(no subject)
Not feeling so well, can't hide it. I can't even if I tried. I'm in so much pain I just can't... I have to go to school in an hour... I'd rather die honestly then go to fashion school in an hour, but I do things all the time I don't want to do so why should this be any different. Don't know what I was thinking, I guess I thought it would get better. I'm just lieing to myself and then others when i say I'm fine, cause I don't want them to know, but I don't care anymore, nothing matters. It's not like I can just straighten up when I feel like it, and just not be pathetic, I'm just been crying for hours. It's unavoidable, I'm sick of pretending its fine, but hurting more and more every day. Fuck everyone that doesn't care and just tries to make it worse. I know I'm not the only one that isn't happy, but it is hard to help anyone when I can't even help myself. I just keep trying, but I have no faith it's going to get better, lost it, completely. I never get better, only worse. The only thing Im doing right is not running from it with drugs or boys or whatever the fuck it is, but nothing changes, nothing gets better, the only thing thats better is my resistance to things that can only cause more destruction. They all just lie to me. I don't trust anyone. Hes never going to come back. And my friends disappear all the time. Everything was just fake. I don't want to care about anything. My emotions are fucked up and wrong and driving me insane.