How do I find the right words...?
The last week of my life has been so surreal. I really didn't want to write an entry about it, but I think if I don't, I will be mad at myself later for not documenting this.
My dad is gone.
There, I said it. And I keep saying it, and I keep relaying the gruesome story as to HOW it happened, but I haven't really accepted it yet. And it's weird because isn't knowing half the battle? Isn't the first step to fixing your problem, admitting the problem? I know I'm still in shock and denial. I keep thinking that I can still call him up whenever and he will be there to vent to. And he will be there for me, threatening to kick anyone's ass for me if they wrong me.
But he won't be. His number is still in my phone. I can't bring myself to delete it. I don't think I ever will.
Let's be honest. I never really saw my father much. I think in the last year, I saw him only 4 or 5 times, but I called him more often than that. I really liked hearing how his day was or how he'd be having issues with the family and he'd call and ask ME, the daughter, for advice.
Everyone keeps telling me how proud he was of me, and how he loved me so much. And you know, I don't doubt that for a second. I felt the same way about him.
My dad could beat up your dad.
My dad is gone.
There, I said it. And I keep saying it, and I keep relaying the gruesome story as to HOW it happened, but I haven't really accepted it yet. And it's weird because isn't knowing half the battle? Isn't the first step to fixing your problem, admitting the problem? I know I'm still in shock and denial. I keep thinking that I can still call him up whenever and he will be there to vent to. And he will be there for me, threatening to kick anyone's ass for me if they wrong me.
But he won't be. His number is still in my phone. I can't bring myself to delete it. I don't think I ever will.
Let's be honest. I never really saw my father much. I think in the last year, I saw him only 4 or 5 times, but I called him more often than that. I really liked hearing how his day was or how he'd be having issues with the family and he'd call and ask ME, the daughter, for advice.
Everyone keeps telling me how proud he was of me, and how he loved me so much. And you know, I don't doubt that for a second. I felt the same way about him.
My dad could beat up your dad.