to pick up his studies again.
Their friendship developed into something deeper when Woo took the initiative one night while they were out on a date with Junho and Chansung, Minjun and Taecyeon and their respective girlfriends.
The others were never really secretive with their hints and remarks regarding Woo's and Khun's relationship. But so far neither Khun nor Woo had initiated a talk about it.
They had exchanged keys to their apartments, but that was it, no kissing, only some brushing of their hands, hugs that lasted longer than necessary.
And during that particular night, Woo finally found his courage, so he motioned Khun to follow him outdoors for a bit.
The rest of the group remained at their table, exchanging knowing smiles.
As soon as they stepped outside, Woo pulled Khun to a less crowded corner of the parking lot, through the gates and into the little park nearby. He sat down on a bench, patting the wood next to himself.
Khun hesitated for a second, before he sank down as well.
"It seems as if you have to tell me something, Wooyoungie."
The smaller nodded and gazed into the distance.
"Yes, indeed I do. I... you see, we've seen each other for months now. You changed my life in more ways than I could have imagined. You helped me believe in myself and I am grateful for that. But my feelings for you are still there. I want you in every possible way. Not just as a friend. I want to be with you, kiss you, touch you, become one with you..."
"But?" Khun had known this all along. He had never expected anything different. Wooyoung had always been honest with him, but the Thai needed to be honest too.
"I fear this might be crossroads for us, if you don't want the same."
Khun nodded, his face serious and very thoughtful about the next words he was going to speak.
"I see. And believe me, when I say this, please. I feel the same pull. You're everything I could ever wish for at this point in my life. But I have a wish I can't let go of. I want a family one day, with my own children..."
Woo stared at him, grasping the meaning of what he meant to say with this.
"So, you want to be with me right now... but can't promise me forever?"
Woo's voice was void of emotion, his reason the part of him that was speaking now. Khun's nod was all he needed.
"You're giving me a way out, aren't you? To avoid the heartbreak that you'll bring me one day..."
Another nod. "Yes, I don't want to hurt you. But I know I will on the long run. And still I can't let you leave my life entirely. It's selfish, I know..."
That's when Wooyoung realised he was unable to simply walk away from him at this point. However short-lived this might be, he wanted Nichkhun whole. Not just a tiny fraction of the man he had grown so fond of.
So he turned to the side, facing him now.
"Khunnie."
The Thai looked at him, his eyes filled with fear of the words that would follow.
"Even if you warn me, I cannot let go of you. There's no way of knowing what the future brings. A few months back I wouldn't have expected to ever meet you again. And look at us now, sitting here, talking about a possible future.
I don't care about tomorrow, but I know I want to spend today with you. I can't guarantee anything. But what I feel for you is the beginning of something that might turn into deep and unconditional love one day. So please, be with me, against the odds the future might bring."
He put his arms around Khun's neck then, pulling him closer until their lips met in a kiss that was softer than expected, but still full of everything they were unable to convey with words.
✧✧✧
But sometimes we need to speak the words that can’t be spoken, find the impossible truth inside of us or else two paths might easily disentangle again.