Gone.
Eighty six years of kindness... was it in the light of morning, or was it in the dead of night? that his candle flickered and then bowed to the wind, finally yielding the mortal warmth to the cold of all eternity. Mother and father tried to call me the whole morning, at last I got back to my father - and he told me, straight away... briefer than the time when he told me my mother's father died. Then he said - "Noa, I have bad news - grandfather passed away."
Now he just said "Grandfather passed away."
And I immediately I started asking questions - and then I started denying it, as if I knew better than him. "No! No way... it can't be..."
He wasn't weak, he wasn't distant... only yesterday he was so clear. He and grandmother were supposed to move to Nordia by the end of the week.
We all knew he was struggling... but were we really ready? Grandfather seemed like he was...
The last time I saw him, and it was too long, too long before the end... but that last time, I knew that he was thinking it was a last time for us, but I pretended I didn't. Though his big blue eyes were round and shiny and instead of kissing my forehead like he alway did, he took my hand, for he was sitting, and kissed it, goodbye. But I smiled at him, ignoring his teariness, and tried to cheer him up as I went. And all this time I kept on thinking how we all will prove him wrong, that he'll pull through... he'll get better. It wasn't the end. It couldn't be.
He and grandmother never stopped loving... their affection for each other always seemed to reach new heights. They couldn't be seperated for barely a day, even as his conditioned worsened... or whenever she was ill. What will become of my grandmother now? What will become of my father now?
What of me?
I'll have to be a better person for them both... I already took upon myself one thing. And this nearing new year, like the previous one, I'll strive to be a better person.
We never heard his whole tale... he didn't want to burden others with his sorrow... we only learned the before from his surviving relatives, and the after from my grandmother, my grandmother who crossed the Alps with him, and jumped with him to the see, when the ship 'Shoshana' reached the shores of Israel. She loved him so much, but even to her I don't know if he told. The story of what happened to him in the Shoa.
I always knew it'll end like that, that noone will know till the very end and after. But my grandfather valued his story less than things that we can only guess at. What was his fear? what was his intent? I am not sure. Perhaps I didn't know him all that well, I am not even inspired to guess at an answer.
But it's too late now. Life is so short. I can't believe we won't hear him sing... he had so many songs, though indeed, he was an old person, with favourites... but even those chose lyrics had varying versions. He would sing all the time, creating music wherever and whenever he was... but that rich, deep voice of his is lost... lost like his gentle smile, honest opinion, good heart.
I am not an inch of what he was, but at least he gave me something to aspire too. I must be better and stronger for the sake of all my family right now, this won't be an easy year.
Now he just said "Grandfather passed away."
And I immediately I started asking questions - and then I started denying it, as if I knew better than him. "No! No way... it can't be..."
He wasn't weak, he wasn't distant... only yesterday he was so clear. He and grandmother were supposed to move to Nordia by the end of the week.
We all knew he was struggling... but were we really ready? Grandfather seemed like he was...
The last time I saw him, and it was too long, too long before the end... but that last time, I knew that he was thinking it was a last time for us, but I pretended I didn't. Though his big blue eyes were round and shiny and instead of kissing my forehead like he alway did, he took my hand, for he was sitting, and kissed it, goodbye. But I smiled at him, ignoring his teariness, and tried to cheer him up as I went. And all this time I kept on thinking how we all will prove him wrong, that he'll pull through... he'll get better. It wasn't the end. It couldn't be.
He and grandmother never stopped loving... their affection for each other always seemed to reach new heights. They couldn't be seperated for barely a day, even as his conditioned worsened... or whenever she was ill. What will become of my grandmother now? What will become of my father now?
What of me?
I'll have to be a better person for them both... I already took upon myself one thing. And this nearing new year, like the previous one, I'll strive to be a better person.
We never heard his whole tale... he didn't want to burden others with his sorrow... we only learned the before from his surviving relatives, and the after from my grandmother, my grandmother who crossed the Alps with him, and jumped with him to the see, when the ship 'Shoshana' reached the shores of Israel. She loved him so much, but even to her I don't know if he told. The story of what happened to him in the Shoa.
I always knew it'll end like that, that noone will know till the very end and after. But my grandfather valued his story less than things that we can only guess at. What was his fear? what was his intent? I am not sure. Perhaps I didn't know him all that well, I am not even inspired to guess at an answer.
But it's too late now. Life is so short. I can't believe we won't hear him sing... he had so many songs, though indeed, he was an old person, with favourites... but even those chose lyrics had varying versions. He would sing all the time, creating music wherever and whenever he was... but that rich, deep voice of his is lost... lost like his gentle smile, honest opinion, good heart.
I am not an inch of what he was, but at least he gave me something to aspire too. I must be better and stronger for the sake of all my family right now, this won't be an easy year.