Death for Dinner
You should invite Death to dinner. Why? She's cool,
mellow, fun to talk to, and she'll teach you a
thing or two about life. Remember though, she
is Death, so if she shows up uninvited....well,
it was nice knowing you.
Which of the Endless Should You Invite to Dinner?
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Now wouldn't that be interesting. Death over for dinner.
I had an interesting day. Some of it good, some bad, and some just in between. I overslept and that pissed me off. I lose points for missing my Shakespeare class and I've missed far, far too many. I've gotten A's on the stuff we've done, but missing those classes will definitely bring me down to a B. Farther than that and I'm going to be PISSED. Furthermore, I was supposed to schedule at 7:30am and didn't until after 10am and had to change my schedule. Grr. But actually, it's not an all bad one. I'll post it eventually. For fall quarter, that is.
I got the money for the thing I sold on eBay finally today. Yay! Which means I don't have to borrow or take money from Wudi and Brian just to have gas to go home on the weekends. And I finally paid my overdue bills. And paid OU, ugh. After class I went to the UPS store to send the thing I sold, and then went to Walmart. That was productive- I got a new blowdryer because mine broke, and a really cute new purse for only 8 bucks. Ooh and a cute little white tube top for like 4 bucks. And not that you really wanted to know, but I got three new thongs too. =P After that I came home and started cleaning, and after I cleaned some I started packing. I left my posters up for now but took down all my knick-knacks and pictures and smaller stuff on the walls and everything on the bulletin board. It looks strange, and I think I'm going to leave the posters for awhile because I've got two and a half weeks left here and I hate empty rooms. But Wudi and I are working on moving everything into Brian's, so I'm starting the process. Hopefully if I do it bit by bit over the next couple weekends, when I have to completely move out of here it won't be so bad. I hate moving, it's such a pain in the ass but it seems like I do it all the damn time- maybe because I do, more than once a year since I was 15 pretty much. Ugh. Lots more now that I'm in school and running back and forth between the dorm and Springfield and such.
I feel really anxious... not sure why. No, not so much anxious, not panic attack style anyway. Maybe more like worried. Unsettled, that's the word. I keep waiting for something to go wrong. I think what happened Saturday night really shook me up... well I know it did, but maybe it's still affecting me now more than I thought it did. I feel like Wudi's so... distracted. Busy. And it worries-- no, unsettles me. I know we're both just massively stressed and busy and hectic and it's hard to concentrate on lovely-dovey closeness when there's so much going on... especially when he's there, I'm here. But it unsettles me, nonetheless. Maybe because I haven't talked to him much at all yesterday or today, I guess because he's busy. I texted him a couple hours ago but didn't hear anything back. I try not to mind at all... I can't just expect him to sit on the phone with me all night or anything, not at all... besides that, I really do hope he's having fun. But I guess honestly, I just worry sometimes that one day he'll have bunches of fun without me there and decide he doesn't need me, or something. Which is dumb, and girly, and I should forget it. Nonetheless, it lingers. Do you think I'm being too paranoid or clingy? I'm trying really hard not to be. Sometimes it's difficult. I think what it boils down to is that when I'm not with him, I miss him. Period. All the time. And I just want to be... near him. I can't wait for this quarter to end so that we can be together. I'm so terried that they'll send him to Iraq before that and I'll never even get a taste of it... but I might be more scared that I'll get a taste of it, and it'll be taken away. That might be worse... would be worse. I'm already used to him being at Brian's, used to him being in that huge bed next to me where I'd rather my back hurt than have to roll away from him.
I don't know if I mentioned this before, and I'm not going to mention it too specifically now. But Wudi and I decided to quit something we'd been doing that was not really a productive thing to do... it was part of that whole drama Saturday night. And as soon as I realized that, I'm like, okay, let's stop it. Nothing is worth hurting our relationship. He said he didn't know if it was that easy, and I said I thought it was... anything is easy compared to being without him, and I meant that. And the more I think about it, the more I think this is a really good thing. Even if that hadn't happened, I don't want there to be anything so easily fixable to potentially harm our relationship. Fuck that.
But, in the middle of writing this, Wudi called, and I talked to him for like forever *grin* and then had to help Kayleen with her paper... now it's 2:54am and I'm going to bed.