Nightmare

[unnoticedfaery]

I had the most awful dream this morning. In the beginning, from what I can remember, there were two birthday parties that I had to go to, both for people I went to high school with a long time ago. When Wudi showed up, he was on X (the drug Ecstasy) but I didn't really realize it because it didn't occur to me. Well later I remember being with my mom and her saying something about Wudi and I both being on it, and I said, "No, I'm not on it, I've never taken it," and she said "Yes you are" so I went up and showed her my eyes (for whatever reason) and said "No, look, really. Wudi was on it, but I'm not." She said okay. So when I saw Wudi I asked him if he was on it, and he said yes and I asked him why... I don't really remember the answer or a lot of what was said. Then I know he basically disappeared for a couple days, he was with these two girls. Whenever I saw him he was on it and I kept telling him that he shouldn't and why and stuff. Well then we were in some sort of dorm rooms or something and Brian and I were in one and I guess Wudi and those girls were in the rooms next door. I was really upset and talking about it to Brian and he was kind of taking care of me when Wudi came in and laid down on the bed next to Brian (instead of next to me). I kept telling him that we couldn't go on like this and he didn't seem to care, and finally I said then we have to break up now because I can't date a druggie. He went to leave but I stood in front of the door and said that I had to say this because I didn't know when I'd ever see him again, and I asked him why he was doing this and how he could when we were perfect before, and I told him that he'd promised me to stay with me forever and to talk to me if anything was wrong. He basically made it sound like things weren't perfect before the drugs. Wudi said something to Brian about hanging out, and Brian said that he was leaving for Louisiana for the weekend, which freaked me out. Wudi walked out. Brian said, "It sounds like he doesn't think things were perfect before. C'mon Terah, I guess it just had to happen." I kept asking why and saying I couldn't handle it. Brian said something about "it being a part of Wudi" and I said that no, drugs were never ever a part of Wudi and he said something about he meant something else. Then it started completely sinking in that he was gone and what happened and I started falling apart and right then I realized that it was a dream and that I had the power to wake up, so I did and I thought about it for a minute and then got up and opened Word so that I could write it down before I forgot it.

So what does this mean? Wudi and I don't and have never done X, drugs in general. Last night before bed I kept worrying about whether things with Wudi and I are too perfect... I guess because of my previous experiences, I'm always scared that nothing good can last, all that shimmers is sure to fade away, and all that. I guess that's where the dream stemmed from. I'm not sure why drugs were the reason in the dream... it seems like such a stupid thing to break us apart, but I think that was the point. I knew it was, and I wanted to just fix it, but I had no control over it whatsoever. The only control I had was to break up with him even though that was obviously the last thing I wanted. I don't know, but I really, really hate dreams like that. They always affect me way too much.