(no subject)
For whatever reason the other day I decided that it would be in my best interest to hang out with Randall before he leaves. To hopefully gain the closure I never recieved. But what does that accomplish? Me seeing that there might be this imaginary force that drew us together in the first place. I still think about him, all the time. Not in the manner I used to though. I treat him as though he is a completely existential being. Completely detatched from reality to begin with. Which coincides with him. He died. I cried, but must have missed the grieving and mourning process somewhere drowning in my tears.
I like to walk by and see him. Avoid his stare, but know that he sees me.
There has always been this vendictive feeling buried deep inside, I want him to miss me. I want him to realize that he can't change the fact he ruined it.
He does things to me on purpose. He knows that everything he does and says crawls right under my skin, making a home in the subcutaneous level. And yet I come right back, always hopeful that my optimistic eyes are gouged out on a platter to see the Randall I would have given my appendages for.
He was nothing but a disappointment.
A failure.
A mistake.
Where, oh where did that lovely abortion go?
The most beautiful trash can in west texas.
And THAT is the only thing I will regret.
I like to walk by and see him. Avoid his stare, but know that he sees me.
There has always been this vendictive feeling buried deep inside, I want him to miss me. I want him to realize that he can't change the fact he ruined it.
He does things to me on purpose. He knows that everything he does and says crawls right under my skin, making a home in the subcutaneous level. And yet I come right back, always hopeful that my optimistic eyes are gouged out on a platter to see the Randall I would have given my appendages for.
He was nothing but a disappointment.
A failure.
A mistake.
Where, oh where did that lovely abortion go?
The most beautiful trash can in west texas.
And THAT is the only thing I will regret.