Oh shit, wait, you don't have a dog. You have a wife.
And this is the part where I shook my head and went, “Oh, god, unnamed….” It was accompanied by a grin, don’t worry.
I'll make sure she is out of her misery soon.
Small nitpick here: up until this point, the narrative has been very casual, very friendly and personal. Here though, the “… sure she is…” part reads rather formal due to a lack of contraction. Again, this is a VERY MINOR detail, but it did jump out at me a little bit.
Yeah it means a little more work for me and it's a pain to break out of my schedule to clean up your messes but it's necessary.
Okay, some minor structural and punctuation things here. First off for punctuation: a comma is needed after “Yeah”. A comma is also probably needed after “messes” as well. Next up, the structural. Again, there are a lot of words in this sentence, some of them unnecessary. This bogs down the snap in your narrative just a little bit. See what you can do about rephrasing this so it reads more smoothly.
I should feel really sad about this. Maybe have a cry.
Nah, you deserved it. Haha, you're dead.
And I died as well - from amusement.
Like I said, this is a very dark - VERY DARK - little piece you’ve written. As others have said before, I kinda wish there was a little more context about why the narrator did what they did, but at the same time I really enjoyed the ambiguity of the moment. Also, I think you played into the fact that not every crime really does have a reason. Sometimes there are just crazy people out there - like your narrator here.
Other than some minor structural suggestions, I really don’t have much for you. Sorry, but you wrote the hell out of this piece. It had great flow from start to finish, your choice of matching opening and ending lines was well thought out. You did a terrific job this week. Well done!
And this is the part where I shook my head and went, “Oh, god, unnamed….” It was accompanied by a grin, don’t worry.
I'll make sure she is out of her misery soon.
Small nitpick here: up until this point, the narrative has been very casual, very friendly and personal. Here though, the “… sure she is…” part reads rather formal due to a lack of contraction. Again, this is a VERY MINOR detail, but it did jump out at me a little bit.
Yeah it means a little more work for me and it's a pain to break out of my schedule to clean up your messes but it's necessary.
Okay, some minor structural and punctuation things here. First off for punctuation: a comma is needed after “Yeah”. A comma is also probably needed after “messes” as well. Next up, the structural. Again, there are a lot of words in this sentence, some of them unnecessary. This bogs down the snap in your narrative just a little bit. See what you can do about rephrasing this so it reads more smoothly.
I should feel really sad about this. Maybe have a cry.
Nah, you deserved it. Haha, you're dead.
And I died as well - from amusement.
Like I said, this is a very dark - VERY DARK - little piece you’ve written. As others have said before, I kinda wish there was a little more context about why the narrator did what they did, but at the same time I really enjoyed the ambiguity of the moment. Also, I think you played into the fact that not every crime really does have a reason. Sometimes there are just crazy people out there - like your narrator here.
Other than some minor structural suggestions, I really don’t have much for you. Sorry, but you wrote the hell out of this piece. It had great flow from start to finish, your choice of matching opening and ending lines was well thought out. You did a terrific job this week. Well done!
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