(no subject)
So, I've been looking at some of the retirement calculators, and here's a short transcript of how it went*
"What sort of lifestyle would you like when you retire?"
"Oh, nothing fancy. Some good loose leaf tea. Maybe watch some DVDs. Get a cat. Travel. Eat pretentious cheese. And build a fully functional underwater base for my nefarious** plans. "
"How much are you planning on saving and how much do you plan to get from social security?"
"Oh you know. A bit."
"You need approximately $5,345,234,764.24 to retire. We recommend you tone things down a bit."
"Oh fine. No underwater base. Not as much pretentious cheese. But the tea stays!"
"Still not low enough. We're not even going to tell you how far off you were if you're not even going to try."
"Right! I will wear clothing made exclusively from self tailored burlap sacks. And will eat expired cat food that's on sale."
"We'd defenestrate*** you if we had arms. Come back when you're talking sense."
So, I tried another program on another website.
"What sort of lifestyle would you like when you retire?"
"Oh, nothing fancy. Some good loose leaf tea, etc, etc."
"How much are you planning on saving and how much do you plan to get from social security?"
"Oh you know. A bit."
"Congratulations! You're on track for retirement. In fact you're saving WAY more than you need to. You really should go out and live a little."
I guess what I'm saying here is that I'm sensing a lack of consistency here.
*Dramatization. This was done by trained professionals. Kids don't try this at home
** Incidentally, I had to use spellcheck for 'Dramatization' but got 'nefarious' right away. I wonder what that says about me?
*** Defenestrate too.
"What sort of lifestyle would you like when you retire?"
"Oh, nothing fancy. Some good loose leaf tea. Maybe watch some DVDs. Get a cat. Travel. Eat pretentious cheese. And build a fully functional underwater base for my nefarious** plans. "
"How much are you planning on saving and how much do you plan to get from social security?"
"Oh you know. A bit."
"You need approximately $5,345,234,764.24 to retire. We recommend you tone things down a bit."
"Oh fine. No underwater base. Not as much pretentious cheese. But the tea stays!"
"Still not low enough. We're not even going to tell you how far off you were if you're not even going to try."
"Right! I will wear clothing made exclusively from self tailored burlap sacks. And will eat expired cat food that's on sale."
"We'd defenestrate*** you if we had arms. Come back when you're talking sense."
So, I tried another program on another website.
"What sort of lifestyle would you like when you retire?"
"Oh, nothing fancy. Some good loose leaf tea, etc, etc."
"How much are you planning on saving and how much do you plan to get from social security?"
"Oh you know. A bit."
"Congratulations! You're on track for retirement. In fact you're saving WAY more than you need to. You really should go out and live a little."
I guess what I'm saying here is that I'm sensing a lack of consistency here.
*Dramatization. This was done by trained professionals. Kids don't try this at home
** Incidentally, I had to use spellcheck for 'Dramatization' but got 'nefarious' right away. I wonder what that says about me?
*** Defenestrate too.