LJI 10, week 3 -- Brushback pitch
One small step
I have not very well mastered the art of getting out of my own way. The ability to achieve the dreams and goals I set for myself without then turning right around and sabotaging my own plans.
Wanting a closer connection with the Divine... and then not picking up my bible for a week.
Investing money and time in committing to Slimming World... but still eating both butter and nutella straight out of the packet.
Getting down about not being gainfully employed... but finding the application form just that bit too hard to fill in articulately, until the deadline passes, again.
Or taking on extra responsibilities... and still staying up as late as I used to; burning the candle at both ends until it burns out.
Ending a relationship with somebody, the one that should have worked but actually didn't... then continuing to think about them every day, almost all day, in any idle moment, for a long time after that.
I always sabotage myself. I always step that bit too close to -- or just over -- the line. Not so far that I give up on what I claim to want, just that I make it too hard to achieve.
And achieving things is hard. It is very very scary.
I am still new to this art, but I do now have one or two more pieces of the puzzle to move forward, than I did even a week ago. A truth that's blindingly obvious and very easy to miss at the same time, is that nothing happens in isolation. Actions have consequences, and the pattern will repeat. Or, to put it another way, if nothing changes, then nothing will change. The thing that's necessary, the trick, I've found, is to figure out how to see it coming. How to see the consequence at the same time as seeing the thing that will cause it.
I'm never going to see what (and who) the future will hold for me if I am still listening to breakup songs.
I'm always going to have another week feeling frustrated and sorry for myself in front of everyone at group until I plan ahead what I am going to eat, and choose to stick to it, even in the face of free mince pies in the office.
I won't be able to do well the next day if I'm only getting a few hours' sleep.
It's about wanting it. Wanting it enoughh. Being more scared or disgusted or uncomfortable with the status quo than I would be with the process of changing.
It is hard. It is still hard and scary. Very hard and scary. Climbing the sheer wall of a pit by my fingernails kind of hard-and-scary. Taking all my courage into both hands to make a tiny tiny step forwards, and making sure to hold on to it until the thing is done.
But, somehow, that sheer wall does become just a bit easier to climb if the pit gets filled with poisonous snakes! When what's behind becomes a worse option than what lies ahead, then I will move. Even if it's just a little bit, at first. Just enough to keep me away from that line.
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Concrit welcome as always. Details of the poll when it goes up (assuming I remember...)
I have not very well mastered the art of getting out of my own way. The ability to achieve the dreams and goals I set for myself without then turning right around and sabotaging my own plans.
Wanting a closer connection with the Divine... and then not picking up my bible for a week.
Investing money and time in committing to Slimming World... but still eating both butter and nutella straight out of the packet.
Getting down about not being gainfully employed... but finding the application form just that bit too hard to fill in articulately, until the deadline passes, again.
Or taking on extra responsibilities... and still staying up as late as I used to; burning the candle at both ends until it burns out.
Ending a relationship with somebody, the one that should have worked but actually didn't... then continuing to think about them every day, almost all day, in any idle moment, for a long time after that.
I always sabotage myself. I always step that bit too close to -- or just over -- the line. Not so far that I give up on what I claim to want, just that I make it too hard to achieve.
And achieving things is hard. It is very very scary.
I am still new to this art, but I do now have one or two more pieces of the puzzle to move forward, than I did even a week ago. A truth that's blindingly obvious and very easy to miss at the same time, is that nothing happens in isolation. Actions have consequences, and the pattern will repeat. Or, to put it another way, if nothing changes, then nothing will change. The thing that's necessary, the trick, I've found, is to figure out how to see it coming. How to see the consequence at the same time as seeing the thing that will cause it.
I'm never going to see what (and who) the future will hold for me if I am still listening to breakup songs.
I'm always going to have another week feeling frustrated and sorry for myself in front of everyone at group until I plan ahead what I am going to eat, and choose to stick to it, even in the face of free mince pies in the office.
I won't be able to do well the next day if I'm only getting a few hours' sleep.
It's about wanting it. Wanting it enoughh. Being more scared or disgusted or uncomfortable with the status quo than I would be with the process of changing.
It is hard. It is still hard and scary. Very hard and scary. Climbing the sheer wall of a pit by my fingernails kind of hard-and-scary. Taking all my courage into both hands to make a tiny tiny step forwards, and making sure to hold on to it until the thing is done.
But, somehow, that sheer wall does become just a bit easier to climb if the pit gets filled with poisonous snakes! When what's behind becomes a worse option than what lies ahead, then I will move. Even if it's just a little bit, at first. Just enough to keep me away from that line.
----
Concrit welcome as always. Details of the poll when it goes up (assuming I remember...)