(no subject)
I see that you’re in a new relationship. The crazy thing is that I’m happy for you and sad for myself.
I don’t even hate you, I’m not even bitter.
I’m not even jealous of the new girl which is weird I thought I would see how pretty she is and hate myself.
But no.
She’s not pretty.
So I can’t help but not be jealous.
Sure she like hockey/red wings, and the same movies. Like heavyweights.
Yeah. She’s white and skinny.
But I know you don’t like white girls.
Why?
“they look like white lab rats to me”
I can appreciate that.
But I know you like her weight. She’s tiny, so I can see you tossing her around and about in your bed.
But I’ve done my stalking. Or rather research.
I can see that she just broke up with a man whom she was engaged to.
Eric, She’s going to Break Your Heart.
She’s not into you.
She’s using you.
She won’t feel love for you.
She may never feel love again.
You’re a good time for her.
So I don’t have faith in this relationship at all.
But I like your excitement, it makes me happy.
It makes me happy that you’re happy.
When I told you that I just wanted you to be happy, I didn’t lie to you.
It hurt so much, that it must have been a lie, but I can see now, it was the honest to god’s truth.
Yet I’m sad.
Why? It’s crazy.
I’m sad because I’m scared I won’t ever feel that same excitement ever again.
That excitement of flirting, loving for the first time, a new potential.
I’m scared that he butterflies have fluttered away forever ad are never coming back. I don’t want that to happen.
I’m worried about that.
I’m scared about that.
But I’m happy for you. Really.
Have your temporary happiness.
You deserve it.
I guess I can be ok with it.
But I want more temporary happiness.
When is it coming my way?
Love the one who doesn’t know exactly what’s going on,
Christen Henry