[ you're my perfect alibi ]
fandom: prosa; prose: like i'm born to run
ficathon: write your darlings
characters: kavacam & dranto
tw: alcohol II genre: drama
prompt: von nameonehero
i'll be seein' you down every road
i'm waiting for it, that green light, i want it
Kav is sixteen when he figures he's not half as much into girls as all the other boys his age. He brushes it off as simply being not interested, because he has better things on his mind - how to beat the next boss in Final Fantasy XIII, his homework that should've been done by now, how many days there are until he can get the infamous cheese nachos at the drive-by down town again. He considers all of these to be more interesting than girls. Sure, some girls from his school are nice - Betty, who lived next door for a while before her parents moved a couple of streets away, makes the best cake he's ever tasted, Jane is fierce and a tiny bit evil and far better at video games than he will ever be, but he doesn't mind, because she's fun to hang around with.
Dranto asked him about her once, if he was 'into her or something, you get the point, dude', and Kav just shrugged, which was a lie, because the rumbling in his stomach that cheese nachos couldn't tame told him no a thousand times every day he went to sleep. No, he wasn't into Jane. Yes, she was nice, and when she tried to kiss him at two in the morning after he drove her home, he doesn't hesitate because she is the problem - he hesitates because he doesn't love her and kissing someone you don't love isn't fair.
At least that's what Kavacam thinks.
She crooks her head. They are close enough to feel each others breath - the nights have gotten more chilly during the last weeks, with winter coming up. He isn't exactly looking forward to it - winter, where the plants die and casual trips around the woods aren't as much fun anymore as they used to be. He will miss the feeling of the sun's rays on his skin, a beer that Dranto stole from his father next to him, the world stretching out beneath them. The rush of adrenalin on the edge of the roof, but they don't come up there in winter.
He wonders why he's thinking about Dranto at a time like this, with a girl's lips inches away from his.
“I'm sorry”, he blurts out, and he almost expects her to laugh at him. “I really appreciate it that you would consider kissing me, but I would rather not.” She doesn't laugh, even if there is one in her eyes, but he doesn't think it's a mean one.
“That's fine”, she steps back a little and he can finally breath again. “Mind explaining why? Is it because of me? Is there someone else?”
“No and no. You're great. I love hanging out with you. I just don't - feel this way about you. And us.”
There's a subtle surprise in her eyes and he absently notices how green they are, but figures it's an inappropriate time to say so. He notes it down in the back of his mind, because people should be telling each other more compliments instead of accusing each other for stuff they didn't do and will never do. The world isn't working that way, and he knows it.
“I figured there is someone else.”
“Like who?”
“Like this troublemaker-kid you hang out so much with.”
He just stares at her in horror for a couple of seconds until she laughs. “I was kidding”, which reliefs him, only for her to add, “even if it wouldn't have surprise me, by the way you look at him.” The noise he makes probably sounds like a strangled cat and he prays to every single god in this universe that he's not blushing or that it's too dark to see him blushing if he does, which he of course does not, because he's a very straight heterosexual man who's masculinity isn't fragile. Not at all. And it totally doesn't bother him that someone considers that he could be in love with his childhood best friend. And how is he supposed to look at Dranto? Like he's the centre of his whole universe and every time he moves Kav's eyes can't help but to follow? And like driving down a highway in the middle of the night, speakers blaring music too loud to even make out the words, Dranto next to him in the driver's seat sounds better to Kav than any dream in the entire universe ever could?
That's pretty absurd, he figures, because there is no way he looks at Dranto like this.
“Hit a weak spot, huh?”, she grins, all teeth with these braces she hates so much, but she isn't ashamed of them. Kavacam once told her that he thinks that's nice - that she isn't ashamed of something that belongs to her, even if she doesn't like it. He doesn't remember her answer well enough to rephrase it, but he's pretty sure it was something insulting.
He shakes his head vehemently. “He's my best friend. Of course I like him. Doesn't mean I want to stick my tongue in his mouth.”
She tilts her head. “There's a lot more to love than that.”
A weak “I guess there is” is the best he has to offer.
It takes him a couple of years to figure out that there is in fact more to love than that - a lot more. And that sometimes the answer you've been looking for has been right in front of your eyes - literally. Until then, he tries to lie his way through, goes as far as making up a girlfriend in another state just to make his family stop asking. He drops the story after Dranto and his girlfriend break up and they go back to being like they used to be, without the weird girlfriend-thing in between them. Kav just likes it better this way, because it's so much easier, so much more uncomplicated, and he finds himself wondering why he would need a girlfriend anyway.
Until Dranto introduces him to Patricia, his new girlfriend, all ginger hair and freckles and she's smart and talented and Kavacam wants to kill her. Of course he doesn't literally want to kill her, because he's a pacifist, but he would drop that for Patricia. He listens to everyone telling him how great Dranto and her look together for almost a year, and it almost drives him bad - he's not sure why, but he drowns his sorrow in cheap alcohol and video games and girls he doesn't love who don't love him, and realizes he has become all of the things he hates when he looks at Dranto.
It's again way past midnight, he's in front of a house again and can't help but to wonder if his whole story is really boring enough for the same setting over and over again, another disappointment. He feels like throwing up, but Dranto's parents wouldn't be amused about someone throwing up in their front yard, over their nicely arranged flowerbeds. Even if it's the best friend of their son.
Instead he just sits down to keep his head from spinning, and he's still sitting there when he hears voices approaching. In that moment, he wants to leave - he really does, but his circulation is betraying him, maybe because he started the betrayal by downing all of those weirdly coloured shots the bartender offered him. Instead, he's halfway done with getting up, legs shaky and the world blurry before his eyes, taste of alcohol on his tongue, when he hears Dranto calling out his name.
“What the hell are you doing here, Kav?”, it takes him a second to approach Kavacam, Patricia behind him, because of course she's here, of course they will have a nice night together while fucking, while Kav goes home alone and sleeps to get rid of the alcohol in his blood. It won't work this way, and a part of him is glad he's about to ruin it.
Dranto still stares at him, hand resting on his shoulder, and Kav feels like he's getting colder any second their skin touches. Patricia asks something, but Dranto just shakes his head. “Are you okay?”, he asks, voice softer. “Have you been drinking again?”
'That's my line, you dumbass', he wants to say, but it comes out as “Just a little', he wants to say 'Can I spend the night over?' but it comes out as “I'll go home, no idea why I came here” and most of all he wants to scream 'I THINK I LOVE YOU WHAT DO I DO ABOUT THAT', all capital letters, exclamation point, wants to yell it into the night, but it comes out as “Good night”.
The world is still a blur on his way home.